NPR readers are paying tribute to the father figures in their lives.
Julie Reuben/Kristin Muher/Rebecca Summerloh/Nathan Rudy/Molly Mamaril/Abby Hanke Roman/Riva Binks
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Julie Reuben/Kristin Muher/Rebecca Summerloh/Nathan Rudy/Molly Mamaril/Abby Hanke Roman/Riva Binks
Dads: You put in the effort for Mother’s Day. This Sunday, it’s your turn to be pampered and hear kind words about you from those you love.
For Father’s Day, we asked NPR readers to tell us about the father figures who shaped their lives. You share stories about fathers who cheered you on for your life decisions and career, and who taught you life-long lessons. Others shared stories about how their father’s absence shaped their own parenting.
These are some of the most striking responses.
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.
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Dads act as cheerleaders
Abby Henkel Roman counts her father as her biggest cheerleader.
Abby Hankel Roman
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Abby Hankel Roman
Abby Henkel Roman, of Bloomington, Indiana, said she was never “ashamed” of her sexual orientation because of her parents. They were LGBTQ+ rights advocates long before Henkel Roman came out as a lesbian in college. When she did this, she said, her father “showed not only his support but his enthusiasm, and he excitedly told me how everyone was doing.” In addition to her wife, Henkel · Roman also considers her father to be her biggest cheerleader. “Many of my childhood friends have said how much my father was a father figure to them…and how my parents’ marriage taught them to model healthy, loving, long-term relationships.
Molly Mamaril moved to Honolulu to retrace her parents’ footsteps and learn more about her heritage.
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When Molly Mamaril thinks about her father, she thinks about how genuinely excited he always felt when he saw others succeed. “It’s so refreshing to be with someone who makes your happiness and success their own,” she said. “He didn’t do it for attention, he did it because he really wanted you to be happy.” Mamaril’s father is from Hawaii but has lived in Minnesota for more than three decades. She now lives in Honolulu and is retracing her family’s footsteps to learn more about her heritage. “My mom and dad fostered this natural curiosity in us about the world. They were both librarians, so it made sense.”
Dad is a hero
Christine Muehe said her father was Superman and her family was lucky to have him in their lives.
Christine Muhe
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Christine Much
Christine Muehe has one word to describe her father: Superman. In 1970, he lost a leg while working on the Santa Fe Railroad. Still, he taught Muehe how to ski, change a flat tire, paint a room, lay tiles and more. “I often combine him with Clint Eastwood’s heroic persona, Harrison Ford’s love of adventure and Kevin Costner’s charisma,” she said. “He was my dad and he was the best. Our family is lucky to have him in our lives. I hope he knows how much I love him.”
Nathan Rudy said he is deeply involved in his community because of the lessons his father taught him.
Nathan Rudy
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Nathan Rudy
Living in the shadow of Nathan Rudy’s father, Donald, seems hard. The “burly, bearded, bespectacled man with forearms that would have made Popeye jealous” was a Korean War Navy veteran. He holds a master’s degree from Harvard University and a doctorate from the University of Washington.
Donald had accomplished so much before Nathan was a teenager. Despite this, he Nathan was never pressured to be like him or think like him. “People just expected me to be a good person and help other people in need,” Nathan said. Nathan is now deeply involved in his community and raising his daughter Kendi to be strong and do the things she loves.
Dad is a teacher
Leah Etling’s father, William, was an author and longtime newspaper columnist. She followed in her father’s footsteps and became a professional writer and editor. She said her father was she First editor. “We used to have screaming matches over her revisions to my high school paper. For the record, I did most of the screaming.” Later in her career, Etling said she realized she was getting the most Good writing advice comes from her father: “Keep it understandable. Keep it concise. And, you can usually delete the first two sentences—you just clear your throat.
Julie Reuben’s father deeply influenced her career choices.
Julie Reuben
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Julie Reuben
Julie Ruben of Gulf Harbor Islands, Fla., also followed her father’s career, despite her initial resistance. Her father, Leon Gersten, was a teacher who “saw the light” in her and a calling to teach. Despite reacting negatively to the idea, he planted a seed. “As I finish my career, I am extremely grateful for the amazing, life-changing experiences and opportunities I have had and the lives I have impacted,” she said. “I am proud to dedicate my time, life and passion to working with children and being an extension of my father.
The dads (and moms) who stepped up
Sometimes, mom is the dad in our lives. McCain, of San Bruno, Calif., said he gives his mother a gift every Father’s Day. “I was raised by a single mom who wore two hats: mother and father,” he said. Kane grew up primarily around women. The influence of his mother, grandmother, aunts and others gave him a “testosterone-less impression” of what it meant to be a man. “I am more convinced that I must not only be a protector of the people I care about, but also be their caregiver, confidant and supporter,” he said.
Riva Binks of Raleigh, North Carolina, shares how much she and her husband, Adam, with whom she has three children, mean to her. She loved her father, whom she described as a “funny, gentle and thoughtful” man. But her father suffers from bipolar disorder, which can have negative consequences. “Adam played the first role that my father couldn’t quite fill,” Binks said. “I think Dad appreciated his son-in-law for that. I think he knew Adam picked up where he left off and slowly turned me back around and helped me keep going.”
Lessons learned from my father who couldn’t attend
Rebecca Summerlot wanted to raise her in a different way than the way she was raised.
Rebecca Summerlot
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Rebecca Summerlot
Rebecca Summerlot of Windermere, Florida, was estranged from her father, whom she said was abusive. “I didn’t intentionally raise my children in a way that was diametrically opposed to the way my father interacted with me,” she said. “But somewhere deep in my heart it’s left a mark.” Summerlot said her 11-year-old son knew he was loved and cherished. When he tells her something that interests him, she listens. “I realized, and I’m proud of it, that the way I raised my son was completely incomprehensible to my father. And that made all the difference.”
Jenn Manning, of Attleboro, Mass., has not had contact with her father in nearly 20 years. She said she taught her son to “accept feelings, solve problems bit by bit, avoid shame and yelling” and strive to be the opposite of her father. Although she admits it was difficult, she still recognizes the good things her father gave her, such as his sense of humor and values.
