“Close your email; turn off your phone; disconnect from the Internet; find a way to set limits so you can focus when you need to and relax when you need to. Technology is a good servant, but is a bad host ~Gretchen Rubin.
We live in truly extraordinary times. Where once letters and telegrams took days to reach the other side of the world, now we can send messages and emails at the touch of a button; social media allows us to connect with people from different backgrounds, helping us learn and grow And aim for the stars.
Advances in technology and science have brought us so many benefits that it’s hard to deny their drawbacks. However, with the rise of technology and its increasing use in daily life, our relationships—the foundation of human existence—have also deteriorated.
We need to remind ourselves now to disconnect from our smartphones, tablets, PCs and gadgets in order to give ourselves time to rest and escape from information overload.
Photos of families sitting around the dinner table, looking intently at their smartphones, may be funny (and make for a great photo essay), but the picture they paint is not far from reality.
Nowadays, we are so integrated into the virtual world that parents and children often chat through private messages, text messages or social media, even if they are sitting in the next room or sometimes even next to each other.
People have time to share their fancy dinners or quick selfies on Instagram as if it’s second nature, but no one seems to have the time, patience or inclination to reach out to those who have been with us all the time to experience our orgasms and lows.
Maybe it was our parents who stayed in small towns to pursue their dream careers; It could be a friend we’ve known since childhood but didn’t bother to ask around, just because we’ve lost touch; it could be a neighbor or teacher at school who always looked out for us; it could be someone who’s going through struggles in life who needs our support despite They go unexpressed because we are no longer attracted to the people around us but to technology.
When I was growing up, both my parents worked, as is the case with most working-class families. My time is split between daycare, school and home, and the quality time I get to spend with my parents is so precious.
However, electronics were relatively non-existent in the early nineties. There are no after-hours phone calls or constant checking of email; the 9-to-5 shift seems productive and no one is taking work home with them on their laptop. So when we sit around the table at dinner, we are all very present. There were a lot less distractions, no one was taking pictures with their phones or posting them online.
We don’t worry about the possibility of presidents and leaders starting World War III on Twitter, or spend time figuring out which crazy selfie pose will get us more likes on Facebook. I remember sending handwritten letters to my cousins just to stay in touch and waiting with anticipation for the Christmas cards during the holidays. Even in ordinary life, there are simple joys.
We share so much through social media—our favorite foods, brands, clothing and lifestyle choices—and there are so many visual messages that we end up believing everything we see and read in the media.
We live in the age of fake news; we are slowly but surely losing our ability to stay in touch with reality and discern truth from fiction. What we see about other people’s lives online becomes our unconscious standard for how things should be in our own lives.
We are losing touch with ourselves and our truth. You don’t have to keep up with the Kardashians; you have to keep up with your own circle of loved ones.
Virtual worlds are fascinating; you can choose to be who you want to be, and even if you bear no resemblance to your real-life online persona, people will believe what you post there. This type of communication is usually impersonal—a superficial conversation that shields you from emotions and deep feelings. It’s easier to get lost in a virtual space than to face harsh reality.
200,000 followers on Twitter or 1 million subscribers on your website won’t necessarily translate into the same number of trustworthy relationships you can rely on. Sure, you can successfully campaign for a social cause fundraiser with such a large following, but can you rely on them during a time of personal crisis?
Many people view virtual spaces as a form of escapism, which is not only detrimental to our emotional development, but also detrimental to our relationships in the real world. While a few people have successfully formed meaningful friendships online and benefited from professional associations online, personal relationships have undergone something of a transformation. The online world becomes our confessional, our confidant, and our record-keeper.
Isn’t it ironic, then, that despite having everything at the click of a mouse or an app, we can barely communicate, share, and talk openly within our own families? When was the last time you had a heart-to-heart with your spouse, children, siblings, or parents? Does connecting with them deeply have to wait until Thanksgiving, Christmas, date night, or summer vacation when you can easily do it every day?
Sometimes, you may not even have anything new to share, but in these times you can let them know how much they mean to you. When you need an encouraging hug, you still need a non-VR person.
We should live in such a way that our relationships with our loved ones are not subject to our busy schedules. We shouldn’t need reminders to make time for those closest to us, whether they are our family, parents, siblings, or friends.
Most of us have time (or can make time!) to engage in friendly banter and entertain ourselves with every piece of media, news or gossip on the internet; however, we find it difficult to transfer this enthusiasm to our In relationships at home, or with people who are emotionally close to us but physically distant from us.
This is part of the reason why more and more people are looking for solutions to their personal woes online—because no one at home or in their surroundings has time to listen.
There is no doubt that the interconnectedness and shared information we get in virtual spaces is a boon, and social media and the web provide us with amazing connections as we move forward in collective consciousness. But let’s not lose sight of the people and relationships that form the foundation of our lives. No one is too busy to take time out for another person.
Disconnect from the virtual world and make time for your loved ones.
If your smartphone doesn’t receive your message, it won’t freeze. But your parents may be frustrated that they no longer receive calls from their beloved children except on major holidays; your children and spouse may miss telling you the things they desperately want to share because you’re too busy scrolling on your phone.
While we can definitely create deep connections online, it’s crucial that we don’t lose touch with the person in front of us.
Here are a few steps to help you connect meaningfully with the people in your life more often.
1. If you use multiple social media platforms, streamline the number of platforms you use regularly and reduce it to three. If you’re pressed for time, alternate these platforms throughout the week. Schedule time to use social media, but limit unnecessary browsing.
2. Clear your smartphone of unnecessary apps so you have fewer distractions. Call it app spring cleaning.
3. Read about tips for improving productivity or time management so you can better give your full attention to everyone in the family.
4. Turn off the TV and disconnect from the Internet while eating dinner. If this is the only time you and your family have together, make the most of it.
5. Before you go to bed at night, make time for some spiritual practices that you and your family can do. It could be prayer, meditation, reading/sharing a reflection, or reciting positive affirmations or expressing gratitude for the day. You don’t have to be religious to practice spirituality!
6. Volunteer with your friends, siblings or family on social projects in your local community.
7. Pick up any group hobby that doesn’t require being online – like cooking, painting, or dancing… the list goes on.
8. Plan a picnic and gather regularly in an outdoor setting close to nature. We all know that spending more time in nature is soothing and relaxing, and it makes it easier to switch off your phone!
9. Lost contact with distant friends? Don’t give in to the easy route of messaging via SMS, Whatsapp or email. Jot down your favorite memories and send a postcard. Or, if you have more time, an old-fashioned letter would be absolutely delightful.
10. Flowers have a way of conveying a lot without saying a word – even a hand-tied bouquet of wildflowers. They are known to cheer up even the dullest of days. If you think someone needs a gesture like this, send them a bunch and make them smile!
11. Return to the simple joys of living with your loved ones: getting up early to watch the sunrise; walking on wet grass or in the sand of the beach; inhaling the aroma of freshly baked bread or flowers in a vase; writing “thank you” notes often; Be mesmerized by the night sky – look for constellations, shooting stars and the moon. There is so much joy when you disconnect from technology!
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In order for our relationships to thrive, we must learn to prioritize our own well-being and that of our loved ones. When you give them the time and attention they need, they feel more loved and more confident in themselves, something no one can achieve through technology alone.
We need to return to the basics of human love, care and sharing. Unplug your gear and immerse yourself in the healing power of stronger, deeper relationships.
About Andrea Johnson
Andrea Johnson is a nonprofit consultant, sustainable fashion advocate, and aspiring writer. She is passionate about sustainability, social enterprise, inclusivity and accessibility. You can find her tweets at: @Andrea_rosej.
