I just dropped off a passenger – her name is Marielle.
When I picked her up, she got in the car and said she was going downtown. I casually mentioned that I lived downtown, near Walt Disney Concert Hall. She smiled and said, “That’s fire.” And just like that, she put on her headphones.
I am angry. Yes, I admit it. That stupid, bubbling anger started to rise. Why? Because I don’t feel safe.
My mind started spinning: How could she put her headphones on like I didn’t matter? Isn’t this rude? I found myself thinking she should give I pay attention, talk I–admit I. I mean, wasn’t I the one who drove her, offered her services, did her a favor? But then it hit me. No, I didn’t do her a favor. I’m doing my job.
Mariel didn’t do anything to hurt me. She wasn’t trying to snub me or make me feel small. She didn’t reject me at all. Do you know what she is doing? She puts herself first and is unapologetic. She just wants to rock out to the music and enjoy the ride on her own terms. She did what we should all do – take care of herself and not worry about what other people think.
This was a gut check moment for me. I felt exposed—my need for validation, my desire to be seen and recognized, all laid bare in one interaction. but why? Why do I care so much about this stranger not engaging with me?
The truth is, this isn’t about Marielle at all. This was about me, about the bottomless pit of needs I hadn’t fully acknowledged before. I relied on other people’s attention like a vampire, needing their smiles, laughter, and words to make me feel good. Without saying a word, Mariel held up a mirror for me to see.
Mariel’s Magic: The Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Marielle doesn’t care what I think, or at least it doesn’t look like she cares, and that’s what makes her so powerful. She lives her truth every moment. Maybe she had had a long day and just needed to relax. Maybe she’s lost in some existential daydream, pondering the meaning of life, or maybe she’s just tired and wants to listen to her favorite playlist. Whatever the reason, she didn’t owe me anything beyond basic “hello” and “goodbye” courtesy. Why did she do this?
Too often, I find myself stuck in a cycle of trying to please everyone around me. I was like a shapeshifter, bending myself into whatever shape I thought others wanted me to be. I tell myself that I am kind, considerate, and attentive. But really, it’s just fear—a desperate attempt to be liked, wanted, and seen. But Mariel? She didn’t play that game. She was the antidote to the people-pleasing poison I’d been sipping for years.
Mariel was a master of boundaries and I was a desperate student trying to graduate to her level. She wasn’t rude or dismissive. She is herself – no mask, no filter. I envy her for that. I envied her because she didn’t need to make small talk or placate me with some half-assed conversation. She was just being herself and I was left alone with my own insecurities.
self-esteem lesson
This is what I learned from Mariel: Putting yourself first is not selfish, it’s necessary. It’s about knowing your limits and respecting your needs enough to achieve them. It’s about having the courage to say, “This is what I need right now, and I’m not going to compromise to make you feel better.” It’s about being honest, not just with others, but with yourself.
The truth is, I wasn’t honest with myself. I’ve been doing my best to be a “nice person,” a “good listener,” a “friendly driver,” while secretly resenting those who didn’t reciprocate.
This is a game I’ve been playing for so long that I didn’t even realize I was playing it. But Mariel made me see that. She illuminated the dark corners of my neediness, my fear of rejection, my deep-seated belief that I wasn’t enough unless I had the approval of others.
Marielle doesn’t need my approval. She really didn’t need to validate me. She was in her own world, taking care of herself, and in doing so, she showed me the way. She taught me that it was okay to say, “This is what I need right now, and I’m going to accept it unapologetically.” She showed me that true self-esteem doesn’t come from letting others see your worth. It comes from seeing your own worth and not compromising it for anyone else.
Unapologetically Self-Care: The Mariel Method
So, this is for you, Mariel. Thank you for teaching me a lesson I didn’t know I needed. You taught me that self-care is more than bubble baths and meditation. It also has to have the courage to say, “No, I’m not participating right now because I need this time.” You showed me that it’s okay to be a little self-centered and a little cautious about your own energy. It’s not my job, or anyone’s job, to sacrifice your own feelings to take care of someone else’s.
We all get caught up in the idea that we have to be everything to everyone, that we have to be lovable, agreeable, and enjoyable. But what if we just… stopped? What if we took a leaf out of Marill’s book and decided to live life on our own terms, without explanation or apology? What if we gave ourselves the freedom to do whatever we wanted?
Mariel didn’t do anything special. She didn’t cure cancer or climb Mount Everest. She didn’t give some inspiring TED talk. All she did was put on her headphones and retreat from the world. But in this simple act, she gave me a gift. She allowed me to stop trying to be everything to everyone. Stop the show. Just exist.
The true hero’s journey
I think, to some extent, we are all seeking permission to be ourselves. We’re all waiting for someone to say, “It’s okay. You don’t have to be perfect. You don’t have to be everything to everyone. You just have to be yourself.”
But the truth is, that permission has to come from within. We must become our own gatekeepers, our own liberators. This is what Mariel showed me. She’s not looking for anyone’s approval. She didn’t wait for anyone to give her permission. She just took it.
This is what I want to do. I want to get that license and run it. I want to live unapologetically. I want to put myself first, not in a selfish way, but in a way that respects my needs and boundaries. I no longer need everyone to like me, approve of me, and make me feel valuable. Because the truth is, I am worth it. Just like me. No masks, no performances, no need for approval from others.
takeout
So, this is for you, Mariel. You, with your headphones and unapologetic self-care. You, probably have no idea that you are teaching me something profound. Thank you for showing me what it means to put yourself first, live authentically, and get your needs met in a world that asks us to give, give, give until there is nothing left. Thank you for reminding me that it’s okay to take up space, put yourself first, and just be.
About Akira McDonough-Nishimoto
Through his writings, Akira shares personal insights and reflections, drawing on moments of clarity and challenges that arise on the path of spiritual growth. He believes that awakening is not about reaching a final state of enlightenment, but rather about continually opening ourselves to the truth of who we are and learning to live in alignment with the flow of the universe. Blog: http://nakedbranch.com
