“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu
We were once thought to be conflict-free, but one fateful night in May 2007, our relationship fell apart, exposing our supposedly happy façade. We always said, “We’ll be fine because we never fight.” Well, that belief was shattered on my father’s fifty-fourth birthday. What was supposed to be a dinner with her parents turned into a nightmare, marking the beginning of a painful ordeal.
My then-husband suffered a bloody head injury after visiting friends, which turned our evening into chaos. The uneasiness started to set in while I was trying to bandage him and quickly escalated once we got home. A heated argument resulted in me defiantly leaving, resulting in him reacting violently and breaking a chair as he rushed to stop me.
Our confrontation spilled onto the porch and I suffered a head injury from his fall that required sixteen staples. Despite my attempts to escape, he overpowered me and took away my keys and cell phone. The drive that followed was a frenzied blur of speed and violence that ended with me jumping out of the moving car for my safety after being punched three times in the face.
The night came to a head at the house of my father-in-law, who reluctantly stepped in despite his frustration. I eventually found myself in the ER, a day marked by undiagnosed antisocial personality and substance abuse, ending grimly.
The distressing events of that night marked a shocking departure from what I knew our relationship to be, the only violent incident in a seemingly peaceful union. His sudden outbursts of aggression revealed hidden depths of disturbing behavior, a reality rooted in psychological complexity that I was painfully unaware of until later.
Ironically, my role as a wedding coordinator for an upscale hotel chain made the situation even more surreal. Less than a year after exchanging vows of love and commitment, I found myself hiding bruises—visible, physical reminders of betrayal—while promoting the celebration of love for others.
This contrast between my work life and personal experiences not only deepened my determination to seek healing, but also highlighted my resilience in the face of life’s unpredictable challenges, further inspiring me on my journey toward healing and empowerment.
Awakening: Realizing the need for change
That night caught me off guard. Until that day, our lives had been free of violence, making the ordeal not only a physical but also a psychological one. It was this sudden confrontation with violence that forced me to reevaluate everything I thought about our relationship.
Immediately afterwards, the urgent need for safety and treatment takes precedence over everything but understanding the cause. Thinking back on that night, I realize it was not about recognizing a pattern of escalation, but rather understanding how this event profoundly changed my life and perspective.
Years of Transformation…and Loss
In the months following that terrible night, I began a journey of healing and self-discovery, and just as I began to find my footing, less than a year later, my mom’s death brought another wave sad. This “double whammy” of loss and trauma tested the limits of my endurance!
My mother’s passing not only heightened the emotional turmoil, but also served as a profound and real reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of healing and growth. It forced me to face my grief and integrate this pain into my recovery journey.
In thinking about the night of domestic violence and the death of my mother, I realized that the path to healing is not linear, but rather a mosaic of our experiences—each experience, no matter how painful, contributes to our wholeness.
The lessons learned in the shadows of loss and violence illuminated my inner strength and guided me to a deeper understanding of forgiveness and a life without regrets.
The Path to Healing: Embracing a New Beginning
My healing journey began with the unwavering support of family and friends, whose presence became my refuge. Recognizing the depth of my trauma, I sought professional help and attended therapy sessions to provide me with a safe space to unpack and confront my experiences. This led me to the Domestic Violence Intervention Service (DVIS), where counseling sessions became the cornerstone of my recovery, providing me with the tools and understanding I needed to rebuild my sense of self.
In order to get rid of the mental distress and anxiety that plagued me, I began taking (albeit briefly) antidepressant medication to stabilize my mood.My quest for understanding led me to reading sociopath next door By Martha Stout It shed light on my then-husband’s puzzling behavior. Her book illuminates the nature of sociopathy and its impact on our lives.
In search of answers to deeper existential questions, specifically the “passing” of my mother at the age of fifty-four, I delved deeper into everything happens for a reason Author: Mira Kirschenbaum. Her book provides much-needed perspective on why these things happened to me in my search for meaning in the face of unexplained loss.
Journaling became a tool for reflection, a way to pour out my thoughts and begin to see my experiences as seeds of spiritual awakening. This introspection led me to explore self-discovery systems such as numerology, which opened up new avenues of understanding and self-awareness.
A key moment in my recovery was attending a spirit fair and two months after my mother passed away, a medium delivered her message! This emotional and enlightening encounter provided tremendous comfort and a strong motivation to keep going, a powerful reminder of her enduring presence and guidance in my journey toward new beginnings.
the power of forgiveness
Forgiving my then-husband, and perhaps more challengingly myself, was not an act of forgetfulness but a conscious decision to release the anger and resentment in my heart. By James Van Praagh After discovering that forgiveness is a gift we give ourselves, forgiving both of us was crucial to my healing journey as it allowed me to regain peace and live without past resentment. Keep moving forward despite the heavy yoke.
The power of no regrets
Embracing a life without regrets has always been my philosophy, but this ordeal deepened its meaning. It taught me to actively learn lessons from every challenge, reconcile with the past, and be optimistic about the future. This mindset empowers me to live with more purpose and reminds me of the power of facing life with an open mind and a fearless spirit.
Growth Guide: Steps to Healing and Growth
Learning to forgive and live without regrets are transformative practices that can change your life. Here are some methods I’ve found may be helpful on your journey:
Cultivate forgiveness:
Take some time to reflect on your situation so you can confront your feelings directly.
Just as I had to face the reality of my then-husband’s undiagnosed mental health issues and the violence it resulted in, taking the time to reflect on how much it affected me was the first step toward healing. Likewise, acknowledging the hurt it has caused you and allowing yourself to fully feel it is crucial to your journey toward forgiveness.
Try to see your situation from the other person’s perspective.
Understanding the role sociopaths played in my then-husband’s behavior did not excuse them, but helped me see the situation from a broader perspective. While it can be challenging, especially in situations of abuse or betrayal, trying to understand the “why” behind someone’s behavior can be a step toward releasing anger.
Write a letter to the person you want to forgive (you don’t have to send it) expressing how their behavior affected you and making a conscious decision to let go of the burden that’s holding you back.
After I finished writing my blessings and wishing him all the best, I burned it during the full moon ceremony.
Choose yourself and realize that holding on to anger and resentment will only keep you tied to the past and People who hurt you.
When you choose forgiveness, you choose your own peace, freedom, and happiness rather than remaining bound by painful emotions and those who have hurt you. Forgiveness is an act of self-love and self-preservation that allows you to regain your strength and move forward with grace and strength.
No regrets in life:
Recognize what is within your control and let go of what is not.
While I miss my mother beyond words, I have come to realize that her death had a crucial impact on me and that she shaped me into the person I am today. This acceptance is the key to living without regrets and moving forward with peace.
Take responsibility for your choices, learn from your mistakes and don’t let them define you.
I remind myself that although I have experienced violence, I am not a victim. Choosing to seek help after leaving the relationship was a crucial and empowering decision that got me to where I am now. Acknowledging that every decision, including contacting DVIS, played an important role in my journey reinforced the importance of owning our choices to living a regret-free life.
Treat every experience as a learning opportunity.
The day I discovered I was hiding a bruise at work made me realize the harsh reality of appearance versus truth. Every challenge offers a lesson, so ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” Turn regrets into lessons for growth.
Practice mindfulness.
Journaling and receiving angel messages from my mom both taught me the importance of living in the moment and finding peace. Being mindful can help reduce dwelling on past mistakes or worries about the future.
Keep a gratitude journal and regularly write down the things you are grateful for to shift your focus from what is missing or what could have been to appreciating what you have.
I know how grateful I am for the support of family and friends, professional guidance, and moments of calm that have helped me shift my perspective from loss to gratitude, and I recommend this practice to anyone going through a healing journey.
Engage in activities that bring you joy and satisfaction and leave no room for regret.
Closing Thoughts…
As you turn the page in your life, remember that every challenge is an opportunity to grow and every setback is a chance to become stronger. Let the experiences I share here remind you that you are not alone in your struggles and that deep within you lies an indestructible spirit that can overcome any obstacle.
Embrace each day with hope and courage, knowing that within adversity lie the seeds of your greatest strength. Let it grow, let it shine, and let it guide you to your strongest self.
About Brandi Ray
Brandi Lei has been on a profound healing journey since 2007, and a personal loss in 2008 deepened her exploration of spirituality, numerology, and mandala art. With over 17 years of dedicated self-study and practice, she now works to inspire, educate, and empower individuals on their path to personal growth and spiritual enlightenment. Schedule a free discovery session on her website or connect on social media to start your transformational journey. Brandilei.com / Brandi Lei, Metaphysician (@brandilei.metaphysicalminister)
