Hilary DeCesare has had a wildly successful career, first as a Silicon Valley sales executive and later through her career as a life transformation and executive coach. But after the divorce, when it came to finding a new love interest, DeCesare spent years exploring dating apps, websites and other avenues without finding fulfillment.
Then it occurred to her: If she tried to achieve in other areas in which she was not good, she would need the same help.
“I have a pickleball tournament in three weeks, so what do I do? I set up lessons with a pickleball coach,” said DeCesare, 55, who now runs her own company, ReLaunch, in Colorado. “You don’t try to do it yourself. You go with the best people.
Enter the matchmaker.
Through a mutual acquaintance, DeCesare met Shannon Lundgren, a Harvard MBA living in San Francisco who had recently launched Shannon’s Circle, a professional matchmaking service. DeCesare met her future husband on the third date Rundgren set up for her, and the two have been married for nearly 11 years.
“Why do it yourself when you can scale your success and reach your goals faster?” DeCesare said. “This is it. Start living, and start living faster.
Matchmaking is big business
Although it accounts for less than a quarter of the dating industry that will be worth $4 billion by 2024 in the U.S. alone, matchmaking—and not just dating coaching, But actual one-on-one pairings have made a definite comeback in the past two decades. The centuries-old practice, long relegated to the shadows of dating sites and apps, has resurfaced as the go-to option for those with the resources to pay and the willingness to engage in the human dynamic of finding love through a third party.
Rachel Greenwald, an American matchmaker and Harvard Business School executive, said: “People are increasingly outsourcing their love lives, such as hiring a personal trainer at the gym or hiring a personal chef to cook for them.” Fellows, whose elite services range from $10,000 to $75,000 per month, with a minimum three-month commitment.
Of course, not everyone can hire a personal trainer or personal chef. But even at lower levels, personal matching is nothing like dating through an algorithm, and the price (almost always thousands of dollars or more) reflects that.
As I discovered while interviewing several professional matchmakers about the industry’s growth, exact numbers are elusive. Beyond that, the work doesn’t require a license and is largely unregulated. “This is essentially what I call the Wild West,” Greenwald said. “There are a lot of mom-and-pop shops.”
But business is booming, according to people familiar with the matter. Lisa Clampitt, a New York matchmaker, said there were about 50 one-on-one matchmakers in the United States at the turn of the century, and now there are more than 5,000. Only in the United States. “This industry is 100 percent growing,” she said.
Matchmakers say many clients are tired of the online/app approach to dating or feel they are not getting a return on the investment of their time. Meanwhile, at some services, helicopter parents trying to match up their adult children — or providing counseling on dating tips themselves — can account for a third or more of their business. (The parents can pay the fee, but they are not involved in the process, the matchmaker said.)
Former social worker Clampitt joins the industry In 2000, a marriage club of the same name was established, Catering to New York’s wealthy elite. A few years later, she founded the Matchmaking Institute (now called the Global Love Institute), which offers matchmaking and coaching certifications, proposes a code of ethics, and essentially serves as a trade association for matchmakers to share resources and best practices. The institute’s Global Love Conference, held in New York on May 8, has been called the largest gathering of its kind ever.
Modern blind dating doesn’t have much in common with its “your aunt has someone to meet” predecessor. Matchmakers say that while their clients often seek a committed relationship, marriage is not always — or even usually — the goal, which is one reason why a thorough vetting and interview process is required up front. For example, a newly divorced person might just want to meet a variety of people and feel good about themselves again, Greenwald said.
While most services attract clients from a variety of backgrounds, some target very specific areas, whether they are religious, geographical, sexual orientation or other nature. Michal Naisteter runs a service in Philadelphia that focuses on Jewish matching—“It’s a fun microcosm of dating,” she says. “It’s a very diverse city and the birthplace of America, but it’s more of a ‘local’ city – people have lived here for a long time, bought homes and stayed loyal to their teams. I I can’t tell you how many people I’ve met who feel like they already know everyone, but really don’t.
With estimates ranging from $10,000 to around $300,000 or more, matchmakers often serve as relationship concierges, helping clients avoid wasted time funneling online or app-based profiles into possible dates. Greenwald said she might vet and interview 10 to 20 people to present profiles to clients, a process she calls “curation.”
Elite matchmakers and their VIP clients
Who is the elite matchmaker with? wealth A spokesperson said they keep a very short list of customers at any given time, sometimes six or less, so they can focus on VIPs’ needs and respond quickly. (At the lower end of the cost spectrum, customers can expect a more agency approach—cheaper, but also less personalized.)
“If we were searching across the country, we would only find a few customers at a time,” says Cat Cantrill. Find the most suitable customers within the scope.
Cantril spent several years coaching women on how to navigate the dating world online and otherwise before jumping into the matchmaking world in 2020. She still does both, which seems to be common in the industry. Several matchmakers said they also provide clients with advice on clothing, personal branding, and building online profiles.
Despite the lack of licensing or mandatory certification, modern matchmaking is clearly a commercial enterprise, with incomes in the top echelons reaching seven figures. However, to do this, they must also be mindful of their own bottom line when it comes to finding the right matches or successful experiences for their clients.
Rachel Greenwald, for example, only works with male clients, in part because that’s just the math. Many other matchmakers do the same.
“The average age of blind date clients is over 40, and young people often can’t afford it because the prices are so high,” Greenwald said. “Over 40, there are far more quality single women and far fewer quality men – and many of those men want to date women 10 years younger because they want kids. So women The market is facing a squeeze.
Greenwald said matchmakers sometimes have to weigh the opportunity cost of introducing a client to a potential match versus sacrificing another client whose list of must-haves can be much more extensive. She said successful people think like lawyers about the hourly rate they want to achieve and the amount of work that might be required.
They must also be ruthless in their own empathetic ways. Greenwald said good matchmakers are attentive, connected listeners who may end up turning away 50% or more of their prospects because they don’t believe they can help those people find a match or have a positive journey.
“We’re not magicians. It’s very important for people to understand this business. It’s not like we hand someone a menu and allow them to order order food, Whatever they want.
On the other hand, when it works, it can be beautiful. Most matchmakers agree that “success” is in the eyes of their clients, whether it’s a mutually satisfying relationship, marriage, or just a process of self-discovery. But they say seeing people click and fall in love never gets old.
“People start to become so successful that they’re on top of the mountain themselves — and I find that plight so compelling,” New York’s Clampitt said. “I do help people develop a different skill set, which is completely different than being successful in business.”
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