“In the middle of winter, I finally knew that there was an invincible summer in me.” ~Albert Camus
Life has a way of throwing curveballs at us when we least expect it.
After years of dealing with life’s common ups and downs, I was suddenly blindsided by a diagnosis that would forever change the way I lived my life: psoriatic arthritis. This is one of those diseases that most people don’t know much about because it doesn’t always show up on the outside. I looked fine but felt like I was on fire inside. The pain is constant, like an unwelcome guest that refuses to leave, compounded by the invisibility of it all.
Every morning I wake up to the oncoming pain like a familiar foe. Simple tasks like getting out of bed or opening a jar become monumental feats. My energy levels are spotty; some days I can barely get through an entire afternoon without lying down. It was like my body had declared war on itself and I was caught in the crossfire.
burden of silence
One of the most difficult parts of living with an invisible illness is the feeling of isolation that comes with it. People around you can’t see what you’re going through. They see you smiling and trying to look normal, and they assume you’re okay. But a storm was brewing inside.
I didn’t want to be seen as weak or someone who was always complaining, so I acted brave. I endured the pain, ignored my body’s pleas for rest, and pretended everything was fine.
But the truth is, I’m struggling. I felt like I was on a sinking ship, frantically trying to scoop the water out with a teacup. The pain and fatigue were unrelenting, and the emotional toll was even greater. I found myself withdrawing from social events, avoiding conversations, and slowly retreating into my own world. The vibrant, energetic person I once was seems like a distant memory.
The Turning Point: Embracing Vulnerability
One day, I reached my breaking point. The severe pain made my whole body feel like it was on fire, and I could no longer maintain superficial strength. I realized I couldn’t do this alone anymore. I need help. So I decided to open up to my family and friends and talk about what I was going through. This was one of the hardest things I have ever done – admitting that I was struggling and needed support.
To my surprise, my vulnerability was met with compassion and understanding. Sharing my pain didn’t make me weaker; It makes me stronger. It allowed me to let go of the weight I had been carrying and made room for love and support to come into my life. My loved ones rallied around me and helped in practical ways—whether it was preparing meals, helping with chores, or just listening when I needed to vent.
Looking for the new normal
With the support of those around me, I began to explore my new reality. I learned to listen to my body and respect its needs. I started meditating and practicing mindfulness, which helped me find a sense of calm amidst the chaos.
I realized that while I couldn’t control my illness, I could control my response to it. I shifted my focus from what I had lost to what I still had—a loving family, the ability to write, and a strong desire to help others.
I also started exploring alternative therapies. Meditation became a daily practice that allowed me to find a quiet place within myself, away from pain. On days when the pain is unbearable, I meditate, focusing on my breathing, releasing tension in my body, and imagining myself surrounded by healing light. This practice did not eliminate the pain, but it gave me the strength to endure it.
Lessons Learned: Find Light in Darkness
1. Embrace vulnerability.
Opening up about my struggles was a turning point for me. It’s okay to ask for help. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you weak; it makes you human. Allowing others to see your pain can create deep and meaningful connections.
2. Listen to your body.
For years, I ignored my body’s cries for help and fought through pain and fatigue. Since then, I’ve learned the importance of listening to my body and meeting its needs. Rest when needed. take a break. It’s not because of laziness; It’s about being kind to yourself.
3. Find your anchor point.
Life with chronic illness is unpredictable. Having something you can hold on to—whether it’s a hobby, a spiritual practice, or a passion—can provide a sense of stability. Writing has always been my anchor and my way of processing the world around me. Finding something that brings you joy and peace can be your lifeline during difficult times.
4. Focus on what you can control.
Living with an invisible disease can make you feel powerless. I learned to focus on the things I could control—my attitude, my response to pain, and how I treated myself. By focusing on the things I could control, I found a feeling of empowerment.
5. Be kind to yourself.
Living with a chronic illness is difficult. Sometimes you feel like you can’t go on. On those days, remember to be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with the same compassion you would treat your friends. You’ve tried your best and that’s enough.
Move forward gracefully and tenaciously
Living with psoriatic arthritis has taught me more about myself than I ever thought possible. It taught me the power of resilience, patience, and vulnerability. It showed me that I am stronger than I thought. While the pain was still there, I found a way to live with it, finding moments of joy and peace amidst the struggle.
For anyone reading this who is struggling with an invisible illness of their own, know that you are not alone. There is always light in the darkness, even though it is sometimes hard to see. Hold on to hope. Ask for support. Remember, you are more powerful than you think.
About Schubel John Baptiste
Shubelle John Baptiste promotes a holistic approach to well-being that includes physical health, emotional resilience, and spiritual depth. She provides readers with practical tools and insights to help them live more fulfilling, mindful lives. Despite having autism, Schubel faced challenges learning in a cookie-cutter environment, but she earned a business degree. She has extensive experience writing, teaching, and creating digital content that supports personal growth and spiritual development. Learn more in the Belle of the Light books.
