“I think this is the start of something very big. Sometimes the first step is the hardest, but we just took it. ~ Steve Jobs
I’ve had a dysfunctional relationship with alcohol almost as long as I’ve been drinking. From college until my twenties and thirties, I was basically an alcoholic. Sometimes I can drink “normally” but I never know if I’m going to stop at two or ten. Two feels fine, but ten would make me pass out and stand barefoot on the bar, which is never a good look for me.
It scares me now to think back on what I did after drinking too much Crown and Coke, but I didn’t think much of it at the time. Everyone was drinking heavily. It was part of the culture of the people around me. Hangovers are a badge of honour, and if nothing terrible happens, passing out becomes a fun story to tell the next day while eating greasy fast food to soak up the vodka from the night before.
It wasn’t until my late forties that I really began to question my relationship with alcohol. In 2016, shortly after turning forty, my drinking went off the rails. At the time, I was raising four young children in a blended family and trying to make ends meet in a job that expected more of me than I was capable of.
Despite the stress, from the looks of it, I made it through. Good job, healthy family, a roof over my head, and a minivan in the garage. But deep down, I struggled deeply with depression and anxiety, both of which were exacerbated by alcoholism.
As time went on, things got worse.
My weekend drinking turned into one, sometimes two bottles of wine a night. The hangover began to last for days, costing me my job and preventing me from seeing my family. My blackouts became more terrifying and frequent, and I once walked barefoot alone on MacDill Avenue in the middle of the night and had no recollection of it the next day. My depression and anxiety became so unmanageable that I tried to live my life twice that year, both times getting extremely drunk.
In 2016, I made several attempts to stop drinking. But every time, as Laura McCowan says, deep down inside of me, I’m looking for the third door. I’m convinced there is a choice between drinking like I used to and quitting drinking altogether. I desperately want to be able to drink “normally,” but every time I stop and try again, I go straight back into derailment.
Funnily enough, it was an ordinary night (or day) of drinking in early January 2017 that finally brought me to my knees.
On January 1, 2017, my husband took the kids to the pool so I could recover from the cold I had been fighting. Instead of taking a break, I sat on the back porch and drank two bottles of wine. Nothing terrible happened, but when I woke up the next morning, I knew deep down that something had to change. It’s no exaggeration to say that I’m tired of my own bullshit.
I once heard John Mayer talk about staying sober, and he said he asked himself, “Okay, John, what percentage of your potential do you want to have?” He decided he wanted 100 percent, but he couldn’t achieve that if he continued to drink. a little.
I asked myself the same thing that January morning after an ordinary night of drinking, and it was obvious that I was only living up to a fraction of my potential because I spent so much time drinking, thinking about drinking and recovering from Drinking alcohol.
I lay in bed for hours that morning, tears of fear and relief streaming down my face. I was terrified that I wouldn’t stay awake, but grateful that I was blaming myself. I’m finally ready to actually get it done.
Since I was ready by then, I threw the kitchen sink at it. I journal, meditate, move my body, quit smoking, podcast about alcohol-free living, and more. I make it my number one priority.
For a while, nothing was more focused than my recovery. Not my husband. Not my child. Not keeping up with household chores. there is nothing. For months, I focused all my energy on saving lives. I feel guilty for being so focused on myself at the expense of my family, but when I look back now, I would do it the same way again. My husband and kids pay more attention to me now than they did when I was drinking.
Dry January isn’t necessarily a month without alcohol; It could be the start of something bigger. This could be the start of building a life you love. There is no room for alcohol in life because life is so much better and brighter without it.
I was able to view this sobriety process as additive (adding practices that support and nourish my entire being) rather than just as a subtractive process of sobriety. That’s how I encourage you to look at it. This is an opportunity, not a life sentence. As something joyful and meaningful, not something punitive. As an opportunity to build a life you don’t need or want to be numb to.
Choosing to quit drinking is one of the bravest decisions you can make. But courage alone is not enough; courage is also needed. To truly thrive, you need tools, support, and a willingness to try new things.
If you are reading this and thinking “this is me,” I want you to know that you are not alone. The road to sobriety isn’t easy, but it’s possible—and it’s worth every step.
As I began my journey, these tools became my lifeline. They gave me the structure I needed to start my life over again, and they can do the same for you.
Find connections
Johann Hari famously said, “The opposite of addiction is not sobriety. It’s connection. Go to meetings (there are many options besides AA these days, my favorite is the one founded by Laura McKowen called The Luckiest Club’s online meeting platform).
Find a sober friend to help you stay accountable.
Search for sobriety Facebook groups in your area and post a query for anyone who wants to meet up for coffee.
Rely on the love of family and friends who may not be sober but who support you on your journey.
No matter what your relationship is, find a place to talk about your decision not to drink. Look for people who know what it’s like not to drink in a world filled with alcohol. Talk about challenges and talk about wins. Whatever you do, don’t keep it to yourself.
seek support
There are many avenues of support available today. You can contact a therapist or coach. You can seek assistance from your primary care physician. You can find medication-assisted treatment and talk therapy online.
It’s important to contact a professional who can help guide you in the right direction. There are so many ideas and suggestions out there about how to quit smoking, and it can be very helpful to talk to someone who can help you sift through your options and figure out the fastest way to achieve your goals.
try new things
Dry January is the perfect time to try something new. If something sounds interesting, give it a try.
I tried watercolor painting, knitting, tarot cards, every form of meditation known to man, and more. Not everything is stuck, but trying different things occupies my time, challenges my thinking, and gives me some helpful distractions when cravings strike. The things that did stick (muse headband meditation, journaling, and tarot card reading) are still the things I think keep me sane today.
meditate
Meditation has been a game-changer for many people in recovery, and for good reason. When we drink excessively, the smart and rational part of our brain (our prefrontal cortex) goes largely offline. Meditation is the best way to revisit the part of your brain responsible for making healthy decisions.
There are many techniques to try. Emotional freedom techniques, binaural beats, biofeedback (MUSE headbands, etc.) meditation, guided meditation… just to name a few. It doesn’t matter how you do it, what matters is that you do it. Aim for three to five minutes to start and build from there.
self education
There are tons of wonderful books about sobriety these days. Memoirs and “how to” guides abound. Two of my favorite books about early sobriety are This naked soul Author: Anne Grace and Quit smoking like a woman Author: Holly Whitaker. There are some great podcasts out there too (a quick Google search will point you in the right direction).
It’s important to hear other people’s stories of struggle and success. It is useful to understand the effects of alcohol on the brain and body. We all know knowledge is power, and knowing the truth about alcohol often gives you the strength you need to get things done.
As you enter this January, remember that it’s not what you’re giving up, but what you’re making space for. This month may be the beginning of a deeper transformation that can help you discover your best self. The tools, support and determination you need are at your fingertips—this is your moment to take a breath and take the leap.
About Whitney Combs
Whitney is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach with nearly a decade of experience coaching women to regain control of their relationships with alcohol. Through her personalized one-on-one coaching, Whitney empowers women to achieve lasting, sustainable recovery through a clear, structured approach. You can find Whitney on Instagram (@whitney.combs) and you can learn more about her approach to recovery and schedule a discovery call on her website, www.whitneycombs.com.
