Elena Sledge tells Kara Mayer Robinson
I have been living with depression for almost 12 years. I am now 31 years old and discovered when I was 19 that I had severe depression.
My freshman year of college was miserable, but I really had no idea what was wrong. I saw a therapist, and the next summer I was diagnosed with major depression. Looking back, I realize that I was also depressed in high school.
Coming to terms with my diagnosis has been a process. I have a hard time understanding why I feel depressed and where it comes from. In my mind, I had not experienced anything that would qualify me as suffering from major depression.
Therapy can help. My therapist normalized and validated my experience. One time she told me, “You’re depressed because you’re depressed.” That’s something I’ve never forgotten.
I realized I needed to accept my diagnosis and take steps to help.
Managing symptoms
I’ve been in therapy pretty consistently for years. This helps me the most.
I also took various medications. When I was first diagnosed, I took an SSRI (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor) for about 2 years. The effects gradually wore off, but initially it helped me a lot.
I tried other medications in the short term, such as other SSRIs and SNRIs (serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors). They helped me when I needed them. I’m 100% in favor of mental health medication, but it’s not what I need right now. If things change, I might try again.
I also made a lot of lifestyle changes. I started working with a personal trainer two years ago because I was barely active. I feel stronger and more energetic. I still work with the same coach 4 days a week.
Through exercise, I try to take care of my body in a way that feels good to me. I also make a point of getting enough sleep. I hardly drink. I focus on keeping a routine and taking care of my mental health.
Support from friends and family
I am very lucky to have the support that I have been given. I do a lot of things to maintain close relationships because relationships are so important to me.
My husband is great but also suffers from depression. Many of my friends and family have experienced depression or other mental health issues, so they have a lot of understanding.
It helps to have someone who listens, cares, and takes the time to talk to you about what’s going on. The social support is huge. I believe relationships are important for growth and recovery.
Manage triggers
I don’t consistently experience depressive episodes now, but I find them easy to fall into. It’s funny because my brain really knows how to feel depressed. In a way, it’s so familiar and comfortable.
Sometimes I struggle with being a loser. It comes up most often in relation to my job. I am a mental health counselor. Having a private practice and trying to help others can be overwhelming at times and trigger depressive thoughts and symptoms.
I have to do a lot to manage my thoughts and not start shaming myself. To release my emotions, I write them down or talk them out to someone. I also reframe my thoughts to more compassionate ones, such as “I am enough,” “I’m working on it,” or “It won’t be like this forever.”
I still get stuck sometimes when too much is going on. My main trigger is being overwhelmed by personal events and world events. World events over the past two years have certainly had an impact. It’s easy for anyone to feel hopeless and hopeless these days.
I know my triggers and try to be proactive. I do best when I get enough sleep, stay active, manage my schedule effectively, and show compassion. Melancholy loves to cling to doubt. Thoughts like “you’re a failure” or “you’ll never get better” can quickly develop.
my biggest obstacle
My biggest struggle was in my early twenties and early twenties when I was suicidal. Many times I felt out of control and didn’t know if I was keeping myself safe. My symptoms were severe and I needed more support. I feel like therapy saved my life. Medication is also important. I later overcame it, but the negative suicidal thoughts still occurred.
going through ups and downs
In my early 20s, my ups and downs were much more intense and severe. The rollercoaster is still difficult, but I do experience more peace at this point in my life.
When I feel great, I feel great. Sometimes I feel okay.
To cope with the ups and downs, I relied on things I knew would help me, like going to therapy, getting support from friends and my husband, and staying active.
what i know now
The most important thing I’ve learned is that I am not my depression. It’s something I experience and live, but it’s not me.
Depression has helped me grow and expand in ways I might not have otherwise. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, and if I had the choice, I wouldn’t choose it for myself. But it was the hand I was dealt, and seeing how it shaped me, there was nothing wrong with that.
It makes me more compassionate. It inspired me to become a therapist with a powerful therapist I once had. It makes me support others.
I used to resent my depression, but not anymore. As bad as it was over the years, it was a big part of my life and helped me in many ways.
