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Happy Monday everyone. So today, jury selection begins for Hunter Biden’s gun trial. As a welcome gift, those chosen will receive a free dime bag. To ensure juries are made up of peers, they are looking for people who worked fake jobs in Ukraine, smoked cigarettes, cracked in sensory deprivation tanks, had sex with the wives of dead family members, and impregnated a stripper at the same time . So far, they’ve found one. Possible witnesses include Beau Biden’s widow Halle Biden, Hunter Biden’s ex-wife Katherine and a Delaware gun store clerk. Or, as Hunter calls it, his dream foursome.
President Biden was seen riding bicycles with Hunter in Delaware over the weekend. It’s part of his new workout program called “Immortal.”
I had to work hard to get one from you. I wonder if they would like these. Mexico has officially elected its first female president. I know! Yes, like you care. Oh, finally a woman. Oh girl, come on. shut up. Her name is Claudia Sheinbaum. That’s right, Claudia Sheinbaum. Do you know the Tijuana Scheinbaums? You should try her Gefilte fish tacos. But what are her top priorities as president? Let your daughter marry a doctor. Ha ha! I don’t care if you don’t like it. God, I would be miserable if I did that.
Mexican presidential candidate Sheinbaum, who promises to reduce crime, faces huge obstacles from powerful cartels
Anthony Fauci today said suggestions that he influenced the analysis of leaks from a CIA laboratory were a conspiracy as he testified about the U.S. response and origins of the coronavirus pandemic. It makes him sound like Jason Bourne. But look, man, no one is confusing Fauci with Jason Bourne. One is a government-backed murderer, and the other is Matt Damon.
Pro-Hamas protesters clashed with Philadelphia’s gay pride parade over the weekend. Despite their differences, they both share a love for suspicious packages. The official Facebook page of the U.S. Navy SEALs has been mocked for marking the start of Pride Month. But in honor of this month, terrorists are getting free makeup for every compound attack. Well, the saga of Donald J. Trump continues. Really? What did we talk about in front of him? Except for me, of course. Too bad we only had an hour. But have you noticed the reaction to Trump’s conviction? When Jesse performs, the sound is quieter than my TV. Of course, there are the usual crazy cases where anything Trump-related causes incontinence.
Joy Behar: My reaction was I bought ten boxes of Keurig coffee at Costco and my watch started buzzing and I was so excited that I started leaking.
So Joy Behar peed herself at Costco. For the first time, it’s no longer a free sample of chocolate lard cubes. But aside from Joey and some washed-up actors, where is all the noise? No one danced, cried or peed happily in the streets. The truth is, even some on the left admit the prosecution was unfair. Some realize they have gone too far even before sentencing. It’s like when you and your spouse are fighting and you make a casual comment about her meatloaf and then realize, oh shit, I’m in on it too. They are right. The verdict led to a surge in Trump’s poll numbers and a $200 million increase in donations. $200 million!
Trump’s verdict ignites donor base, leading to massive fundraising campaign in May
$200 million? That’s more money than I make in a year. It even crashed Trump’s donation site, something I haven’t seen since I created the GoFundMe page to ban Brian Kilmeade from the park. If you want to hang out there, buy a dog. Within 24 hours, Trump’s new TikTok account gained more than 2 million followers, crushing the Biden-Harris account which had a five-month lead. To be fair, that’s a pretty low bar. Hell, even Hillary’s left testicle has more followers than Biden-Harris. But those bored idiots on TikTok are a voting group that Biden cannot afford to lose. What’s next? Biden starting to lose support among people with dementia? In fact, Americans can tell the difference between Trump and Biden. One is faced with a sentence and the other is unable to complete it.
Berenson said he would vote for the Democratic candidate in 2024 instead of Donald Trump. (Photo by James Devaney/GC Images | Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images)
So how did Trump do it? How did he turn his faith into an electoral windfall? How does he convert his opponent’s energy into power? I call it the theory of eternal suspense. For Trump, when one scene ends, it leads to the next, equally thrilling scene. He’s like an orange Harry Potter. And the people who create the suspense are those obsessed with taking him down. This is a perpetual motion machine.
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Their attacks can’t help but set the stage for the question: What will he do next? What he did next created yet another reason to attack. Do you think you killed him? No. He ushered in the next chapter with warm applause.
