How Grief Camp Helps Children Heal

Two years later, their mother enrolled them in Camp Comfort Zone, a nonprofit bereavement camp for bereaved children. The organization offers weekend summer camps for children affected by various types of loss, including some specifically designed for children affected by suicide, such as the one Aquilinos attended.

The sisters had attended other grief camps that hadn’t worked for them, so they were skeptical about their first weekend at Comfort Zone, about a two-hour drive from their hometown of Marlton, New Jersey.

Grief and death are often considered taboo topics, especially when it comes to suicide or homicide, according to research published in the journal sociology of health and illness. The bereavement of this type of death can be even more isolating because many people, especially those not directly affected, are reluctant to talk about the circumstances of the death, or even the deceased.

The Aquilino sisters didn’t talk about their grief and emotions until they attended camp and found themselves surrounded by people who shared their experiences.

“I didn’t like people. I was afraid of meeting new people. But over time I learned that other kids had the same story, and I even met adults who had been through the same thing, and it was eye-opening. I am not alone in this journey,” Addison said. wealth.

The sisters, now 18 and 19 years old respectively, have returned to their comfort zone every year since 2016 to care for their fellow campers and volunteer families.

“I made friends that I still talk to every day,” Addison said.

“People in the camp are like immediate family. The connection between us is deeper.

Jocelyn and Addison Aquilino

What is Grief Camp?

Bereavement camps have been around since the 1980s but grew in popularity in the 1990s and early 2000s. The need for grief camps has increased since the COVID-19 pandemic.

According to statistics, waitlists at some camps have increased by 100% since the COVID-19 pandemic began, and approximately 43,000 American children have lost a parent to Covid. Journal of the American Medical Association. Experts say the pandemic has also increased deaths from other causes, including opioid abuse and diabetes.

Approximately 6 million children in the United States will experience the death of a parent or sibling by the age of 18.

in book Bereavement Camp for Children and YouthResearchers believe bereavement camps can reduce traumatic grief and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) symptoms, including denial, irritability and persistent intense fear or sadness in children after losing a parent.

Although there are different types of grief camps, they all have a similar goal of helping children process their grief while still allowing them to be children.

Mary FitzGerald, CEO of Eluna, said: “Grief is undoubtedly challenging as an adult, and for children it can be a difficult concept to understand because it is a A process without an end point.

Eluna was co-founded in 2000 by former MLB pitcher Jamie Moyer and children’s advocate Karen Phelps Moyer. In 2002, Eluna founded Camp Erin, the largest free bereavement program for children and youth in the United States and Canada, with locations in every Major League Baseball city.

“We invite children to express themselves because they know it’s okay to smile, laugh and be a kid when they’re sad,” Fitzgerald said.

Children have a hard time dealing with heavy emotions over long periods of time, which is why camps are structured to provide fun activities and opportunities to process grief.

Comfort Zone Camp was founded in 1998 by Lynne Hughes, who wanted to provide a place for children to share their grief and avoid the taboo of talking about it.

“Our society doesn’t really talk about grief, so it’s a closed topic and they’ve been conditioned not to bring it up because it makes other people uncomfortable,” she told wealth.

When Hughes was nine, her mother died unexpectedly, followed three years later by her father.

Even as a child, Hughes said she had to make sure others felt comfortable hearing the news of her death, even though it was her. Even when people said she could discuss it, it always felt uncomfortable to talk about it.

Despite her circumstances, Hughes tried to live a normal childhood and did what many young girls do: attend summer camp. From the age of nine, Hughes was drawn to camping. She said she loved being a camper and interacting with the “cool camp counselors.” As Hughes grew up, she pursued the sense of community and support she found at camp.

In college, she became a camp counselor at a co-ed summer camp in the Poconos—where she met her husband—and continued to live the camp life into early adulthood.

Hughes and her husband thought about what they wanted to do “when they grew up,” and often wished they could return to camp, where they met and which gave them a sense of community.

“I was acutely aware that there were no resources [to help with grief] When I was growing up, many years later, there still wasn’t,” Hughes said. “So I combined my love of camp with an unmet need in society, and Comfort Zone was born.”

What happens at Grief Camp?

Hughes said the comfort zone has all the usual camp elements like s’mores, swimming, challenge courses, kayaking, arts and crafts, sing-alongs and campfires. But in between these activities, campers can also gain coping skills and time to reflect on and share their loved ones and grief, if they choose.

comfort zone camp

Licensed therapists lead so-called therapy circles or small grief support groups in comfort zones. In therapy circles, campers have the opportunity to tell their stories or introduce their loved ones with photos or memories.

Younger campers, or “buddies,” are paired with older, more experienced campers (called “big buddies”) to help guide them through the experience and become someone they can rely on. Friends are matched based on personality before camp and often meet by phone before arriving at camp.

Jocelyn has had the same best friend for five years.

“Whenever I call her, she answers. She texted me on the anniversary of my dad’s death. I know that even though I’m no longer her little buddy and I’m an adult now, I still have this connection with her that I don’t have with anyone else,” she said.

Campers also participate in the “Memorial Circle” ceremony held by the comfort zone, writing notes to deceased loved ones and throwing them into the campfire.

“We talk about smoke sending messages to their loved ones. Sometimes it’s really emotional for the kids because in terms of fire safety and the safety of this community, they can cry if they need to,” Hughes said .

On the last day of camp, parents come to pick up their children and everyone attends a memorial service where campers pay tribute to their loved ones. Hughes said some choose to sing their loved one’s favorite song, or read a poem, or tell their late parent’s favorite joke — jokes that some young campers may not fully understand, but parents and Older kids will definitely understand.

Hughes said many campers showed up with “invisible backpacks full of rocks” like they were carrying something heavy because “unexpressed grief isn’t going anywhere.” After telling their stories and After sharing what makes them comfortable, Hughes said the difference between them is like night and day.

“They become lighter and brighter, almost like the rocks in their backpack fell off and were dumped,” Hughes said.

“When they see their children again [on the last day of camp]Many parents ask, “What did you do?” This was the first time I saw a real smile.

Parents also learn strategies used at camp so they can reinforce and help their children continue the recovery process at home.

“The real emotion happens after camp is over and you just need time to decompress and get back into the real world instead of being in a little bubble of sadness,” Addison said.

Addison and Jocelyn Aquilino

A “special place” where you won’t feel lonely

Sometimes, Hughes said, kids’ biggest accomplishment isn’t even going to camp, but having to get away.

“We end up explaining to parents that this is an uplifting place where everyone is friendly and you almost have to prepare them for the disappointment of going back and interacting with people who don’t understand that,” Hughes said.

So, Hughes said, they emphasize the importance of maintaining relationships with friends year-round and remind campers they can return to camp at any time.

This year was the first time Jocelyn was a Big Partner, mentoring a new camper for an entire weekend.

“It was so satisfying to finally be able to be a supporter of someone and meet this little girl who had been through so much but was still happy to see me and come to camp,” Jocelyn said.

It’s important for people of all ages, but especially young children, to have someone with whom they feel comfortable enough to share their emotions and talk about their grief, especially someone who understands. For many kids, this happens at camp.

“Because grief doesn’t go away, and children, like adults, can feel grief again throughout their lives, it’s important to learn how to incorporate grief into our lives rather than avoid it,” Fitzgerald said.

“Making new friends and having some fun at camp can help children deal with their grief and not shame the deceased.”

The Aquilinos said they have no plans to stop participating in Comfort Zone activities, especially since they can volunteer at any age. To them, this place is bigger than the camp.

“This is our special place. Once you get there, you’re part of the family. It’s a timeless thing,” Addison said.