“Sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is to walk away from things that no longer serve your growth or happiness.” ~Unknown
I have always been a very independent and adventurous person, so no one was surprised when I left my small town in Ontario, Canada after high school to work as a nanny in Spain.
It’s a whole new world of old streets, delicious food and friendly people. I knew I made the right choice to leave the place where I grew up and go on an adventure.
I am a person with itchy feet. It is difficult to stay in one place for a long time. Over the past twelve years, I have lived all over the world, from Spain to Calgary, Alberta, and most recently, Vancouver, British Columbia.
The town where I grew up was known for its harsh winters, quiet neighborhoods, and “not much to do.” So, naturally, I spent my twenties wanting to live somewhere as different as possible from the boring town I grew up in.
When I first visited the West Coast, I thought: why do people live anywhere else in the country but here? The mountains, the ocean, the active lifestyle, the endless options for outdoor adventure…I fell in love with it and ended up living my life as a west coast girl for almost ten years.
During this time, I earned a college degree and soon after, landed a job at a tech company where I earned a salary I didn’t think was possible.
At first, this job was a positive feature in my life: I learned various skills that I had not had the chance to develop before. I got promoted and was eventually put in a position to lead a team, which is something I ended up really enjoying. But as time went on, I started noticing little things that made me question whether I was truly happy.
I remember a conversation I had with a close friend about a year and a half into my career, in which I expressed a strong dissatisfaction with my job. My friend, who is a smart woman, immediately confirmed my concerns and gave her opinion that I really should quit this job.
I remember thinking how short-sighted she was. Doesn’t she realize that if I quit, I won’t get the salary? I have bills to pay and people on my team who need me.
Fast forward; another year has passed and things have gotten worse. I was working ten hours a day straight and I started having stomach pains and started getting migraines. My weekend was bogged down by the chaos I had to get back to on Monday morning.
My friends and family continued to complain that the job was not constructive for me and let me know that I was no longer the “easy” person I once was. My mother especially didn’t like that I stopped writing or doing anything creative because my energy was being sucked away by this job.
Due to the nature of this big decision, after many sleepless nights, I finally decided to take action. Now, if anyone is reading this and is in a similar situation, I want to share how difficult this decision was for me.
I couldn’t hear back from my family and friends so I quit my job immediately. No, there were months in between where I would be erratic. I think leaving a job is the same as leaving a relationship – only you know when you’re truly ready.
Quitting this job was one of the hardest things I have done in recent years. I spent countless days and nights weighing the pros and cons of my decision and thinking about the team members involved. Who am I putting in trouble? Can the company replace me? Will I upset my team members, my boss, my CEO? Am I a failure in quitting smoking? Does this burnout reflect my worth as a worker, as a human being?
When I finally handed in my resignation, I was surprised to find that no one really cared about me. I thought I would definitely hear from the people I worked with after I left, but it’s been months now and I haven’t heard from anyone.
I stayed in close contact with my mother during this decision-making process. She was an amazing woman who lived alone in a quaint, lovely house in the small Ontario town where we came from. This is a town I’ve dreamed of leaving for years. So when she heard that I was considering quitting my job and suggested that I move back in with her, I was naturally angry that she had even broached the idea.
Move back in with mom? What will everyone think of me? Thirty-one years old, unemployed, living at home?
But over time, to everyone’s surprise, especially myself, I became interested in the idea. The past fourteen years of living alone in a big city, working a hard job, and providing everything for myself were all catching up with me. I’m tired and lonely.
So this past March, I packed up my apartment in beautiful North Vancouver, packed what I could into my Toyota Corolla (including my border collie mix Rex), and drove across the country, Back to small town Ontario.
Returning to my hometown is strange in many ways. There is definitely less to do here compared to big cities in Canada. Instead of spending my weekends with friends, I usually spend them with my mom’s friends or siblings. Instead of hiking an epic, world-famous mountain, I walked along the trails of the street where we lived. It was a quiet life, very different from the one I left behind.
But at thirty-one, after the past decade of living independently and the last few years of this grueling job, I welcomed a quieter life with open arms.
I gave up long days and late nights working remotely, feeling stressed and isolated, and instead slept in with my dog in the morning and went for a walk in the forest, not looking at my watch because I needed to make sure I was back for the 1pm session Meeting
Now, instead of trying to find time in the day to eat, I cook great dinners to share with family and friends. I now get a hug from my mom every morning instead of just once a year at Christmas.
We’ve all heard the cliches, like life is short, time with family is priceless, money isn’t everything, and so on.
We know that there are no promises for any of us during our time on this earth. I didn’t want to spend another ten years at thirty-one, working in a lonely apartment, devoting my energy to a company that didn’t care about me.
While this decision is difficult, especially in the current economy, I will say that when you free your mind from the mental gymnastics of a toxic job and the decision-making of whether or not you should leave it, you will It’s amazing to find how many doors open.
My life looks different now: I’ve started writing again (see, you’re reading one of my articles now), I’ve started a master’s program, I plan to become a fitness instructor, which I’ve always wanted to do but never could time.
Of course, there are unknowns in my life and I don’t know if I will live in this town forever. But for now, it gives me precious time with my mother and family, a place to rest and recover from years of stressful work, and a chance to start some new projects that make me feel like I am “I”.
If you’re in a similar predicament, and if you’re lucky enough to have some of the same privileges that I do, I suggest you give yourself a break. This doesn’t necessarily mean moving back in with your parents. This may also mean relying on your partner for a while, if you can. Or tap into a little savings (if you have any) to give yourself time to focus on what’s really important and figure out what to do next.
Family, health, and happiness should always take precedence over hard work in a company, society’s expectations of you, or any money. I hope this serves as a reminder.
About Rachel Laura White
Rachel White is a writer from small-town Canada. She enjoys creating comics, writing poetry, novels and non-fiction. She enjoys the simple things in life like meeting new dogs, drinking hot tea, and traveling to the mountains. You can follow her on Instagram @rach_4ever to keep up with her adventures and stay informed about future publications.
