“We often stop our blessings because we feel that we are born not good enough, smart enough, beautiful enough or enough. But you deserve a little because you are born, and because you are here. You live to make your birthright have Value. You’re enough by yourself.” ~ Oprah Winfrey
When I was a little girl, I loved to do cute sketches at school and give them to friends and family. I would pour my heart on them and eventually, I hurried home, everyone was excited about my precious work. I’m such a happy child! Always running up and down the street, noticed the weird details on the road, and picked flowers and took them home.
This is my mother’s painting. When I got home, I stood beside her, my eyes full of anticipation, just looking at her with disdain. She sternly criticized what she thought was seriously painted on paper and threw it into the trash can. I looked at her, shocked and injured, as she said, “What do you want me to say, this painting is beautiful? No.”
I wish I could say this was the first time I had an interaction like this, but the reality is that it happened time and time again. So much so that I gave it a name: “Insufficient notes about myself.”
These are moments when something happens, causing you to start questioning your value and then start internalizing you to some extent exist No matter what you do, it is never enough. If you have some similar moments in your life, it may not make the scar so deep, but when notes pile up, you start to make a difference in who you are.
You shrink from pure and true to the mold that you expect from pure, even though the mold changes and becomes increasingly demanding every time. You realize you deserve to be damned, if you do it, but if you don’t, you deserve to be damned, there is no right tool to get rid of the puzzle, you feel like you have no choice but to keep going, hope someone sees you and tells You are enough.
That’s what happened to me.
Too many incidents, people and situations told me that I was not enough. I believe it. So, most of my life I have tried to prove myself.
I’m trying to be the best thing about everything, no room for error, because maybe if I’m perfect, I’ll finally be enough. But no matter how hard I try, the goal posts keep moving.
Then, after years of past trauma, I heard the voice inside me and said, “In the eyes of the universe, you are enough.” Then clickIt doesn’t matter what the world says, I’m enough, so there’s no need to prove this! I’ve always been.
I hope I can tell you that I accepted the idea immediately. But by then, I had been trying to prove myself all my life, hiding behind the facade of perfectionism, and getting stuck in trouble with anxiety and the need to please others, so without all the attempts and all the attempts, I suddenly didn’t easily hide it.
I have to reflect deeply and “do” the work to align my mind, body and soul with this newly discovered truth. It was such a wonderful journey of self-love and acceptance, and I can’t wait to share it with you so that you can also realize that you are enough and always be, and free to enjoy your happiness knowing. And achieve your goals and craziest dreams in the process without “impossible records of yourself” preventing your life.
Ready?
The first step I took was to think deeply to find all the “enough notes on myself” I have repeated over the years. I looked back and showed moments that made me believe I wasn’t enough. I have a lot, new ones appear every now and then, but I smile softly at them, like the friendship is over when you meet an old friend who still cares about. There is no hatred, only love in the distance.
In thinking about these moments, I began to grasp the reasons why I felt so worthless. While you may know why not enough feelings bother you, seeing these moments reflected on paper or flying through your mind during meditation can make your inner click. You’re just Get it.
I did it. But it’s one thing to get, and dismantling for years, decades of unnecessary is another. Here is the second step to get into chat: change the belief that you don’t have enough.
Convincing myself that I am loving enough to remind myself of myself as a reproductive right and to show it through action, as if I was raising my inner child and eliminating the parenting I received as a little girl. For this I used daily affirmation and meditation and now I will sit there.
This allows me to constantly return to the truth of who I am and who I am: a loving and lovely person who doesn’t need perfection.
I started asking powerful questions and practicing self-love. Please note that I didn’t say, “I started to love myself.” At that time, I didn’t know what to do, so I started practicing. I would ask myself what would happen if I loved myself. If I knew I was enough, who would I be? How do I perform?
This transformation changed life, which naturally took me to the final step of the next journey: looking at my surroundings and reevaluating my relationships. As I started to treat myself with more love and respect, I inevitably began to notice how others treated me through different lenses.
As one should expect, when you believe you are not enough, you will tolerate certain situations and behaviors that are harmful to your health and well-being. There is little room for embracing your enough stuff.
So I went through painful reassessment, changing and even ending some unhealthy relationships. But in the process, I ended up creating space for a real, loving and respectful relationship that made me feel safe, worthy and sufficient.
My list of “Notes on Self-Inadequacy” is getting smaller and smaller. And, my life expanded in a way I never thought I would. But let’s be a reality: it’s a journey of a lifetime, which is why there’s no definite final step, just a powerful lasting step.
The beauty of this process is that you can revisit it again and again to reconnect with the undeniable fact that you are enough and create the beautiful life you deserve. One thing I can tell you with certainty: it’s easier and more natural every time.
Remember, you’re enough because you’ve always been like this. It’s time to start walking and talking like this!
About Erika Sardinha
Erika Sardinha is an authorized coach for the Canary Islands survivors. She helped survivors regain their tender rights and succeed in a friendly way, respecting themselves and their journey. She provides private and group coaching for people who have experienced trauma, while providing a variety of free resources to the community. Check out Erika’s thriving survivors of the free community: a happy survivor tribe and grab her innocent self-care guide to trauma and abuse survivors (also free)!
