“To think new ideas, you must break the bones in your mind.” ~Jean-Paul Sartre
Dear Mr. Sartre, I disagree. This is That Story, not for the faint of heart.
Today is a bad day
Oh no, not again!
The walls closed in on me and I could see their faces were panicked and red.
Why are they yelling at me? I mean, are they shouting? exist I?
I could feel the tension in the room. I just can’t hear anything. Well, actually, yes, I can.
i can hear she.
I could hear Annabelle’s voice.
I knew it was my turn to say something. But what if my voice shakes? What if they laugh at me? What if I open my mouth but no words come out?
Seriously? Are you quoting Eminem now? What’s wrong…what’s wrong with you? Say something, anything, damn it!
Meet Annabelle, the charming voice of my inner critic. Unlike my parents, she was always…well, there. Not popular, but there.
I can see this happening again. I was stunned.
Why can’t you do anything well? You couldn’t be more wrong. No wonder you have no real friends!
At this point, my thoughts were beyond redemption. Annabell leads them. And what about between us? This young man in his twenties just wanted to take a break!
You better believe that on the way home, Annabelle burrowed into my heart over and over again like a merciless woodpecker.
Congratulations! You are now the laughing stock of the cute little debating club. Haha, don’t show up again next time!
I quickly ran back to my room and closed the door. Maybe this will overwhelm Annabelle.
“Okay, okay, come on, start saying your affirmations! Maybe this will work.
I have confidence. I am strong. My life has meaning…
But nothing works. No amount of positive thinking was going to do anything for me. So, I did what anyone in my situation would do. I surrendered to Annabelle and indulged in it!
The funny thing is, I can almost see her smug face smiling at me. Be nice to her. She got what she wanted – a broken toy.
Self-pity, check it out.
Self-loathing, double check.
Nervous breakdown and no will to continue? Check through the roof.
I hit rock bottom again. My originally vibrant eyes also turned cold, staring into space.
Before I tell you how I got through it, let me tell you what I actually went through.
A familiar friend came to visit me
…Dear Anxiety!
I like to think of anxiety as this beast with two heads.
One always wants to manage how others view us. It craves their thumbs up or nod of approval because it cannot survive without them.
Others are always in a position of distrust—distrust in ourselves, others, or the process of life. It’s the belief that we have never succeeded and never will succeed.
Maybe that’s what Annabelle was doing to me that day – jumping to the worst-case scenario and dramatizing the whole thing in my mind.
This is anxiety for you.
There was a knock on my door for the second time.
Of course, it’s not a party without the blues.
Depression is like an uninvited guest with a sign of gloom and doom stamped on your forehead.
I felt terrible when I came home from the club and trapped myself in my room for hours.
For me, there is no light at the end of the tunnel. That’s it. I no longer see the point in anything and I’m sure the world would be a better place without me.
This is what depression does.
In fact, Louise Hay is right when she defines depression as “anger that you feel you have no right to have.”
This is anger that is pent up somewhere in the body – pent up anger that is looking for an outlet.
This is why saying affirmations doesn’t work for me when I’m having a meltdown. It’s still early days.
I guess the best way I can describe my two companions to you is this: If depression were a person, it would be a person waving a white flag—a person who feels defeated and has given up. Anxiety, on the other hand, is someone who clings to the flag and refuses to let go.
Now, if you see a glimpse of yourself in my experience, please know that these feelings are very real in the body. Chemically speaking, the body will be in an imbalanced state, with lower levels of happy hormones like serotonin and dopamine and higher levels of stress chemicals.
These conditions would leave anyone with the impression that they would not survive this storm. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.
So, how did I move towards a better future?
#1: I allow myself to feel angry.
Why am I angry?
When was the last time I felt disenfranchised? The right to feel, the right to screw up, the right to express, the right to make mistakes?
Is it possible that I’m angry at myself for feeling angry because I learned growing up that feeling that way was wrong?
The thought of these things is enough to make me scream. It was like every part of my soul was begging to reconnect with my throat chakra and regain my voice, or at least part of it.
Within the first minute or so, I felt my lungs give in.
But I needed to scream. It feels good. Really, really good.
#2: I accept my emotions.
There was no fuel left in my body to fight the grains. I couldn’t keep denying how I felt. I had to name it to tame it.
So I looked in the mirror and felt relieved: I feel anxious. I feel frustrated. OK? There.
But that’s not all I do.
I remind myself that depression and anxiety are my body’s way of telling me that there is a disease within me.
Discomfort means a lack of ease or a lack of harmony. This is the body’s signal to people that they are far from optimal health. Great!
With this in mind, I accept these feelings and thank my body for communicating them to me.
While our feelings are always valid, our assessment of the situation—the thoughts behind those feelings—may not be.
This leads to my third strategy.
#3: I observed my thoughts.
Like I said before, this is not my first rodeo.
Thanks to my journal, I reviewed “The Checklist”—the list of unshakable facts I outline in emergencies. This is definitely an emergency.
It was then that I stumbled across a quote from Eckhart Tolle:
“Watch your thoughts and don’t believe them.”
Eureka!
When a person is depressed or anxious, they are likely to be bombarded with a lot of negative thoughts that are true for them. Rubbish idea, really.
But should they believe every thought they have?
This is also at the heart of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work. He contends that not everything we think is necessarily true.
“Most ideas,” he said, “Just old circuits in your brain that have become hardwired by your repetitive will.
So, I didn’t fight Annabelle. I didn’t try to reason with the negative thoughts she fed into my brain.
I didn’t even defend them or boycott them.
I observe them like clouds and flowing water without judging. As I get ready, I watch them fade into the background.
We all know that when we are calm and relaxed, we make space for magic and healing. It’s the fastest and easiest way to develop better habits and restructure our thoughts.
#4: I choose the better idea.
Thoughts are mental movies we play in our heads. The psychological movie I watched there was not ideal.
Did Annabelle’s useless chatter help or hurt me? Do her thoughts empower me or make me small? Did they breathe life into me, or slowly lay me on my death bed?
If I really want to change this situation, I have to change the thought patterns that make me perceive this situation in the first place.
Instead of saying affirmations that felt lifeless to me, I chose phrases that felt good enough to be said out loud—phrases that I had little resistance to.
These are some of my favorites!
- The Divine Love within me removes all disharmony. I’m at peace now.
- I am guided by the divine presence within me. It created me and is now restoring me to perfection.
- Infinite wisdom revealed the perfect solution to my problem.
- I breathe deeply and fully. When I breathe in the breath of life, I am nourished.
These affirmations remind me that even in moments when I may feel embarrassed or low self-esteem, I am always whole, loved, and supported.
Here’s my rule of thumb: If an idea doesn’t empower you or fill you with love, question it.
#5: I commit to myself to be consistent with my new story.
consistency is the name of the game.
Once I decide on new ideas, I want to repeat them every day.
I didn’t force myself to accept these new ideas immediately. I know Annabelle will fight tooth and nail with me.
So the effort is gradual and cumulative. Easy to do!
As usual, a relaxed body and a calm mind are easier to change than a tense mind and body.
I promised myself that whenever depression or anxiety would creep in, oh my God how they do, especially in the beginning, I would feel them without thinking about the thoughts associated with them.
In those moments I told myself: I have the ability to change. I can learn new ways of thinking. I am teachable.
Through constant repetition, little by little, old, tired thoughts are replaced by new, energizing thoughts.
final thoughts
Notice I didn’t say “my” anxiety or “my” depression? How do I say: “I Felt anxious or depressed” instead of “I yes Anxious or depressed?
That’s because you and I are not depressed or anxious. we are all living beings experience these conditions.
So no, Mr. Sutter. You don’t have to break your head to think of new ideas.
You just have to move forward with a sense of love. The rest will fall into place.
About Mercer Moon Hotel
Moon Merthur is a psychic, holistic spiritual teacher, and founder of Gods and Mirrors. She loves to connect human things with divine truth. If the high priestess falls in love with a mortal, she becomes their child. You can learn more about her on her website . If you enjoy spiritual topics and channel messaging, connect with her on Gods and Mirrors (YouTube). There might be something in there for you. ❣
