“A ship in a harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for.” ~ John Augustus Scheider
I grew up in a traditional home steeped in Catholic values in the Midwest, where safety was paramount. We followed the traditional roles: father, mother, brother and sister, and I was the little sister.
My parents were loving, but my mother raised her children with a fearful eye, constantly worrying about potential dangers. This fierce protectiveness was a testament to her love, but it also convinced me that taking the safe route was the only way to go in life.
One day, I didn’t get out of the car because I had to go to a track meet after school. When I got home an hour late, I met a crying woman. Now, as a mother, I totally understand this. This was long before cell phones, but she told me early on that safety was my top priority and I never wanted her to worry about me again.
In the Midwest, the traditional path is clear: go to school, come home, hang out with friends, graduate high school, go to college, meet a partner, get married and have kids. This is a safe plan. The thought of straying from that path—thirty, being single, or childless—is paralyzing.
What if I don’t follow the script? What if I dared to be brave enough to leave a familiar zip code? What if I crave non-traditional roles and want to explore the world? Who would I be if I let my heart guide me instead of my fears?
Security is a common desire among people. We plan for financial security, choose safe neighborhoods, and follow a predictable path. As a coach, I see this pattern many times. Clients stay in marriages longer than they should because of fear of the unknown. They cling to toxic friends or jobs and worry about how their lives will change if they let them go.
This fear arises when people want to leave their industry or start their own business, worry that they are too old or lack the skills to succeed independently. So they live a quiet, safe life, trapped in a small glass box.
What if we were taught and supported early on to reach beyond our comfort zones? Make a brave decision? Even at the risk of failure, do you have to push yourself out? We can maintain a safety net where you are always welcome and safe while encouraging bold steps—getting out, going to school, traveling the world. I often wonder who I would be if I had learned this lesson earlier.
I follow a strict traditional plan. I went to a nearby university, graduated, got a job, met a man, got married, and had two children – a boy and a girl. My business flourished, I got a promotion, I bought a house, and built another house. I followed the rules and blended in.
But my marriage was not happy, and what was going on inside did not reflect what was going on outside. Divorce was not planned. There was no checkbox, so I stayed. It wasn’t until my husband said, “You’re not going to divorce me, handsome,” that I decided to drop that checkbox and give myself control over my life.
I distinctly remember sitting there with my heart racing so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of my chest. Did he call me a “capable man”? About our lives?
The thing is, he was trying to call my bluff. I told him I was unhappy that years of pain had finally caught up with us, but he knew, or at least he thought, that I would never leave. Because I followed the rules, he felt we could continue on the abusive path we had been on for ten years because I wouldn’t stray from the path of a good girl.
This time, I boldly made a change. I called a lawyer and started filing for divorce. This began a seven-year journey of trying to get back to my core. What do I want in life?
It’s only when I allow myself to step outside of my boundaries that I truly begin to live. I was afraid of what others would think, but how could I continue to live my life based on other people’s expectations instead of what I wanted for myself? I bravely filed for divorce.
This fear of judgment resurfaced when I thought about quitting my high-paying corporate sales job to start my own business.
I had just started working at a company a few months earlier, had gone through training, and knew it wouldn’t be a long-term fit. I hate corporate culture and the rule-making that goes with it. We are governed by rules made out of fear. I knew I couldn’t survive in this role. But it was scary to give up at the beginning, and I was worried about what other people would think.
I knew I wanted to do more, something more meaningful, something that had the potential to help other people. But it’s not on the list. Starting a business? Become a coach? What exactly is a coach? Will others make fun of me behind my back? This idea makes me want to play mini games.
I explored every possible way to succeed but didn’t share my plans with anyone who knew me. Again, there isn’t a checkbox. But I did it anyway.
Looking back, I realize that the smallness in my life hurt me. I got married before I was ready, stayed in a marriage longer than I should have, and worked in a corporate setting with chauvinistic men who I wouldn’t say I liked because that’s what I was supposed to do .
My house is beautiful, my Facebook photos look happy, and my salary has increased. By all external factors, I was successful. But these come at a price. Playing it safe limited me, limited my potential, and killed my dreams.
I learned that safety, while comforting, can also be dangerous. It prevents us from truly living, experiencing life to the fullest, and discovering who we are meant to be.
So, I urge you to jump. Be brave. Get out of your comfort zone. Embrace the unknown.
We all have a chance on this earth, but we need to proceed with caution. It would be a shame not to make your beautiful vision a reality. Security can protect us, but it can also hinder us.
Let go of fear and let your heart lead the way. You may stumble, you may stumble, but you may soar. In the end, you’ll find that the dangers of safety far outweigh the risks of living boldly.
About Molly Rubesh
Molly Rubesh is a life coach and author who helps women embrace their true power and live a heart-led life. After going through divorce, grief, and career changes, she now guides others to let go of their fears and follow their hearts. Get her free guide, 5 Ways to Survive Without a Safety Net, and start your journey to a braver, more fulfilling life.
