“Allow yourself to be quietly attracted by the strange attraction of what you truly love. It will not lead you astray. ~Rumi
I looked back at myself in the mirror with a tear-filled face. It’s the same every Sunday night. The next morning I had to get up and go to work, a job that, while great on paper, was slowly sucking my soul away, filled me with fear. I was twenty-seven years old and I was completely lost, working all day long at a job that brought me no joy in any way shape or form.
Until I was twenty-five, I mostly followed my heart in life, doing things that I loved and that came easily to me—namely, getting a degree in Spanish and Portuguese and then teaching English in Japan for three years .
At twenty-six, I decided I needed to do something “more useful” than teaching languages, so I got a master’s degree in a business-related subject and found myself that aforementioned soul-sucking corporate job.
For the first time in my life, I followed my head instead of my heart, and due to my extremely sensitive nature, it caused me a level of existential pain and darkness that I had never imagined possible.
There was nothing wrong with the job itself: the staff were (mostly) lovely, there were lots of interesting young people, and we had a lively social life on the weekends. But when I wake up for work each morning with a deep, full-body fear of the day ahead, and spend most of the day feeling like a fish out of water in the office, the message is loud and clear, It means my life doesn’t match my life.
However, the job is highly sought-after and pays well. I worked hard to get there and used most of my savings to pay for business school. I don’t see myself having any other career options in the near future. I couldn’t leave without a backup plan.
My heart knows the way out of the darkness
Luckily, my heart kept pushing me to find things I loved doing, so I tried a variety of different activities, if only to make me feel better.
I knew exercise would help relieve the stress of a new job, so for the first few months I would swim at the local pool at 7am a few days a week before heading to the office. It’s a lot of effort, but it lifts my mood and helps me start the day on a positive note.
The job meant moving to Swindon, a town far away from all my family and friends, so I joined a local women’s football team (soccer to those in North America) to meet people outside of work people. The training session gave me something to look forward to in the evening.
Now, as a footballer, I’m not that great (an understatement!), but running around on a muddy football field chasing a ball on a Sunday morning, rain or shine, is exactly what I need tonic.
When the opportunity came up at work to run the London Marathon with a charity, I signed up immediately as I have always loved running and running the London Marathon has been a dream of mine since I was little.
I trained week after week in all weathers with two guys in the office, and the endorphins, friendships, and my improved fitness quickly helped me feel happier again.
These physical activities all get me out of my head and back into my body. They help me make friends, they cheer me up, calm my negative mental chatter, and redirect my thoughts to more positive ones, which brighten my mood and overall outlook on life.
The importance of dreaming big
During my first year on the job, when I was in the depths of my “what the hell am I doing here” crisis, I met a woman who had been selected to represent the company in The Gambia, West Africa. (Our company sends one person each year to visit its philanthropic programs in developing countries.)
When I asked her how she stood out among 12,000 employees, she told me: “You’d be surprised, Luisa. Most people think they won’t be selected, so they don’t even apply.“
It was then that I felt the spark of possibility ignite within me. I vowed that next year I would apply to represent my company on a charity trip, with the final destination being Tamil Nadu in southern India.
India has always held a special place in my heart and I have always wanted to visit the country with a meaningful reason other than just being a tourist.
Readers, I have been chosen! It was the trip of a lifetime and the fulfillment of a dream I had had since I was a teenager. I attended community groups in inner city slums and remote villages, visited water projects, helped build toilets and got an overview of the charity’s work in the area.
Back in Swindon I still didn’t love my job and the Sunday night dread cycle never completely went away, but slowly but surely my feelings for the company I worked for changed to gratitude and appreciation.
I chose this job because it was a large international company and the hope was that I would eventually be able to travel or work abroad and use my language. My chances seemed pretty slim since I’m the world’s worst business analyst, and I still haven’t shaken off the feeling of being a fish out of water as a linguist masquerading as a businessman.
But language opens doors that might otherwise have been closed, and after eighteen months of living and working in Swindon (with the sole and wonderful exception of my trip to India) I was finally transferred to the international department, which meant I spent six months in Paris and then moved to beautiful Madrid for two years.
I’m now living in Spain, a country I love, and using my language skills, but I know I need to escape the corporate world and find something more fulfilling, which I’m not really good at.
Be clear about what you want and the path will appear
The longer I’ve been doing this job, the clearer one thing has become to me – it’s crucial for me to find a job I love. The pain of working day after day in a job that was so far removed from my “sphere of genius and joy” has at least given me some clarity in this regard.
When I moved to the international side of the company, I spent a lot of alone time on flights and in hotel rooms in foreign cities, which was perfect for daydreaming about my next move. I started making plans and after two years in Madrid I finally escaped the corporate world.
I didn’t have a clear roadmap for the future, but I knew I had to follow my joy and not be miserable doing a job I didn’t enjoy. I attended a Spanish university and pursued graduate studies in subjects I was passionate about: Spanish literature and teaching Spanish as a foreign language.
In my third year of graduate studies, I found a job teaching English at a Spanish university. During college, I freelanced translating psychology articles for various university clients and academic journals, a job I continue to do and love to this day. I also began combining my passions for writing, positive psychology, and languages to create self-study materials for language magazines and online publications.
It’s been a winding road, but as time has gone on, my work has become more fulfilling. Recently, my main job, psychology translation, has declined due to advances in translation technology. But twenty years of following my heart, not my head, has taught me that the path will always appear, even when the future seems uncertain.
I always focus on what I love and am good at, and I trust the path will appear, as it always does. I will answer the following two questions in my journal to gain a clearer understanding of my inner desires. Dear reader, will you do this with me?
Question 1: Do you know what you want?
Grab a pen and paper and write down all the “impossible” dreams you’ve ever had. (They can be in any area of life: work, love, family, travel, skills, fun, health, creativity, etc.) What does your heart truly desire?
Now, allow yourself to daydream a little. Wouldn’t it be great if it was possible for you to do some of these things, and maybe in the near future, maybe even eventually all of them?
You may not know how they are possible, but if you don’t even allow yourself to fantasize about the things that illuminate you, you can be sure that they won’t appear in your reality.
Every great thing starts with an idea or a daydream, so don’t underestimate the importance of spending time on it.
What are some small steps you can take in the direction of these big dreams? Can you take up a new hobby or volunteer in a different field? Sometimes, just the satisfaction of taking action in the right direction can change your mood and might even open the door to future opportunities you never thought possible.
Question 2: Are you doing your best?
Ever thought about what makes you you? Write down the answers to these questions and let your pen write freely and express what you know in your heart to be true, even if you haven’t allowed yourself to reflect on it for years (perhaps even decades).
What makes you come alive? What makes your heart sing? Even if no one pays you, what can you do until the cows come home?
If these questions are difficult for you to answer, think back to your childhood self and think about who you were before adult obligations began to overwhelm you and tell you who you should be. Write these things down until you remember what you love and how you should show up in the world.
Go forward bravely and shine your unique light
Now, go out there and do the best you can, honey. Follow your heart and let your essence shine through in big and small ways in your daily life.
Life is a precious gift, and we don’t live long. So take one small step each day (or week) to do more of what lights up you, and you’ll light up the world around you in ways you’ve never dreamed of.
My dear, your heart knows the way. Be still and listen, and then be sure to follow its whispers.
Now, what steps can you commit to taking this week to follow your heart and do more of the things you love in life?
