1. “What information do you need?”
Whether I’m talking to a senator or an executive, I’ve found that one surefire way to make any communication more difficult than it needs to be is to try to read the other person’s mind.
Asking the other person what information they need is faster and more valuable than trying to guess. Especially when the person in front of you makes a decision based on what you share.
I remember asking Senator John McCain this question once during a foreign policy briefing. His response steered our conversation in the direction he needed to go, rather than where I thought it would be helpful to him.
You don’t always get a straight answer. Sometimes the other party doesn’t know what information they need. But asking rather than guessing can allow all parties to have a more productive conversation.
2. “Is there anyone else who needs to be included in this discussion?”
I ask this question at the beginning of every meeting, especially if it involves negotiation. We sometimes assume the person in front of us is the final decision-maker, but that’s not always the case.
Asking specifically who else needs to be involved ensures that all relevant stakeholders—and their respective objections, concerns, and perspectives—are included in the conversation from the beginning so that the consensus reached in the room can move forward .
If you don’t, you run the risk of agreeing to something and thinking you’re ready, only to find out that someone else is involved behind the scenes. Then you may need Starting from scratch.
3. “Who disagrees?”
I always leave room for this question in any conversation. Even if it may seem unpleasant, don’t leave it until the end, when most people in the room will have mentally finished and moved on.
Being clear about disagreements allows you to resolve them before it’s too late.
When we debate our reports at the CIA, we always solicit dissenting opinions because they make our overall argument stronger. In business and corporate settings, this question can make the final strategy better because it gives everyone a chance to have their say.
Being clear about disagreements allows you to resolve them before it’s too late.
One way to spark disagreement more subtly or safely is to ask, “If we have to play devil’s advocate, what are the weaknesses here?” This way, you invite discussion without singling anyone out.
Never assume that silence means everyone is on board. Try to work out the disagreement one-on-one, in a group, or in any way possible so that the argument can be resolved as best as possible. This way, there will be more support and less friction in executing any decision.
4. “I don’t know, but I’ll find out and get back to you.”
This is one of the most powerful and underused sentences you can use in a stressful situation. At the CIA, we were often told not to answer questions we didn’t have the answer to because the stakes were too high—but we didn’t leave it at “I don’t know,” either.
Instead, we say, “I don’t know, but I’ll find out and get back to you.” I still use this phrase in all my consulting and consulting work. It’s honest and it ensures I’m only sharing what I know and not answering just for the sake of having something to say.
Too many people feel pressured to fill the silence with ad hoc, ad hoc responses. Doing so can undermine trust, damage relationships, and harm the organization.
When you can confidently say something you don’t know, it’s the ultimate sign of humility and thoughtfulness.
Using this quote throughout my career has earned me the trust of four-star generals, ambassadors, investors, board members, and many other important stakeholders. They may not have been on my side when we started talking, but they were on my side by the end of it because they knew they could rely on my thoroughness and be confident in what I brought to the table. .
Rupal Patel Her career has taken her from military briefing rooms in the jungle and war zones to corporate boardrooms and the international stage. As a CIA analyst and field agent, she advised four-star generals, received the Theater Service Medal, and was recognized by the CIA Director for “exceptional support of the President of the United States.” Today Patel is an international speaker, corporate consultant and executive consultant. She holds degrees from Columbia University, the University of Chicago, and the London Business School. She is Entrepreneur in Residence at London Business School and Alumni in Residence at the University of Chicago. she is “From CIA to CEO: Unconventional life lessons to make you think bigger, lead better, and be bolder.”
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