“Those who live a fulfilling life and radiate life energy are those who live successfully.” ~ Daisaku Ikeda
We’ve all heard the phrase “find your purpose in life.” It gets thrown around too much these days. Many of us have been searching for it for what feels like an eternity, especially when we feel stuck, lost, and out of tune. Finding our purpose then becomes an almost obsessive search for solutions to all our problems.
We are led to believe that purpose in life is a single thing, a calling that we feel passionate about and that deep down we know we have found it. With it, instead of feeling trapped, we will feel accomplished and fulfilled, and we will have answers to what we do day in and day out, allowing us to understand why we were put on this earth.
On the other hand, we believe that without someone our lives would be uninspired and dull. Without one, we feel uncoordinated and perpetually stuck.
But what if I tell you that’s not true? In fact, what you thought you knew about finding your purpose in life is actually the thing that gets you stuck when you could stop looking for your purpose and still achieve it?
I know this sounds like a big claim. But after nearly twenty years of trying to find my life purpose, I finally learned that a life goal is not the real destination, let alone the final step. It’s more of a general feeling than a specific thing we do. Let me explain.
I used to be a typical person who did everything by the rules. You gave me the direction and I followed. I did what I was told to do, no questions asked. I studied what I thought was a smart career choice and was supposed to be a straight A student who loved math (BS and MS in Economics, thank you very much).
My interest in finding my purpose first started during my last semester of college. As I thought would be expected from a math nerd like me, I was in the Economics Honors program and needed approval from the department chair to graduate. It turned out that although I had chosen electives as stated in the course rule book, the principal deemed my choices too “easy” compared to my peers and therefore could not graduate me from the course.
I had to either graduate from a regular economics major or stay an extra semester to take more “difficult” courses. (Spoiler alert: I completed extra classes and also completed my master’s program even though deep down I knew it wasn’t what I really wanted to do. I did it because I thought that’s what I was supposed to do.)
Now, you might be thinking (and I’m not blaming you here – in hindsight, these were my thoughts too), what’s the big deal? Finish school and get on with life!
But for me, in that moment, my world fell apart. It was then that I first realized how I was defining my worth based on what I did and what others thought of me, rather than speaking from within. That one incident launched me on a journey of self-help and self-discovery that now spans two decades.
This is how the quest to find your life’s purpose begins.
After graduation, I felt so lost that I became obsessed with finding my purpose, convinced that once I found it, I would no longer feel so stuck and uninspired that life was passing me by. I longed for meaning in my life and was determined to find my purpose to achieve that.
Over the next few years, I read books about how to find your purpose. I listen to podcasts and speeches and even attend workshops. I was sure that I would eventually stumble upon something that I was so passionate about and so naturally good at that I could dedicate my life to it.
I asked myself what I would like to do and made a list. I asked other people what they thought I was naturally good at. I took a personality test. Read my birth chart. I even looked back at things I loved doing as a kid in hopes of finding my golden nuggets.
I tried everything, making my list like I was at the grocery store: baking, creative writing, dancing, etc. At the same time, I had to pay off my student loans, so finding my purpose took a back seat while I worked a really good job to pay the bills.
Fast forward more than a decade later, and I’m acutely aware that I’ve spent the last fifteen years working in a company, feeling lost and stuck in a career I didn’t want, working in a job that simply didn’t fulfill me, and leading a life that was perfect A normal life, getting married and having children.
I was rediscovering my purpose in life with more energy than before, but I kept getting stuck in dead ends. Why can’t I have a passion that makes it easy to achieve my goals in life? What’s so hard about finding a purpose that helps me get out of a rut and gives me the satisfaction and inspiration I so crave? Where is my purpose?
Then the unthinkable happened: I lost a very dear friend.
Her passing truly breaks my heart. I shut down and broke down, allowing myself to mourn and feel all the feelings. I asked myself some tough questions. If it were me, would I feel like I was living a fulfilling life? Have I ever regretted it? There is nothing scarier than realizing that I am not living my life the way I want to, mostly because of my doubts and fears.
So, in true YOLO (you only live once) form, I decided to make a drastic change. I closed the door on finding my purpose in life and focused on living my daily life now.
What do I really want to do and have if I have it now? What do I need to do today to feel this way?
I dug deep and anchored a vision of how I wanted to feel day in and day out, and based on that, I learned how to use feelings to create purpose and intention. I finally understood the importance of making decisions to ensure I maintain or create that feeling I want, rather than just thinking about the actual end goal.
You see, the surprising thing is that we are not necessarily pursuing a specific thing (e.g., a different dress size, a promotion, a house, finishing a marathon, etc.), but rather what achieving these goals creates within us Feelings (e.g., feeling satisfied, valuable, peaceful, juicy, whole, etc.).
When you focus on creating that feeling rather than achieving a specific outcome, you’ll realize that it doesn’t matter what you do as long as what you do essentially makes you feel the way you want to feel. In other words, it makes you feel good inside.
In the end, maybe losing weight won’t make you feel really good (or happy, valuable, loved, etc.) but rather change the way you talk to yourself when you look in the mirror every day. Focusing on creating this feeling now will help you make decisions that feel good, which will help you do things that feel consistent.
I also learned how to calm my thoughts, lower the volume of my inner critic, and become my biggest cheerleader. I learned how to tune in to my body and energy and pause when I needed a break. I learned how to build confidence and develop strategies that helped me get out of the “deer in the headlights” mode I fell into when I was afraid and helped me keep moving forward.
Guess what happened? I realized that I had created a balance and flow in my life that made me feel good. I felt aligned, fulfilled, and motivated, which is exactly how I thought I would feel if I found my purpose.
Throughout this journey, I’ve learned that having a purpose in life doesn’t mean doing something. In fact, it’s all about aligning your daily actions with your values and desires. Simply put, your life purpose (and the life purpose of others) is to make sure that you are living your life fully every day in accordance with your beliefs, your values, and the way you desire to feel in this life. That’s it.
It doesn’t matter what you do, what your career or hobby is. It doesn’t matter if you don’t have a specific passion or career. As long as every action you take every day creates the feeling you want, your life will have purpose. You don’t need to do anything else.
Beginning to find your purpose will lead you to believe that there is a straight line to answering your soul’s call and living your most aligned, vibrant life. You just have to tune into your soul to find that specific thing that you can dedicate your life to, which is the panacea for all your problems. But in fact, it’s not.
You don’t need to find a life purpose to get out of your shell and feel inspired and aligned. You just need to be very clear about what is truly important to you, what you really need and want, and how you would feel having it all, and then take daily actions to create that feeling.
Once you do this regularly, you’ll be surprised how inspired and fulfilled you’ll feel. You won’t feel trapped. You’ll never have to worry about finding your purpose again because you’ll be living with purpose every day. That’s what really matters.
About Adriana Paez
Adriana Paez is a certified life coach whose mission is to help women who feel stuck and without purpose so they can overcome self-doubt, become confident, and find their groove again so they can create a A life that is deeply fulfilling and aligned with life. Adriana thrives using her innovative three-pillar formula to help others get back in the driver’s seat of life, from stuck to unstoppable. adrianapaez.com / Instagram
