At 31, I’m probably lucky in that I’ve only been invited to two weddings. Not because I don’t think weddings are fun (they are!), but because attending a bridal party is incredibly expensive.
By the time the actual wedding came around, I had thrown a marathon of celebrations—engagement party, bridal shower, bachelorette party—many of which required gifts. On their wedding day, I felt like I’d already spent a fortune celebrating my friends, so did the happy couple really need me to buy them an air fryer?
According to 2024 data from The Knot, the average bridesmaid spends more than $1,600 on a wedding, not including gifts. Then, you should spend another $100. To me, it felt like robbery.
To see if I was completely unreasonable, I talked to etiquette and financial experts. Here’s what they had to say.
Tori Dunlap, founder of Her First 100k
“Striking a balance between what you can afford and what is generally expected of a wedding party attending is key.
If you already spend a lot of money on these events, it’s definitely okay to spend less on wedding gifts. In fact, many couples understand the financial burden that comes with attending a wedding and don’t expect lavish gifts on top of everything else.
My advice is to communicate openly and honestly with the couple. Let them know you’re excited to be a part of their special day and explain your situation honestly. Often, a simple conversation is enough. A heartfelt note, a small but meaningful gift, or even just your presence are equally valuable.
Allison Cullman, Vice President of Brand Strategy at Zola
“It is customary for members of the wedding party to give gifts, but they do not necessarily have to be of great monetary value. It is a gesture of love.
Consider what options are available to you. Maybe the couple has a cash registry and you can donate a small amount. You can choose something small from their wedding registry, or you can create a personalized token of love.
There are things you can do for the couple before or on the wedding day, such as gathering all your friends to take photos. One of my bridesmaids did this for me and I am so grateful.
Anything that shows you’re there for someone means more than a check.
Anything that shows you’re there for someone means more than a check.
Alison Kalman
Vice President of Brand Strategy at Zola
Jen Glanz, founder of Bridesmaids for Hire
“When you have a bridal party, before the first day of role-playing, you should set a budget and stick to it. This should include all pre-wedding activities, and this budget should not be something someone else tells you.
No one requires you to bring a gift. I think you feel pressured to do so, but not expected to do so.
When it comes to why we give gifts, one reason is that we want to celebrate these people entering a new stage in their lives.
You can write them a handwritten note. The purpose of attending a wedding and giving gifts is to celebrate.
Hannah Nowack, senior editor at The Knot
“Members of the wedding party often give gifts to the couple. However, you ultimately need to decide what gift to give based on what works for your budget and how close you are to the couple.
Since you’ll be investing a lot of time and money in your pre-wedding festivities, use your best judgment when it comes to gift giving.
A good idea is to give group gifts with other bridesmaids. Whether you’re on a tight budget or not, this is a great option. Maybe there’s a big gift, like an espresso machine or a honeymoon couple’s massage, that you want to give to the couple, but know that doing it alone will exceed your budget.
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