“Sometimes, letting go is the ultimate act of love, whether it is the other person and yourself or to others.” ~ Unknown
I never imagined that I discovered that the same classroom of love would be the first chapter of a story about letting go.
Ten years ago, as an undergraduate student full of dreams and certainty, I met him. We were classmates first, then friends, and finally lovers who thought we had found such a young game to conquer the dating game.
During our college days, our bonds seemed unshakable. We even chose to intern in the same city, not wanting to be separated from us. I remember the small apartment we encountered after a long working day, sharing instant noodles and big dreams. We believe we are building our future together, sharing experiences at once.
But as graduation approaches, these dreams begin to take concrete shapes, and hairline cracks begin to appear on our foundation. When I envisioned building a family in twenty-seven, seeing myself hosting Sunday dinners and creating a warm home, he focused on making his mark in his career. Every conversation about the future seems to take us in the opposite direction.
These differences erupt into arguments that have been extending for two years. Each battle makes us more deeply rooted and cannot find a middle ground. The love of each other’s goals has become a tug of war between two different paths of life. We have been trying to bend down each other’s vision for the future until we finally realize that we can’t compromise some dreams without destroying the dreamer.
In 2022, after ten years of love, memories and sharing history, our relationship is over. The future I spent ten years imagining disappeared overnight. Every plan, every dream, every “one day” we talk about is gone, making me feel free to hang freely in space without restraint.
The first year after the breakup was the toughest challenge I faced. I was knocked down by bronchitis, and the thought of giving up troubles me in those dark physical and emotionally painful nights. Why should I continue when I build my entire adult life’s future collapses?
But in those deepest moments of despair, a quiet voice inside me asked, “Why should I give up on my life of rejection? Why can’t others choose me to be sure of my worth?”
That was my turning point. I realized that through the idea of giving up through entertainment, I rejected myself more cruelly than anyone else. The end of a romantic relationship, or even a decade of love, does not have to mean the end of my story.
Here is what I know about the survival of future deaths that you think are certain:
1. Your plan changes do not mean you fail. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is to admit that two good people can want different things, it doesn’t matter.
2. The length of a relationship does not determine its success. There is no wasted decade – they are full of growth, love and lessons learned that shape who I am today.
3. Physical illness and emotional pain often go hand in hand. When your heart recovers, taking care of your body becomes crucial.
4. The future you imagine is not the only future. When a door closes, this doesn’t mean you’re trapped, it means you’re redirected to a path you haven’t imagined yet.
5. Choosing life is a courage. Every morning, you wake up and face the day, you choose to believe in the possibility of past pain.
It took me a whole year to finally accept the future I would never have planned. But while accepting this loss, I discovered something unexpected – freedom. Freely reimagine my life without damaging my core desires. Freedom to discover who I am, the relationships that define my entire adult life.
Now, looking back, I know that the end of our relationship is not just about losing someone I love. It’s about discovering yourself. In choosing life, moving forward, accepting the end of one dream as the beginning of another, I discovered powers that I had never known.
For anyone reading this heartbreaking article, question whether they will feel complete again: You will. Not in the same way – you will never be like before this loss. But you will be stronger, wiser, and more authentic than ever before. The future you imagine may disappear, but the future you create may be better than anything you plan to do.
Choose life. Choose yourself. Choosing to believe that the ending relationship is not a failed relationship, but just a full chapter in the story you are working on.
About Kalyani Abhyankar
Kalyani Abhyankar is a professor of Law and Mindset Coach, specializing in administrative law and consumer protection. She is passionate about helping others develop unlimited mentality and personal growth by working on LinkedIn and beyond.
