Bianca Palmisano tells Hope Cristol
I often talk with friends and in the workplace about what being disabled means to me. So talking about depression is very common.
I do have a physical disability: Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder. This means some of my joints are curving beyond their normal range of motion, and I suffer from chronic pain. But I also consider my mental illness—major depressive disorder (MDD)—to be a disability, and I talk about it as such.
I think solidarity with this community is important. When we stand together, we support each other and better advocate for disability rights.
depression at work
I don’t think you should hide depression at work. This is nothing to be ashamed of, and it’s protected by the Americans with Disabilities Act, which gives you the right to request certain accommodations. But I understand why some people are not as open as I am. Unfortunately, for once, speaking openly about my depression didn’t go well.
My job was really tiring and some tense work relationships were starting to give me panic attacks. When I asked to work from home two days a week just to give myself space to get work done and get away from those stresses, I found the bar to prove my need was high.
My therapist wrote a letter, but it wasn’t enough. I had to provide a doctor’s note but had nowhere to go; at the time, I was not taking medication for depression.
My request was denied and a few weeks later I was fired for different reasons.
Having a job that is a good fit with your support team can make all the difference. I had recently become a forensic nurse and one day my boss asked me if I could work the night shift.
Sleep is an important need for me to function properly. I can’t work the night shift. I also have trouble getting up early. These are physical issues, not lifestyle preferences. Fatigue and difficulty waking up in the morning are classic symptoms of major depression.
I said, “I’m happy to do this, but I won’t be able to work the next day because of my depression and chronic fatigue.” My boss was cool with that.
Break the concept of “taboo”
Talking about depression in a social setting never feels like a disclosure. It was always just part of the conversation. My friends and I talk about our feelings, our good days and bad days, and my depression says it all. I think it helps that a lot of my friends also suffer from mental illness or are disabled in some way. There is already a certain understanding.
But I also talk about my depression a lot on social media. One of the main reasons is to help normalize it, especially for those who live in simple, standard patterns.
mine does not have. I identify as non-binary and queer, so I shouldn’t fit into that particular mold. For those who suffer from depression, I want them to know that I am someone they can feel safe talking to if they are struggling with depression. I want them to know that depression is not a bad thing.
My job also involves talking about many “taboo” topics and helping others feel comfortable talking about them. [In addition to being a registered nurse,] I am a health educator and owner of Intimate Health Consulting. We train healthcare professionals and organizations to understand and address sexual health issues that require special care, such as LGBT issues, sexual function issues, and survivors of sexual assault. A lot of times I talk about things that make some people uncomfortable, but we need to talk about them.
I’m privileged, so I pass it on
I’m so grateful to live where I live and have the community that I have. I think that’s a big part of what gives me strength and resilience.
Sometimes I do get nervous about sharing my diagnosis with new people or reaching out when I need help. Being vulnerable can be scary. But I remind myself that I deserve the same tenderness and care that I extend to others. I couldn’t receive this information unless I opened up and asked for help.
My appearance is another important factor in being able to talk about these topics. I’m white, 5’3″, have a baby face and the privilege of being slim. My body is not seen as intimidating, so my differences are not that dangerous. The risks for me coming out are different than if I were a person of color, overweight, or marginalized in different ways. For example, for some people of color, the risk of identifying with and being open about mental illness is greater. I can label myself a lot of things that they can’t.
Anyway, labels don’t matter. As a friend and a nurse, I believe you can call yourself whatever you want. I just want to make sure you get the care you need. I want to make sure you are okay, that you are safe, and that you are living your best life. I think people identify with that, whether there’s a label or not.
These may be words a person needs to hear in order to get professional support, or to stay on medication, or to find better, less toxic support structures—perhaps exercise, religion, friends. Outside of the traditional medical system, people can get mental health care in many different ways. I hope this approach, a look at mental health and depression, will resonate with the people I talk to.
