Gutfeld: Biden is like a ‘crazy king, an old guy’ who can barely keep the presidency

So, as each day passes, it becomes more and more obvious that we live in a country run by a crazy royal family. You have a mad king, an old guy who can barely hold on to the presidency, let alone his own intestines. You meet the Evil Queen, an egotistical status seeker who demands to be called a doctor even though she’s not. This is a PhD in Education. It’s like asking to be called a pilot because a flight attendant pinned some wings to your shirt when you were 12. . And, of course, there’s Caligula, the so-called “Prince,” whose idea of ​​a family outing is a total blast. It feels like they need their own theme song.

Greg Gutfeld: Democrats and media have been exposed

Let’s start from the top. The guy was suspended by a thread, and that thread was suspended by a hair plug. On Monday, Joe sent a letter saying he was staying. It quoted, in part, “Democratic voters have already voted.” They chose me as the party’s nominee. Are we now just saying that the process is irrelevant and voters have no say?

Well, the truth is, Democratic voters have fewer choices than the orphan I hired to shave my back. In short, the letter says we successfully lied to you. It’s too late – it’s time to get off work. This is provocative. He’s angry not just at Democrats, but at the loss of light. He said to the Democrats, come and get me. Will they? Not if the Evil Queen can help. At a separate campaign stop in North Carolina yesterday, Gill claimed Joe was all-in.

U.S. First Lady Jill Biden, left, watches President Joe Biden address supporters and volunteers during a campaign event at the Biden-Harris campaign office in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, July 7, 2024 speech. The 81-year-old Democrat kicked off a grueling week with two campaign rallies in the battleground state of Pennsylvania before hosting a NATO leaders summit in Washington. (Saul Loeb/AFP via Getty Images)

Does he support your career? Besides marrying you, what else has he done for your career? He didn’t give up being a senator so you could go to fake doctor school. You are a substitute teacher. You didn’t separate conjoined twins. So, like one of the sign language interpreters, you see her at every event now, front and center, waving her arms like she’s warning people to stay away from Jerry Nadler who just left Same as the bathroom. This signal is for Joe and for me. She’s like Leonard Skynyrd. Yes, they are still touring even though everyone is dead. However, the media dare not accuse her because she will maintain the status quo at all costs. She didn’t want to go back to Delaware. No one did. The only thing worth looking at in Delaware is the road sign to New Jersey. But her compassion is as false as her degree. She was supposed to be teaching unresponsive kids at summer school, but she pretended to be a good wife and pushed her confused husband into traffic. What will be the result? Joe can’t resign. She would be seen as a villain. It would be a shame to have no more parties. No more expensive clothes. No more suffocating commercials with the constant, acrid smell of Whoopi farting on “The View.” So she’s forcing him to do this? Not for his health. He is dying. This is for her. She knew these days were coming.

First Lady Jill Biden and Hunter Biden, son of U.S. President Joe Biden, leave Wilmington, Delaware, accompanied by his wife Melissa Cohen Biden on June 11, 2024 The J. Caleb Boggs Federal Building. A federal jury has convicted Hunter Biden on all three federal felony firearms charges he faced. (Anna Chanmemaker/Getty Images)

Don’t scream, just talk. That’s exactly what I said to Judge Jenny. But they asked her to talk and she wouldn’t. Maybe she really is the acting president. It’s obvious that Jill is the one running the campaign because Joe can’t. If you wanted to prove that this debate was a one-time disaster, he was there to prove it. Instead, all he did yesterday was take his morning breath and yell. But to his credit, at least he didn’t try to order pizza. For once, those calling him crazy weren’t talking about Scarborough. Yeah, but what about the prince? Joe’s fun-loving son Hunter is now the commander-in-chief’s de facto janitor. More like a de facto crypt keeper. But this job is exactly what Hunter is good at. Hunter had a habit of spending weeks holed up in hotel rooms, planning and scheming. Who better to give Joe something to keep him sane? We already know how he shipped cocaine directly to the White House. Strangely, after all of this, Hunter was in the Oval Office. Do you believe? From the halfway house to the White House. From junkies to Lincoln’s bed, from meth pipes to the Star-Spangled Banner.

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All of this is crazy. You know, they tell you that if you don’t vote for Joe, the White House will be occupied by a power-hungry tyrant who refuses to step down even though everyone knows he’s unfit and a convicted felon will rule the country. . I guess they are right.