“You need one hour of self-maintenance every day. It can include reading, writing, yoga, exercise, dancing, meditation, painting or anything else, but you should be responsible for yourself. One hour, 1/24 of the day. That’s not To 5%. It matters, really. ~Sarah Brassard.
The alarm went off at 5:45 a.m. and she had been awake for half an hour, her mind racing with all the things she had to accomplish. Her son’s project is due today, her daughter has a good visit appointment, and her inbox is filled with urgent requests from work. She was tired but had no time to think about it.
She quietly got out of bed and walked to the kitchen, careful not to wake her husband. The house was silent, but her thoughts were already swirling—her own silent storm.
She started making coffee, opened her laptop, and immediately saw the email she’d been dreading. There’s another job crisis to deal with today. She checks her phone—texts from her mom asking for help with groceries, messages from her kids’ teachers about volunteering. She typed “Of course, I’ll take care of it” without thinking.
By 7:00 in the morning, the house was filled with noise. Her son is complaining about breakfast, her daughter can’t find her shoes, and the dog is barking. As the coffee went cold on the counter, she scrambled to get things working. “Mom, can you…” Voices came from all directions. Yes, she responds to every request, every request – yes, it’s like she’s on autopilot. Of course she will help. Of course she’ll take care of it.
On the car ride to school, she made a mental list: drop the kids off, go to the grocery store, squeeze in time for the dentist. Her hands were gripping the steering wheel a little too tightly. She turned on the radio to quell the growing panic.
When I’m at work, the days go by in a blur. She could barely concentrate in meetings and could only keep one eye on the clock drafting emails. Her stomach clenched every time her phone rang. The other person needs something. Yes, she typed, even though her neck was cramping with tension and even though a headache was starting to throb behind her eyes.
It was already 3:30 in the afternoon when she returned to the school pick-up line. Her phone vibrated again. Another work email, another urgent inquiry. Her heart sank. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Her head felt heavy, as if it was so full that it was about to overflow. She was scrolling through her phone when her son climbed into the back seat. “Mom, can we go to Rocco’s house? I promised him I would come.
“Yes, of course,” she said again.
Later when I got home, it was already time for dinner. Her husband is late for work, the kids are fighting, and she’s answering another email on her phone while she cooks dinner. Her chest felt tight, like she could barely hold it together, but she pushed through like always. She must always say yes. What would happen if she didn’t?
It’s 9pm now. The children have gone to bed. The room was quiet again. She sat on the sofa, opened her laptop, and stared at the screen. Another request. There is one more task to be done. She hovered her mouse over the keyboard, about to type another “yes,” but she hesitated. Her hands were shaking, her body begging for rest, but she had forgotten how to allow herself to rest.
Then it dawned on her: she was drowning. Not at work, not on assignment, but when her body, her mind, and her heart begged her to say no, she always said yes.
She felt the sting of tears. She had been running on empty for so long that she had forgotten what it felt like to be full. She spent so much time saying yes to other people that she never made space to say yes to herself.
Her breath caught in her throat as she leaned back, closing her eyes and letting the stress of the day sink in. Fatigue, resentment, and guilt have always been with her. In that moment, she realized: It doesn’t have to be this way.
She closed her laptop. She picked up her phone and texted her team: “I’ll work on it tomorrow, but I need some rest tonight.” Send.
Her hands were still shaking, but now there was a sense of relief. She walked upstairs, past the piles of clothes she hadn’t touched yet, past the emails waiting in her inbox. She peeked at the children, watching them sleep, feeling content but finally relieved. Then she did something she hadn’t done in years: showered herself.
For the first time in a long time, she said yes to herself.
She is me. Is this you too? Is it time for you to say yes to yourself?
About Jamie Vollmoeller (LCSW)
Jamie Vollmoeller, LCSW is a therapist, life coach, and mother of three who truly understands the demands of women juggling career, motherhood, and personal growth. As the founder of the Good Enough Community, Jamie provides a space for women to feel seen and supported. Her mission is to help you heal your inner child, break the cycle of intergenerational trauma, and reclaim your sense of self. You can learn more about her EMDR counseling practice here.
