“Sometimes, when everything seems hopeless, just being there for someone can bring hope.” ~Dave G. Llewellyn
Have you ever found yourself in a position where someone told you something deeply personal and painful, and you were stuck on what to say to them, how to act, and how to behave?
This happens to me all the time, but that’s not to say I don’t have feelings or emotions about what’s happening to this person. I feel deeply sorry for them. But sometimes I freeze and don’t know what to say or do.
This can be harder to bring up when it comes to mental health issues. I say this with great irony because I have mental health issues myself. In 2017, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
Sometimes, when we have experience dealing with something, it can still be difficult to know what to say or do.
Still, I want to share some of the things I’ve learned from how people treat me and how I choose to treat people.
Hopefully, after reading this, you won’t find yourself acting awkward when someone tells you about something they’re going through!
This usually applies to people you consider friends—people who open up to you and are willing to share their thoughts.
So, I guess one theme or mantra we can take to heart is: “A true friend is as caring and caring as possible, in fact, he is a brother or sister in need.”
what does that mean?
Well, when a friend suffers from mental distress, we ourselves can be overwhelmed. We don’t know what to say. We don’t know what to do. Of course we feel sorry for them. Maybe we even sympathize with them.
But more importantly, we show we care by trying to help them cope with what they are going through.
What should we do? My first tip is to listen when they want to talk.
You don’t have to respond to everything they say, but you should acknowledge what they say to show that you’re fully listening. It might just be a mild “aha” or a raised eyebrow.
Remember to be compassionate, too. Don’t jump to conclusions; keep an open mind and avoid judgment.
When someone opens up to you, maybe they’re doing it for the first time and aren’t thinking about how it sounds. They may say something unintentional that they may regret later. Just be a good friend and listen.
If you disagree with something they say, sometimes it’s best to say nothing.
My next tip to you is that when you decide to speak (when you feel the need to respond), remember to speak in a way that comforts them.
Remember, your friends, family, whoever they are, they may be feeling anxious, and if they are dealing with mental health issues, they may also feel worthless.
So even if you don’t know the “right” thing to say, you can reassure them that you care, comfort and encourage them through kind words.
Your words may sound a little confusing, but that’s okay; if your tone reflects warmth and kindness, your friends will notice it. They will understand that you are looking out for them and doing your best.
Another thing to consider is offering to offer practical help.
Don’t assume you know what your friend needs. Instead, ask how you can help.
If your friend has difficulty expressing their needs, you can suggest some practical things you can do for them.
You can do some chores for them, buy them food, clean for them, or do other things you know they need. You can also offer to take them outside for a walk, which may lift their spirits.
Remember, sometimes, it’s not what you say or how you say it, but what you say or how you say it. What you do shows you care.
Maybe, like me, you’re not good with words, but your actions can show that you care about your friends and want to help them.
My final advice to you is to be patient.
You may be ready to talk and offer wise, sound advice, but maybe your friend isn’t ready to listen.
If this happens, just remind your friend or reassure them that you will listen when they are ready to talk, and if they just want to listen, you don’t need to offer any advice at all.
If your friend says or does something that upsets or hurts you, don’t take it personally. They may cancel plans with you or become agitated. Remember to be patient and understanding, as this is how you will ultimately provide the support they need.
If they rescind your invitation, know that it won’t reflect badly on you. It reflects where they are currently.
So remember: be quick to listen, speak soothingly, offer practical help, and be patient.
This winning combination can bring the best benefits to you and your friends.
Well done to my friends who want to help you; dealing with mental health challenges is not easy, but having someone to talk to is so important.
