“Many things that crush you are not something you can bear.” ~Unknown
What are you worried about now? No matter how hard we try not to worry, and even if we know stress is bad for our health, worry inevitably creeps into our boundaries for one reason or another. Chronic stress causes wear and tear on our bodies and can lead to many health ailments.
This scares me because I am someone with many stress points in my life and a widowed, sole parent of three young children. I want to live a long and healthy life so I can be with my family and enjoy my life for as long as possible. For me, the stakes were high, and I knew I needed to work on how to deal with stress.
Dealing with our worries is a journey of learning when to let go and when to hold on during life’s wild rollercoaster.
My school district handed out nearly 300 pink slips this year. These are legal notices that your job is in danger of being cancelled. Although I have been teaching for twenty years, I am one of the teachers to receive this award.
You want to think of them as new teachers. The last one I received was six years into my career. However, receiving the pink slip at this time came as a huge shock to me and many of my senior colleagues as we had reached the pinnacle of our careers when we should have been staring down the final leg of retirement rather than going back Enter the job market.
My school is filled with worry. I’ve been in a leadership position, and one of the most difficult parts of the experience is watching adults break down, cling to worst-case scenarios and become anxious about the future.
After the initial shock wears off, their emotions cycle between anger, sadness, and fear. Many of them don’t know how to pay their bills. The toxicity of everyone’s emotions hangs like a dark cloud over all of us, and I find it hard to process my emotions in this hopeless environment.
I found myself turning to Buddhist practice during this time. The first of the Four Noble Truths of Buddhism is dukkha, or suffering. Suffering is a fact of life. It exists on a spectrum from minor annoyances to major tragedies, often a matter of life and death.
Another way to look at pain is when life doesn’t go as expected or when you don’t get what you want. Pain or the fear of pain can cause worry.
My life became comfortable, but I felt unprepared for work. I didn’t even think this pain would exist, but of course it always has. I was worried about not finding a similar position, and I was worried about presenting myself in interviews and trying to sell myself as a professional.
Realizing that attachment leads to suffering is Noble Truth #2. Letting go of these attachments to stop suffering is Noble Truth #3, and the truth of the way forward is Noble Truth #4. These are designed to help us accept reality and live our personal journey in the best possible way.
Once the initial shock of the pink slip wore off, I started imagining various scenarios and how I would respond. I realized that no matter what happened, there was a path forward, even if I couldn’t fully conceptualize what my path would look like.
One of my colleagues said something profound during the crisis. He’s not usually the type to keep his cool in the face of adversity, but he said, “I’ve lost a lot of positions in my life, but I’ve always found a better place.”
These words have stuck with me. No matter what happens, you will likely grow and learn from the experience, and you may end up better than before.
Part of learning to accept reality is understanding and accepting the concept of impermanence. Impermanence means nothing is set in stone.
The bad news is that the good things in your life don’t last forever. You don’t always have the people you love most in your life. The car you buy new is going to get scratches and end up with a lot of miles on it.
The good news, however, is that the bad things in your life won’t stay the same either. The quarrel subsided. Elections come and go. The recession will eventually disappear in the rearview mirror.
We eventually adapt to changes in our environment, even changes we don’t want.
I know the education budget crisis will eventually pass. I know this because in 2012, it felt like a lifetime ago that I was waving signs, advocating, and wearing pink in the streets to show solidarity. Now, we wear “red for education” and are back on the streets fighting for education funding in 2024.
In the past twelve years, I have never given a thought to budgeting. I survived the recession and kept my job.
It will be better.
And it’s going to get worse.
It will also look different.
This is part of the journey.
Accepting the concept of no-self is important in addressing our concerns. It is necessary to separate who you are from your problems. I think we have a tendency to merge the two.
I hear people make self-deprecating comments such as “I’m a terrible speaker.” This is not a fixed character trait.
The way to become a better speaker is to keep speaking. Come practice. Trial and error.
The only way out is through. You have to do this. I think a lot of our worries come from labeling ourselves that are inauthentic. This can cause us to ignore the fact that we can change our situation at any given moment, even if it is just our perspective and attitude.
I’m a teacher, but that’s not me. I teach in a specific department at a specific school and teach a specific course, but those details are not me either.
When these aspects of our lives feel important and familiar, it’s easy for us to cling to these labels and call them identities. However, no matter what, everything inevitably ends at some point and we are still the same people, with or without the details we hold on to so tightly.
We must strive to be less self-attached. Our stupid selves naturally think “me, me, me.” We tend to be self-centered. We get so caught up in our own personal circumstances that we lose sight of our own little bubble, which obscures the bigger picture.
Finally, making an effort to be non-attached is one way to reduce worry. We cling to too many things and that’s what causes us suffering.
As a teacher, I see my students aspire to get into a specific college, or get a certain grade, or win a competition, the list goes on. There is no improvement in adulthood. Adults may become obsessed with projecting a certain image or having a certain amount of money. Parents may pay attention to what sports they think their children should play or how they want their children to do in school.
Let those expectations pass. Stop clinging to one version of life. Be open to other changes and you may have one less thing to worry about. This requires trusting the countless paths life offers us.
Finally, my school district rescinded all of our pink slips. Nothing is going to change at my job, at least not next year.
People might think this experience is an emotional waste, but I think it’s a wake-up call. I know that after going through this experience I will be stronger, more resilient, and better prepared for whatever is to come.
Suffering is important and can actually make us better people. Thich Nhat Hanh said, “Pain is a necessary condition for happiness. We must know the pain of being too cold to enjoy and appreciate warmth.
One way to think about the things we worry about is to accept the worst-case scenario and be willing to learn. This changes the way we view pain. It transforms us from fearful demons into committed but influential teachers who help us get comfortable with the uncomfortable.
It’s important to remember that the present moment isn’t always rainbows and unicorns. Sometimes we lose a job, someone breaks up with us, a loved one dies, the refrigerator breaks, we get sick, and many other potentially unwelcome situations.
Whatever happens, we need to be able to live with it, knowing that it won’t last because of impermanence, and remember that it’s teaching us something about ourselves.
Perhaps half the battle with worry is normalizing failure—adjusting our reality. Instead of internalizing failure, recognize that it is a normal part of growing up. It doesn’t define who we are. It’s not something to hold on to, but something to reflect on and let go of so that you can make space in your life and have the energy to try again.
When you are worried about something, remember that the best way out is to get over it. Trust the process.
About Theresa Shimokawa
Teresa Shimokawa is a person who strives to do good in the world. She is a teacher, storyteller, and currently studying to be an assistant to the Shin Buddhist minister. She writes at www.houseofteresa.com.
