Creating Big Change: How to Make Our Own Path

Have you ever thought that maybe your life hasn’t changed because you’re suppressing yourself, but you don’t know it?

Maybe there’s something in your conditioning or subconscious beliefs that’s preventing you from doing something that would bring you the change you’re seeking?

I’ve been thinking about this question ever since I took part in Nadia Colburn’s five-day mindful writing challenge, because one of the prompts gave me a lot of insight into why I’ve been struggling to create things in my life. The most desired change.

Part of the tip was “don’t look elsewhere” and after a brief meditation at the beginning of the challenge brought me a profound sense of calm and clarity, I came away with the following insights:

Roots and wings – that’s what I’ve always wanted. I always thought that roots meant my home, my family of origin. The life that leaves them is wings. But my entire adult life I felt like I had stepped out of the gate because I didn’t allow myself to have roots and wings at the same time. That’s what I really want. Put myself completely where I am. Trust that I am safe where I am. There is nothing wrong with where I am. I am Nothing wrong, no matter where I am.

This was a major aha moment for me, because it made me understand something further about something I’ve been reflecting on lately: In all my moves—fifteen times in twenty years—I had never allowed myself to truly Get settled. Be part of the community.

It’s not that I didn’t enjoy my different chapters, or that I regretted any of them. I did and I didn’t. I just never allowed myself to do anything that might make me feel restricted.

For a long time, I thought it was insecurity and self-preservation – my protection from abuse and bullying told me that no one would truly love me and that it wasn’t safe to be part of this group. To some extent, it is.

But I know now that I was also trapped by the invisible fence of a limiting belief—that living far away from my family was wrong. Not only do my two siblings live in my hometown, but they also live in my parents’ home just minutes away from extended family. I’ve always felt like the black sheep while simultaneously wanting to be part of the herd.

So I live in a lot of places like a traveler rather than a resident to avoid getting too deep into trouble to go home, or to go home whenever I want.

Now that I have kids, everything changes because I want them Feel at home. Go make real friends. There are commitments and routines. So I’m putting down roots, group two, and trying to overcome the fear that this might mean losing my family.

As an adult, I have more responsibilities and connections than ever before, and I always thought that meant clipping my wings, but I feel free. Because the things I fear most are also the things I want most. I had finally overcome the biggest obstacle to experiencing it—the limitations of my own mind.

It’s difficult for us to overcome our own inner obstacles because they are often hidden. They are the stories we tell ourselves over and over for years, the lies we tell ourselves so often that they feel like truth.

But they are not truth. They are misunderstandings of past events that have become a worldview. They are assumptions based on (often painful) experiences that we back up with so much “evidence” that they now look like facts.

They are essentially circus mirrors, distorting what we see and limiting our choices—unless we decide to start taking them off.

Start by asking yourself some questions to discover how and why we are holding ourselves back, including:

What is the story I tell myself about why I can’t do what I want to do? What do I gain by adhering to this narrative? What would I gain if I let go?

What beliefs have I inherited or absorbed from others? Why don’t these beliefs serve my highest good? What would I do differently if I thought they weren’t actually correct?

How could my inner critic lie to me in an attempt to keep me safe? How could this “security” be a prison? What is the truth that will set me free?

It took me over twenty years to overcome my inner block and settle down, and it was only in the last few years that I became aware of its existence.

This makes sense, because I’ve also spent decades solidifying the mind-numbing belief that families should be close but distance = safety.

Many of us are often in situations where our beliefs have been ingrained for years, which means it takes time to unearth and challenge them, and even longer to find the courage to act consistently despite those beliefs in order to We can slowly build evidence that this is safe and beneficial.

But it all started with an internal investigation. Start by looking within. It begins with silence and stillness, and a willingness to question what we think we know.

If you do this, perhaps like me, you will find that sometimes the most important knowledge is the knowledge you are willing to give up.

If you’re interested in participating in the mindfulness writing challenge I mentioned at the beginning (from Tiny Buddha contributor Nadia Colburn, who is one of this month’s site sponsors), you can access it for free here .

Each of the five days, you will receive a fifteen-minute recording that includes a brief meditation, an evocative poem, and a writing exercise inspired by the work.

I hope you find this practice as inspiring and empowering as I do!

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