The deepest personal growth happens when we stop suffering and start listening to what it tries to teach us.
For years, I haven’t recognized that woman staring at me in the mirror.
Her body felt strange–she could not lose her weight, the flashing flashes that caught her skin on fire, exhausted so deeply, and felt like her soul was shattering. Her thoughts once keen and confident, now full of doubt, anxiety and brain fog that she could barely think.
But the hardest part?
She doesn’t just feel different. She felt invisible.
I am that woman.
pharmacist. Mother. wife. A woman who has spent decades helping others through her own health only to find herself drowning. I was in my forties and stared at the fenced buckets, but I didn’t know at the time. All I know is that my body is breaking down, my emotions are spreading, and no one (even my doctor) can tell me why.
So, like any overwhelmed, desperate woman, I did what I thought I should do.
I went to see a doctor.
And, like many women before me, I left some prescriptions and did nothing except masking my symptoms and a vague, disdainful diagnosis:
“You’re getting older. Normal. You’ll be fine.”
But I’m not good. And I know it’s more than “aging”.
That was the moment I realized: if I wanted the answers, I would have to find them myself.
I believe my lies after breaking up
It took me years to learn my teaching on women’s health.
After all, I am a pharmacist. I’ve been distributing drugs throughout my career, trusting the guidelines, thinking that if there is a problem, that would be a solution.
But what I never learned in pharmacy school is how to really heal.
This recovery is not in a prescription bottle. It’s not about “passing” or “absorbing it”.
It’s about listening to your body rather than fighting it.
That means I have to start seeing my body, not letting me fail, but something that tries to talk to me.
Weight gain? That’s my body said, “Something is wrong. Notice. ”
Hot flashing? “Your hormones are transferring. Don’t ignore me. ”
Anxiety and depression? “Your body is in survival mode. Let’s figure out why. ”
This is the first time in my life, I stop fighting myself.
I began to learn functional medicine, hormonal balance, and complex ways of getting older. I found that perimenopause is not only the “start of the end point” but a crucial transition that, if properly supported, may actually lead to my healthiest and most dynamic years.
I realize that hormones dominate everything and when they lose balance, nothing can act the way they should be.
But not only that, I began to see how deep my self-worth is with my body.
I thought if I gained weight, my value would be less valuable.
I thought if I struggled, I was weak.
I thought I was failing if I didn’t figure it out.
I had to break down these beliefs.
The most difficult (and most important) lesson
The hardest part of my recovery journey is not changing my diet, adjusting my lifestyle, or even balancing my hormones.
It is learning to fall in love with the girl in the mirror again.
Not only when she looks “good”.
It wasn’t just her feeling confident.
It wasn’t just her wearing her favorite jeans.
But when she struggled.
When she was exhausted.
When she was swollen, ruptured and cried on the bathroom floor because she felt like she was losing herself.
Because the truth is, recovery does not start with a diet plan or a hormone regimen. Recovery begins when you decide you deserve to feel better. This means learning to love yourself, even when you don’t feel cute.
Even if your body is changing.
Even if your energy goes away.
Even if your reflection doesn’t match your inner feelings.
Because you didn’t break it.
And menopause? Fence? A hormonal roller coaster that makes you feel like you are losing your mind?
This is not the end of you.
This is the beginning of your new version. A wiser, bolder, stronger you. A version that won’t narrow down itself for others. A version that won’t last itself. A version that knows she is still powerful, radiant and worthwhile at any age.
When you finally meet her – really meet her – you will never let her go again.
If you are struggling now, read this
If you sit in the car after a doctor’s date, they refute your symptoms…
If you stare at your reflection, it feels like a stranger on your own skin…
If you are exhausted and overwhelmed, wonder if you will feel like you again…
When I say:
There is hope. You’re not crazy. You’re not imagining things. Your body is talking to you, and now it’s time to start listening.
Conduct research.
Ask a tough question.
Perform the correct test.
Eat food for you.
Move your body in a way that brings you joy.
But most importantly, love yourself through it.
Because this is not the end.
This is just the beginning.
Dear, you have just started.
This is how I started learning to love girls in the mirror.
About Melinda Fowler
PharmD Melinda Fowler is a pharmacist and hormone expert with more than 30 years of experience. She blends drug knowledge with functional medicine to help women navigate perimenopause through scientifically supported solutions. She is a certified health coach and a member of the American Anti-Aging Health Practitioner Committee, and she is Hormone pharmacistand the author Learn to love the girl in the mirror. Learn more at hormonepharmacist.com or get her book here.
