“I will sit by you in the dark when you can’t see the bright side.” ~ Unknown
There are moments in life that let pain feel exhausted – when pain lingers, reshapes us and forces us to face certain parts of ourselves, we have avoided part of ourselves. Recently, I found myself in one of them.
I was overwhelmed, exposed and isolated, trying to make my emotions feel heavy. In that space, I wrote a message to a close friend- someone standing by my side in my highs and lows, but I now realize that I don’t always show up the way they deserve it.
It’s more than just a letter. It’s a recognition of the weight we carry, the way we recover, and the importance of keeping space for those we love.
This reminds people that pain does not need to be rushed, and recovery is not about repair, but about remembering that we are never broken. Most importantly, it’s a promise to my friends, to myself and anyone who has ever been unable to see – we will never be truly alone.
This is my news…
You know, all I’ve done in the past few days is sleeping, thinking, crying and listening to music. I haven’t left the house unless I go to work, and even then, I feel like I’m just doing the moves.
I’ve been making myself feel everything – choosing to sit there – although it’s scary. It feels deep and primitive, and sometimes it takes me to such a heavy place, and I wonder if I will find a way out. But strangely, in all the darkness, it feels like something inside me is falling off and peeling off. It’s painful, but at the same time, it’s healing. Even if you can’t feel it at this moment, this is the pain of growth.
I know this may sound heavy or even overwhelming, but something triggers this – for me it has something to do with an old, deep-rooted wound – which forces me to sit in a long time with emotions. My influence on myself is hard to explain, but I feel that life has changed in life and in my heart.
Here’s what I realized: pain doesn’t need to be rushed. Rehabilitation does not require rush.
Sometimes, even in the messy and difficult times, we just need to get ourselves into our feelings. What I learned is that we can provide space for our grief without letting it define us. By sitting without running away, we have the opportunity to teach us something about who we are, where we have been and where we are.
I know it’s not healthy to sit in it for too long. But, empowering you with emotions that allow yourself to feel the power of your feelings without judgment. It is an act of love and compassion for yourself, reminding you that your pain is effective, your journey is effective, and that you are effective.
Not delving into the whole story yet – I promise I’ll share it with you when the time feels right – I hope you know I’m meeting you. Thank you for your patience with me, I need you to know my love for you.
I know this is not easy for you. There have been many moments that have felt overwhelming for some time, many wounds have been reopened and re-triggered.
If I could go back, I would show up every moment with your feelings. I will make sure you never feel ashamed of your way. I won’t try to fix it, but I’ll sit with you in uncomfortable situations and remind you that even in the toughest moments, your emotions are not a burden and you deserve love.
I now see how important it is to let someone feel their feelings and take up space for them without judgment or pressure. I wish I could do it for you every time. But what I can do now is show you, move forward, not everyone will let you down. Not everyone will leave.
I love you very deeply. I see you. I see all of you–your strength, softness, beauty, even in the toughest moments. I need you to know, no doubt, that you are loved. You are totally enough like you, I am here to serve you. always.
I invite you to continue to share your feelings with me. I will take up space for you in the way I should and remind you every day that you are loved and seen. You don’t have to carry anything alone, and you don’t have to rush to “good”.
Take your time. Rehabilitation is not about repairing yourself, but about remembering that you have never been broken. To gain insights – it is a sign of your humanity, courage and ability to love. Stay gentle to yourself. Compassion is not only what you give to others, but what you deserve, especially yourself.
No matter how heavy life is, you are not alone, and recovery is not linear.
I’m here, and when you show up yourself, I’ll show up for you all the time.
I love you.
About Mirsada Asipi
Mirsada Asipi lives in Iowa and was born to refugee parents. Their silent struggle made her shape her. She carries the rest of her life – mom and them. The diary becomes a place where she can be completely honest, a way to deal with pain, truth, and tenderness in between. Like most of what she wrote, this message is for anyone who has never seen it. You’re not too many. you are not alone. You are and have always been worth it.
