Let’s say you’re at a restaurant with a group of friends. You order appetizers, maybe a bottle of wine, and dessert…and then the bill comes.
No one wants to bear the full cost. So what to do with the check? Do you give the money equally to everyone at the table? What if you only order a salad and your friend orders the seafood special?
Splitting the bill is an art. Whether you’re having a family-style dinner at a Korean BBQ joint or a three-course meal at a fancy restaurant, the meal should end with “a sense of equality in how the bill was divided,” says Kiki Aranita “.food editor new york magazine and former co-chef and owner of Philadelphia Hawaiian restaurant Poi Dog.
She explains common scenarios you may encounter when dining out with a large group and how to reduce awkwardness by staying fair and impartial.
Scenario 1: I’m late for dinner. Everyone at the table had ordered drinks and appetizers and were about to order their main courses. what do I do?
When you’re ready to order, tell the server you want to purchase food and drinks on separate checks, Aranita says. “It’s easier to handle than splitting a check by complicated percentages at the end of the night.”
If you choose to check in individually, tell the waiter at the beginning of the meal rather than at the end. This way they can keep track of everyone’s individual orders. Not every agency offers this option, but it never hurts to ask.
Scenario 2: Everyone ordered drinks except me – now they want to split the bill fairly!
Aranita says please speak up. “It’s like, ‘Hey guys — I didn’t drink.’ Often, that’s enough for everyone to reconfigure the bill to make it more equitable, and it’s only when you don’t speak out that problems arise.
If you’re ordering round after round of $20 cocktails, be aware of those in your party who are ordering less than you are. When the bill arrives, “maybe take the bulk of the tip” to cover your drink, Aranita says.
Scene 3: There are six of us. Can I ask the server to split the check into six ways?
Aranita said many restaurants now have updated point-of-sale systems that make it easier for servers to split checks in multiple ways. But that doesn’t always mean you should ask them to do so.
Aranita, who also worked as a bartender and server, recommends using a maximum of two to four credit cards. When working with large parties, especially on busy nights, the server “has enough to handle.” And using multiple cards with different tip percentages is not ideal.
“If there are six of you, just put down two credit cards” and use Venmo to pay each other what they owe, she said. This approach also works great for those on your team who are obsessed with racking up credit card points.
Scenario 4: Today is my birthday. My friend should pay for my meal, right?
In American culture, if your friends take you out to dinner to celebrate your birthday, they will pay for your meal. But that’s not always the case, Aranita said.
If you organize your own birthday dinner, don’t expect people to pay for it, she said. You choose the restaurant on your terms and invite your friends. So in this case, put down your card at the end of the meal. Your dining companion may pay your bill, but if they don’t, “that’s okay. You’re saying, ‘I can celebrate me, or you can pay for me.'”
Scenario 5: This is my friend’s first time at my favorite restaurant. I’m going to order an appetizer that I think everyone at the table will enjoy. We all share the cost, right?
It’s easy to get carried away by a favorite restaurant’s menu, but don’t assume your dining companion has the same enthusiasm for twice-fried onion rings. “You have to ask for their permission at the beginning of the meal. You can say, ‘Hey, would it be cool if I ordered appetizers at the table?'” Aranita says. If you forget to ask this question, assume You will pay for your order.
This episode was produced by Sylvie Doglis. Digital stories edited by Meghan Keane. Visual editor is Beck Harlan. We’d love to hear from you. Please leave us a message at 202-216-9823 or email LifeKit@npr.org.
Listen to “Life Kit” Apple Podcasts and Spotifyand register with our communication.
