“Rest is not necessarily a cessation of all activity, but a way of going inward, going deeper. If we take the time, rest can allow us to go below the surface. Rest gives us the gift of insight, rest invites us to Ways to be and show up in the world ~Ashley Ness.
I must have been about sixteen years old when my dad and I drove down the streets of the small town around one or two in the afternoon.
As my dad looked out the passenger seat window, he noticed a guy running in the afternoon. For most people, this is simply not a topic worth giving a second thought to. However, this was unimaginable to my father.
He turned to me and said, “What the hell do you think he’s doing?”
My father couldn’t understand that anyone would go out in the middle of the day and do something other than work.
Since then, I’ve thought a lot about that day because from that moment on, I began to realize that my views on rest, productivity, and personal worth were in conflict.
All my father knew was work. He suffered multiple heart attacks last year but still scoffed at the idea of rest.
Work was where my father learned early on to escape his dysfunctional upbringing. Work was his escape from his mother’s constant nagging.
My father felt that work was enough.
Growing up in this environment, work, productivity, and struggle were ingrained into my nervous system. Productivity and proving myself are how I feel appreciated, seen, enough and valuable.
I never consciously think about these things or say them out loud, but they manifest themselves in subtle ways, like my relationship with time. I never believed in having enough time, which left me feeling behind, rushed, and internally confused.
Until the past few years, I didn’t know what it was like to not live in urgency mode. I was trapped in the familiar nervous system of anxiety, which deprived my body of the rest and renewal it so desperately craved.
Living in survival mode keeps me rushing, busy, and frantic, avoiding the deeper work I need to slow down and create the space I crave.
My conditions lead me to believe:
- If I’m not productive, I’m not worthy.
- If I’m not producing, I’m lazy.
- If I don’t work hard, I will fall behind.
These are what I call “my cows.” My terms of worth.
It’s like I’m interdependent on the outside world, believing that everyone but me is dependent on me, and if I’m not following through, performing, and being productive, I’m not a “good person.” All of this combined put a high level of stress on my nervous system and caused me to live in a state of urgency. And the urgency makes it impossible to rest.
Between the adrenaline torture, constant anxiety, and overwhelming fatigue, I finally had to give in to the idea that rest might be the medicine I needed. I have used many extraordinary modalities on my healing journey, but rest is a topic I have always resisted.
I believed that taking a break was a mistake and that in order to get better I had to keep pushing, proving myself, and achieving something. Rest feels disobedient. Slowing down and being still would cause too much discomfort, so even though rest was the medicine I needed, I resisted.
Maybe this will resonate with you too. Deep down you know you need to rest, but the message you receive along the way is that rest makes you useless. When this belief system drives our lives, of course we resist rest. We are taught from a young age to value speed, productivity, careers, money, material things, competition, and financial success.
Slowing down and noticing my cows has been life-changing for me, especially when resting.
Your COW might sound a little like this:
- I don’t have time to rest.
- Prioritizing rest is selfish.
- Rest has to be presented in a certain way.
- In order to rest, I have to complete x, y, and z first.
- I’m not good at taking breaks.
- Once everything is crossed off my to-do list, I rest.
- I wasn’t getting the support I needed.
- I will start to rest tomorrow.
- My mind is too active; I am easily distracted.
- I have too many urgent things to do.
- My family and career depended on me; there was no way I could rest.
Maybe your COWs are listed here, or maybe they sound a little different, but it’s worth giving some thought to your COWs, also known as limiting beliefs.
Ask yourself: What have I learned about rest? What do I think about rest? Who (if anyone) models or practices self-care or rest for me? What message am I receiving about the value of rest?
While our cows may seem “bad” to us and have something to eradicate, I invite you to consider that cows can be a gateway to better understanding and healing of ourselves.
Bringing our cows to the surface gives us choices about how to heal them and address them. When we are not aware of our cows, the choices we make regarding rest are limited by what our beliefs allow, which makes rest challenging.
Examining our cows around rest will lead us to delve deeper so we can empower ourselves to slowly choose a better rhythm for our lives.
We are a tired culture. Rest provides us with antidote to anxiety, exhaustion, overwork, and illness. Rest is a powerful medicine, as essential to the body as water. When we are dehydrated, we suffer. We feel the same way when we are upset.
Urgency is not necessarily our bottom line. We can choose different ones. When it comes to rest, we can break free from the faulty programming of our culture, systems, and upbringing. We can learn to slow down. We can learn to embody presence and ease. We can learn to rest.
Rest is still not easy for me. Sometimes I fight it and want to get more done faster. That old, familiar rush of adrenaline was familiar to my system, but deep in my bones, I knew this sense of urgency was unsustainable. The urgency comes from a part of me that longs to be seen as valuable, kind, loved, and enough.
Softness, slowness, grounding and presence are the gifts that rest gives me. Life goes by so fast and when I’m restless, I miss a lot.
My invitation is to begin exploring your relationship with rest. While this may seem simple or not worth it, I guarantee it is the deepest, most valuable work you will ever do.
About Krista Resnick
Krista is a conscious coach and restorative yoga/yoga nidra teacher who helps women who feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and anxious create simple rituals and practices that connect mind, body, and soul. She is eager to help you connect to the power of rest, your innate wisdom, and savor the brilliance of everyday life. Check out her free yoga nidra meditations designed to help you live from a calmer, more purposeful place.
