In a few days, the relaxed atmosphere of summer vacation will be replaced by the rigorous schedule of the new school year.
Even for kids eager to return to the classroom, the transition isn’t always easy. Things can be even more worrisome if children are nervous about a new teacher, a new school, or the prospect of making new friends.
With summer vacation coming to an end, The Times spoke with psychologists about how parents can help their children get into the mindset of going back to school. Here’s their advice:
Don’t wait until the last minute to talk about the new school year.
Rather than having one big conversation, make transitions a little at a time during the last week or two of summer vacation, says Samantha Sweeney, a licensed psychologist in Washington, D.C. ; Another day, you can plan what to bring for lunch. Activities like these provide children with opportunities to talk about their feelings about the year ahead.
“If you bring it up all at once, you’re going to freak out right away,” she said. “It’s often easier for kids to do it gradually.”
If your child is anxious about going back to school, don’t try to talk them out of it.
Experts say it’s important to acknowledge their feelings and make them feel heard.
“If you say, ‘No, no, no, school is great and it’s going to be wonderful,’ they’ll say, ‘You don’t understand’ or ‘You don’t understand,'” Sweeney said. Author of “A Parent’s Guide to Supporting Anxious Children.”
Trying to convince children to feel a certain way can backfire, says Erin Kennedy Moore, a clinical psychologist in Princeton, New Jersey, who specializes in parenting and child development. “The more we argued, ‘This is going to be great!’ the more they insisted, ‘This is going to be terrible!’
Don’t give false assurances.
Sweeney said there’s a risk in telling your children that everything will be fine, or that school will be the same as last year, because it may not be the case.
Instead, boost their confidence by reminding them of past successes, such as their record of making new friends. You can also tell them that you will be there to support them if they need help.
Try to get to the root of their concerns.
Are they nervous because they don’t know what to expect from their new teacher? Will they be using a locker for the first time and worried about forgetting the combination to the lock?
Experts say that once you have a better understanding of the problem you’re dealing with, you and your child can brainstorm solutions together. Get the ideas flowing by reminding them of their past experiences overcoming similar problems.
“You’re coaching them, but you’re not giving them all the answers,” says Mary Alward, a cognitive behavioral psychologist in Rockville, Maryland, and co-author of The Action Mindset Workbook for Teens. “My goal with parents is to teach kids how to be more proactive, how to take initiative. It builds resilience.
Consider rehearsing for the first day of school.
This isn’t something everyone needs, but if your child is worried about how to get to campus or where to find the bathroom, a trial run may ease their worries.
“Knowing what to do can help kids feel more confident about coping,” says Kennedy Moore, founder of the Kids Ask Dr. Friendtastic podcast.
Sweeney, a former school psychologist, says schools may even allow your children to meet with their teachers as their classrooms are being set up.
“It can make a big difference when they walk in the door that first day and see a familiar face,” she said.
Talk about a worrying scenario.
“It’s impossible to anticipate every possible problem, so an important question for your child to consider is, ‘Who can help you if you need help?'” Kennedy-Moore said.
You may be able to resolve some issues ahead of time. For example, if your child is worried about sitting next to someone at lunch, encourage them to make plans with their friends.
Talking can also help your child realize that what they fear is unlikely to happen. If they are afraid that no one will pick them up and they will have to stay at school overnight, ask them or anyone they know if this has ever happened to them.
Encourage children to reconnect with friends.
Children may be nervous about meeting some of their classmates for the first time in months. Plan a play date or two before school starts to smooth the way. Sweeney said older children may prefer breaking the ice through text messages or social media apps.
Another way to help children relieve their tension is to have them practice what they do when they see their peers at school. Kennedy-Moore suggests they look their friend in the eye, smile, say “hi,” and say their friend’s name. This is followed by a sincere compliment—“Cool backpack!”—or a question that begins with “how” or “what.”
To further put your child at ease, practice how they answer possible questions. If asked, “How was your summer?” Kennedy-Moore says a child can respond with “It was great,” followed by a fact like “We went to the beach with my cousins.”
Give your child time to adjust their sleep schedule.
Experts say moving forward gradually will make the transition easier. Wake them up 15 or 30 minutes earlier each morning and encourage them to get dressed and eat breakfast to establish a routine. This will also help them fall asleep earlier if waking up early makes them tired.
Alward, an adjunct professor at the George Washington University School of Medicine and Health Sciences, said getting enough rest is an important factor in academic success.
“Lack of sleep interferes with mood regulation and mental clarity,” she says. “When you’re tired, everything looks worse.”
But don’t panic if your new sleep schedule doesn’t stick by the time school starts. Just keep their after-school schedule open to facilitate early bedtime.
“After a few days, your child will get over the jet lag from the shift change,” says Kennedy-Moore.
Don’t pass your anxieties on to your children.
Children often look to adults for cues on how to react in unfamiliar or unusual situations, Kennedy-Moore said.
“As parents, if we stay calm and positive about school, it’s easier for our children to have positive expectations,” she said.
This may be easier said than done. Alward said parents tend to fear the worst when it comes to their children and view things in an all-or-nothing manner. If they can learn to recognize and adjust their own thinking patterns, she says, they can help their children do the same.
Focus on the positive.
If the first day of school is a struggle for your child, praise them for staying the course.
“Say, I’m proud of you, we’re eating ice cream,” Sweeney said. “I personally have a philosophy that ice cream solves all problems.”
