Over the course of 30 years working in the Middle East, working to amplify the voices of Israelis and Palestinians working to overcome extremism on both sides, I have come to recognize a recurring pattern that plagues nearly all societies: despite the overwhelming numbers of moderates than extremists, but our will tends to be overwhelmed by a small group of people whose authoritarian vision, passion, and bias for action win them disproportionate influence.
As the Hamas massacre and the ensuing Israel-Hamas war brought pain and suffering to many innocent Israelis and Palestinians, college campuses faced unrest, division, and protests that sanctified violence, and in Amid a contentious election that saw hyperpartisan vitriol further permeate our culture this year, I initially found myself once again seeing hateful extremism (on all sides) as the problem.
Upon further reflection, I am convinced that moderates are also responsible for the division and conflict in our world.
Shortly after October 7, I visited the Muhammad Ali Center, where I received the Civility and Compassion Award. While in Louisville, Lonnie Ali, Muhammad Ali’s wife and co-founder of the Muhammad Ali Center, shared a powerful reflection with me. “The way to produce a crop is to sow the seed and grow it. Water, sunlight, fertilizer – you apply these every day and your plants will grow. That’s what moderates have to do,” she said.
“We must sow the seeds of civility and compassion not only within ourselves, but also among our children, friends and relatives. We need to cultivate these seeds so that a sapling will soon become a forest. This is extreme What molecules do,” she reminded me. “They get up every morning to further their cause; only theirs is destructive.
For years, I’ve made a similar point with another explanation: When extremists wake up, they ask themselves: “How can I advance my cause?” Meanwhile, ordinary citizens wake up and ask themselves: ” What should I have for breakfast?”
Although most people are aware of their agency and responsibility in shaping their professional and personal lives, they often fail to fulfill their important role in shaping their civic lives. This abdication of responsibility leaves a vacuum that those with extreme agendas are more than willing to fill. Lonnie’s words made me wonder, “What if moderates woke up in the morning as committed to changing society as extremists?
Of course, neither Lonnie nor I promote the hatred preached by radical authoritarians—quite the opposite. But moderates are losing, and what extremists are doing is quickly catching on. Can we turn the tide from moderates to builders who unite, create, and bring light to the world by employing the tactics (rather than ideologies) that extremist saboteurs use to divide, destroy, and weaken?
Extremists fight clear opponents. Builders need to do the same. We must understand that radical authoritarianism is itself a common threat to all peace-loving, freedom-loving peoples, rather than seeing each other as the problem (as we often do today). Our enemy is not a person but a mindset—an extremist form of thinking that replaces curiosity with rigidity, empathy with critical accusation, and courage with fear of others.
If we are committed to uniting against hateful and rigid ideas, we must do the uncomfortable work of building alliances across religious, partisan, and cultural divides, and we must overcome the extremism that causes many of us to ignore the extremism within our own groups blind spots. To replace the “us versus them” narrative with a truly clear mission, we must stop filling our news feeds solely with the perspectives of our own people, strive to put ourselves in the shoes of the other side, and commit to holding our own people accountable .
To articulate our unified vision, we cannot rely on semantics. Caught in the crossfire of the culture wars, many are struggling to find words that will bring people together rather than divide them. To overcome this problem, we must have positive intentions for each other and allow each other to speak from the heart, even if our words are not perfect.
When extremists pursue their cause with determination, the dedication of the rest of us often falters. Our immediate needs, both personal and professional, tend to take priority. While we should not follow the example of extremists in withdrawing from worldly life, which only encourages further radical thinking that is out of touch with reality, there is more we can do every day to be civically engaged. We can do this by volunteering in our local communities, writing letters to our representatives, and voting in primary elections. We can also do this in seemingly small ways through our interactions with friends, relatives, and colleagues.
Every disagreement or challenging moment is an opportunity to be curious about ideas we may disagree with, to have compassion for those we see as different, and to have the courage to unite across differences to solve problems. If we hone these skills every day, we will be more likely to detect extremism early and engage in critical listening, lively debate, and kindness to avoid going over the edge.
Finally, just as extremists use social media as a weapon to spread hate and lies, we must find radical ways to express sympathy, understanding, and rejection of authoritarian ideas online. We must promote our constructive actions louder and more conspicuously so that bad actors do not take the spotlight. Rather than ignoring troll comments in our feed, we should “call out” those haters and bring them closer to our cause.
The stakes have never been higher for moderates to stand up, speak out, and commit to being builders—flexible thinkers and constructive problem solvers who recognize the dignity of all people. Stopping a culture of division and destruction from hijacking our lives requires beating extremists at their game and even taking a page from their book.
Daniel Lubetzky is the founder of KIND Snacks buildera global platform that provides people with the skills, tools and networks to overcome extremist ideas and toxic polarization.
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