“Tried once, failed once, that’s okay. Try again, fail again, fail better. ~Samuel Beckett
I was so relieved when I discovered he was a mess! I’m talking about one of the most respected Buddhist monks of our time.I learned this from a short autobiography A Mountain in Tibet: A Monk’s Journey. The author of the book is Yeshe Losar Rinpoche, the current abbot of the Kagyu Samye Ling Tibetan Buddhist Monastery in Scotland (UK).
After escaping his war-torn homeland (Tibet) and experiencing many other traumas, he found himself in the West, fully immersed in the sex-drug rock culture of the 1960s. “Selfish and full of pride”, “surly and miserable”, this is how Jesche Lozal Liponche describes himself as a young man in the book. Although he had been raised in and surrounded by Buddhist culture his entire life, he did not abandon this lifestyle until his thirties.
I have also recently gone through a period of being “selfish, proud”, “surly and miserable”. I was overworked, stressed, short-tempered, judgmental, critical, disappointed in myself, and constantly blaming others. Zero daily practice takes me through inner and outer chaos.
Why does this still happen to me? After years of pursuing a different lifestyle. After years of trying to find a life free from craving, aversion and common human madness. Why do I have to go through this never-ending cycle of feeling more mature and calm, and then hitting rock bottom when my mind becomes as unruly as any random person who has never been exposed to any dharma?
This autobiography is a timely gift. It reminds me that I am not alone.
All of us, each one of us, are walking the same path. With its “ups and downs”. This whole thing is called life. Ram Dass says the goal of always being mentally “high” is not only unrealistic. It is a form of spiritual materialism. I became a consumer who only wanted this thing (noble and sacred) and would lose my temper every time I didn’t get it. The more you resist, the worse things will get.
Ram Dass shares the funniest and most uplifting story of enjoying (?!) a sexual fantasy for seven hours while pretending to be in deep meditation. Or watching television twelve hours a day for the first nine days of his thirty-day retreat. While it is interesting to listen to Ram Dass’s confession, one can feel how painful it would be for Ram Dass to see himself commit such an act.
His advice? Just keep observing, but do it with compassion. This too shall pass.
Even if I didn’t learn much along the way, I think I figured this thing out. It’s not about making each day more holy and moving along a neat trajectory. I don’t know what the hell is going on. But not this.
Now I no longer feel discouraged, discouraged or frustrated when I find myself sleepwalking through life. I feel more at peace with it. This weakens the power of the monkey mind. Non-resistance is a great source of strength. I could never really understand Mooji’s call to “be at peace with a chaotic mind.” I now know this is definitely possible.
You can watch yourself doing mental acrobatics with self-righteous guilt and blame, and think, “Okay, okay… this too shall pass.” Once your child is exhausted and has a meltdown after a tantrum, calm will naturally follow. And the Buddha is waiting on the other side. Nowhere to go. There is no escape from our Buddha nature.
This is not to say that discipline is unimportant, sustained wholehearted commitment is unnecessary, or that “anything goes.” But I firmly believe that whether it’s a lack of discipline, commitment, or any other force under the sun, as Christians say, “Not even the powers of hell can separate us from the love of God.” (Romans 8:38, NLT) The Buddha’s heart is full of compassion for me, and his trust in me and his commitment to me are unshakable. Nothing can change that.
The above is just to say don’t be discouraged. once. If you’re reading this, don’t worry, you’re stuck! You are safe on the road. You might go off track, make a U-turn, or whatever, but you simply can’t choose another path. This path chooses you. You are safe.
Here are some simple tools and suggestions for creating an environment and lifestyle that continually reminds you that you are a student, a disciple, and a pilgrim. always. Even if your life is filled with peace, contentment, and calm.
environment
I enjoy drinking living water from various traditional river-fed wells. My spirituality is very eclectic and my home reflects that.My valuable possessions include
- A small statue of the god Ganesh at an ashram near New York.
- Beautiful Orthodox icon of Mary and baby Jesus (reflecting my cultural heritage),
- Incense from the London Buddhist Centre, where I attend religious gatherings from time to time;
- A string of beads from the London Self-Realization Society,
- I have an audio Bible on my phone,
- I have an electronic copy of “The Power of Now” by Ekchart Tolle on my laptop.
- A spiritual companionship magazine on the bedside table…
The list goes on. The point is, my apartment and my surroundings are filled with reminders of places I’ve been, things I’ve heard, people I’ve met, and things that matter most to me.
Sometimes some of these reminders act like refrigerator magnets and I stop noticing them. Then I might introduce something new. But most of the time, these things aren’t wallpaper. I gave them a function. They are meaningful. They constantly remind me who I am.
What does my strange collection mean to me? It reminds me that my past is spiritual and so is my present and future. No area of my life has meaning and purpose because every moment in time and every place in space is part of my practice. I’m never alone.
Even though there was no one around me, I was surrounded by fellow pilgrims. Behind the amazing diversity of beliefs and practices lies unity and unity. Each of us is part of a bloodline. May we continue our practice to give thanks to those who have gone before us and to preserve the tradition for those who are yet to come.
Do your circumstances reflect your path, your identity, your truth? How can you make small changes to your bedroom or workplace to introduce something that reminds you who and where you belong?
people
Life keeps dragging me into some human drama where people and situations trigger me and my actions trigger others. I have no vision, wisdom or peace in my life. No one set any example for me, and I couldn’t set an example for anyone else.
No spiritual If I had a significant other in my life, I would be completely lost and think the adult world is really just bills and “commitments.” During more balanced times in my life, I might have had more stable relationships with these people (e.g., attending meditation groups regularly). Other times, even if I don’t have regular contact with anyone, I still try to make sure these people are still in my life.
The longer you stay on the road, the more pilgrims come into your life. Others are naturally happy, or naturally perceptive or compassionate. Conversations with them remind me to seek out what is true and beautiful, rather than just passively participating in the rat race of life.
It’s important to receive the occasional email or message from these people. It’s important that they hear from me occasionally. This infrequent contact is not too frequent to maintain, but it leaves little reminders in one’s life of who a person really is, or rather, who a person is not. who.
If you can, go to any local place that has spiritual meaning to you. Even five minutes chatting with someone there will help you feel like you’re on the right track again.
Send a quick “Hi, how are you” to people you met on retreat or otherwise connected with, watch a YouTube video with someone who has been your teacher or inspiration, or attend a live talk, online Or attend in person.
Even a random one-time visit or the occasional meeting with someone who shares your goals can work wonders. This is especially true because you can see how other people fluctuate between states of mental wakefulness and sleep. They will occasionally fall asleep, but will not fall off the road.
work
That’s great if you can do it “right” (e.g., you meditate once a day; you’re part of a community of people deepening and growing in practice together, etc.), but chances are, you want to do this things, but half the time you can’t bring yourself to do much or anything at all. It doesn’t matter. Do something.
Almost anything goes. Watch inspirational videos, listen to thought-provoking podcasts, journal, take a walk, color with your heart, listen to relaxing music or sacred chanting, meditate, or sleep. Anything that adds color to your life is important (for example, a heart-warming movie or a great theater performance, or enjoying a good meal or learning the basics of self-massage).
You are in the classroom, so every life experience is part of the path, part of the practice. Try taking brief moments of mindful appreciation of what you are doing. Express thankfulness. Relax, enjoy and have fun.
Remember, too, that in a world where we expect to do more, better, faster, rest is resistance. So, be rebellious. Did not do anything.
opportunity
Yes, this is the most annoying and painful question. When will I have time to stop and do something vaguely spiritual? I would say it’s about how to creatively and generously explain what spiritual practice is. If your daily routine allows you to drink tea or coffee for five minutes first thing in the morning, it’s a great start to the day. This is your practice.
When I can’t do that (most of the time), I make myself a cup of coffee at work and try not to open my work laptop until I’ve finished my coffee. At the end of the day, when I’m too tired to meditate, pray, read, or do anything else, I turn on a pretty fairy light and curl up on the little couch for ten minutes. Just staring into space.
Another mindful pause of mine is to air-dry my hands while I work. This took a little longer than using paper towels and gave me a few extra seconds of peace and quiet in the bathroom. Occasionally, I would stand up and stare out the office window. Taking short breaks of two to three minutes is a powerful tool for grounding yourself in the present moment.
Of course, some days are so busy that I don’t even have time to dry my hands properly. I just do it when I can. When I think about it. I find it relatively easy and very helpful to refocus my attention on my breath, since that’s how I meditate anyway.
Less but often is definitely best. In my book, “occasionally” or even “very occasionally” is still better than “not at all.” If you can breathe mindfully once a day—or even once a week—it’s still a valuable moment of mindfulness. This is important; it does make a difference.
As the old saying goes, no matter how many “mental things” you do on a given day, it’s the intention that counts. Indeed. When the intention is there, the fire is burning. So just take these short breaks and fill your life with mini reminders to keep you going and keep you grounded and strong. Finally, let me remind you of my precious mantra:
You’ve tried it, you’ve failed, it doesn’t matter. Try again, fail again, fail better. (Samuel Beckett)
About Elena Verigo
Elena manages the learning support department at a busy school in central London. Her work with adults focuses on creative therapeutic solutions for identity issues. Please visit her at soothesands.com.
