“Every time I thought I was being rejected by something good, I was actually being redirected to something better.” ~ Steve Maraboli
I think most singles these days dream of meeting someone “in real life.”
The fantasy is that it would be easier in the “real world”.
I dated BA and AA. Before application and after application.
The sad truth is, whether you use apps or not, technology has changed the game.
The life skill of walking up to someone in a bar and starting a conversation out of thin air has been lost. A close second is the ability to be on the receiving end of a conversation without the safety net of a screen.
I come from a small town where everyone says hello to everyone, but do that in the city and people jump back like you’re a ghost.
Dating apps are hard, but meeting someone in real life can be even harder.
You need to be confident enough to chat to anyone, let everyone know you’re single and want to be set up (even your accounting colleague Sue), and be prepared to be rejected in person.
It’s a classic “the grass is greener” scenario.
The reason people hate apps so much is because of rejection, and the sheer volume of it.
In real life, you’ll be rejected less often because you’ll likely encounter fewer rejected people.
Redefining rejection helped me get to know my husband.
I had been single for several years after leaving a toxic relationship. Sure, there were the occasional relationships, but like a low-rated sitcom, none lasted long.
I’m worried I’ll be swiping left and right forever. I was woken up in front of a Melbourne landmark at 10am on a Saturday morning, feeling mysterious and constantly being rejected.
I felt the need to change myself and rewrite my Bumble bio just to get selected.
I was born with intuitive abilities, which means I can see, hear, feel, and know things that others cannot. I’ve been wondering when I should share this message with someone who I know has a strained relationship with their father or whose boss can’t be trusted.
Obviously, I would never say that. But essentially, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea. People don’t like the idea of dating a human lie detector.
You may be thinking, why tell anyone? Well, these abilities are all part of my job; they are an important part of who I am. So it’s inevitable. Just like Chad didn’t tell me he worked in finance. Or trying to hide the fact that I have brown eyes.
I try to share my abilities early on in the app, or on the first or third date. It’s all about avoiding rejection. Thinking that I can somehow change the outcome of whether someone accepts me or not.
I hate the feeling that an important part of me is being made fun of, or thought of as weird, or even that it just doesn’t “suit someone.”
This fear of rejection kept me from meeting the right people.
I wasted too much time trying to please the wrong people, hiding myself from myself and not being authentic. This means that anyone interested in my true identity will never be able to find me. The real me is nowhere to be found.
When I changed my perspective on rejection, dating became so much easier and, dare I say it, fun!
I almost encourage rejection. I put my authentic self out there and hold nothing back – not in a creepy first date way of sharing every intimate detail about yourself; I just don’t have a filter or fear of scaring anyone off.
I have a new mindset and saying no has saved me time and energy in finding the right person. Rejection set me free. Rejection is a normal part of dating. This is not a “just me” thing.
CUT TO: I met my husband. Our first date was non-stop talking about everything from J Cole to Arrested Development to exploring life’s big questions like Where do people go after death? We got married two years later.
Just the other day, over brunch at our local cafe, we reflected on how embracing rejection changes everything on a date.
My husband has a disability that may prevent him from getting out. I would have been completely discouraged by countless “failed” dates. But thankfully, we move on.
If you’re reading this and you’re frustrated with the dating process, but you really want to meet someone, I hope you don’t give up.
Someone is looking for you, just like you, and it would be such a shame if you are not found.