“We can’t solve our problem by the same idea that we used when creating them. ” ~Albert Einstein
For a long time, I have lived under the fantasy of me solving the problem between me and desire.
Whether it is love, success or the life I dreamt about, I think I am taking the necessary steps to create what I want. But what I’m really doing (not realizing it) is to keep these things forever.
I tried to create some difficult childhood conditions from the same conditions I adopted, and all it did was strengthening my self-concept with which I walked away (low self-worth, feeling “illusory” and inferior) and created more environments that reflected this self-concept to me.
This happens throughout the situation.
In the early days of my business, I would fall everything Create an offer – Course, a program, I believe it.
I will work tirelessly, build a sales page, send an email, if the response is not immediately, if people don’t sign up right away, I won’t send another email (or ten) or view the data and refine it accordingly.
On the contrary, I think there is something wrong I. I need to be better, work hard, explain myself more, train more, throw it all away and start over.
What am I no Seeing is the most basic thing every successful entrepreneur knows: sales take time, and people need multiple touch points before buying.
I can’t see it. So I would give up the boat too early and put the money on the table, trapping myself in a cycle of proof, perfection and starting from scratch. This lasted for several years.
The same pattern has shaped my love life in my twenties.
I want deep, healthy, sincere love, not anything, but…
I tend to be emotionally unavailable and reflect early life relationships that affirmed my low self-worth.
When a relationship kills me, when they don’t commit or disagree, withhold or dismiss, I don’t think of it: “Well, maybe they don’t fit the deep, healthy, real love I want, and it’s time to make it all look for what I want.”
On the contrary, I think it must be me.
I’m sure I’m better – cuter, cooler, thinner, more normal, less, damaged, more consistent with their needs, beliefs and opinions.
But they didn’t. I would have a strong feeling that I wasn’t enough, the problem was me, not the kind of man I was choosing. This attracted me to the men who reflected it to me.
This is an unconscious feedback loop.
The same thing happened to one of my biggest life decisions, namely Tuscany.
For years, I knew I wanted this life. I portrayed myself in the Italian countryside, creating a life related to nature. But I kept telling myself that I wasn’t ready. I’m not accomplishing enough. I allow myself when I somehow “good enough” to do what I know I want to do.
But this time I interrupted my mode.
I asked myself,”If I no longer try to make myself good enough‘S is already in my mind, is it just taking steps to achieve this? ”
I lived on the top of Tuscany for two and a half years.
At that moment, I showed me some big things:
Tell you the conditions to continue to fix, which tells you anything‘s can’t boil down to your deficit the way you want it, it’s caused by the deep harm of childhood, something that makes your desires untouchable.
The problem is not you. When you think of your problem, you focus on fixing yourself, which deprives you of the ability to solve real-life problems and create a life, love, friendship, business and bank account that you already deserve.
I hadn’t really found the right business strategy at that time – I’m Try to make yourself good enough Hopefully my business can do this for me. No.
I’m not really building healthy relationships – I’m Try to be chosen by a man who cannot be truly close. Never lasted for a few years.
I don’t really want life – I’m Trying to be the kind of person I believe “worth”.
In fact, none of this brought me forward. It was just a feedback loop that got me into the same cycle.
But everything changed when I began to separate my present desire from my emotional luggage and the twists of my past. Life starts to happen, not me waiting for permission to make it happen. Do you know what I mean?
If you find yourself spiraling spirals in your feedback loop, I invite you to ask yourself:
- Am I treating all the frustration as proof of my inadequacy, rather than as data and feedback, letting me know what I need to adjust to get where I want it?
- For someone who simply can’t give me what I want, do I want to be “better”?
- Am I waiting for the feeling “good enough” before I can get myself there?
because The problem is never you. And, the moment you no longer try to fix yourself for what you want and start taking steps to ask for it, you end up seeing how much you can always use.
About Mel Wilder
Melanie is a coach whose job is to tear down hidden conditions that have left women in trouble, helping them build thriving businesses that are both successful and consistent. From decades of personal and professional exploration, she has developed a transformative approach that applies the principles of personal healing and self-discovery to the entrepreneur’s journey. Visit her at thebodycure.net.
