“For a long time I felt like life was about to begin – real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something that needed to be done first, something undone, some time yet to be completed, or something that needed to be repaid. Debt. And then life started. Finally, I realized these obstacles were my life.~Alfred D. Sousa
I recently discovered an old photo album from when I was in my twenties. All these pieces of my life at the time – going out clubbing, those harsh Canadian winters, walking in the back fields with my dog, hanging out on my college campus, watching live music at my favorite outdoor festival. I remember it all so clearly.
It felt like that time in my life would never end. It goes on like this forever. I remember always longing for something bigger and better than little old Ottawa. Shouldn’t life be cooler and more exciting?
Everyone told me that my twenties would be the best years of my life. I felt a lot of pressure to live up to these expectations. Now here I am, staring at these photos with the perspective of many years.
Since then I have lived in two different countries and traveled to countless others. I am married with two children. Now it’s all just a memory, neatly contained in a heavy photo album. It reminded me of the quote above and what I was always waiting for in those days. One thing that makes life exciting. But that’s it – life is happening, even while you’re waiting.
It reminds me of where I am now. Deep in the abyss of motherhood, severely sleep deprived. I felt a twinge of guilt that I wasn’t enjoying every minute of it. Everyone told me I had to do it; it was over too quickly. Social media buzz: Enjoy every minute! You only have X number of summers left before your kids move out!
Looking at the photos of this moment, I can already see myself many years from now. The days now pass like thick mud. When my baby learned to clap, sit up without support, and crawl around looking for every crumb on the floor.
These are the days when my child puts together words to express her growing number of feelings. There’s something new every day.
Showers are a luxury these days. When I woke up I felt jet lagged, like I was on a flight forever and never arrived anywhere.
Those were the days when I once again pushed myself beyond my limits. And then again. These days, when I find myself falling into the trap of wishing things would be easier, Then I can really enjoy it.
Then I remembered this was normal. It’s normal to want things to be different when they’re having a hard time. It is normal to have comparisons. In this highly saturated digital and addictive world, it’s normal to have so many feelings.
Not every day is amazing. Not for anyone on earth. Despite what social media shows us. Maybe we shouldn’t be told that we need to enjoy every minute of motherhood, or every minute of youth, or whatever, maybe we should be doing the opposite Tell the other person to be present as much as possible. Become full participants in our lives. Whether it’s good or bad, annoying or mediocre, or not quite living up to our expectations in some way.
Perhaps the best thing to do is to make a habit of showing up and giving your full attention to that moment. Practice accepting that this is your life now. Even if it’s just for a moment.
I say practice because I don’t think it’s possible to be fully present all the time. Of course, there are times when we need to unconsciously look for our phones to distract ourselves. Of course, on hard days, we long for weekends, vacations, or an escape from mundane life. In these moments, it’s equally important to practice forgiveness no Always enjoy everything. To be human.
It is important to always remind yourself that there is no destination in sight. Our only destination is death. Or old age, if we’re lucky.
For most of us, life is a series of ordinary moments strung together. The more time we spend chasing the extraordinary, the more we miss what’s right in front of us.
So, here’s a reminder Stop waiting for something to happen for you to enjoy life. Wherever you are on your journey, may you be present with all your heart.
About Kimberley Hetherington
Kimberly Hetherington is a Canadian writer and art therapist living in Sydney, Australia. She enjoys writing, reading, creating, listening to podcasts, being in nature, and experiencing conversations that transcend the “mask” of everyday life. Visit her website to learn more about her journey from grief and loss to hope and self-discovery.
