“Recovery is about using our power to change beliefs based on faulty data.” ~Kevin McCormick
From a young age, I struggled with my disconnection. I was born a free person, full of curiosity and interest in many things. I’m also very shy and sensitive. I’m not someone who’s put in a box or expected to conform to norms. That’s not me. I need to be accepted and supported for who I am.
Instead, my well-meaning parents tried to “tame” me, especially my father. I suffered severe emotional abuse from him and was told multiple times that I was no good, that I would never get ahead, that I was stupid, and many other negative things. Because of his actions, I rebelled in every way.
Unfortunately, I believed everything he told me and for years I struggled with the feeling that I wasn’t good enough and didn’t deserve to do anything good. I honestly thought there was something wrong with me. I try to be and do what people expect, but that’s not who I am. Frankly, I don’t know who I am.
At fifteen, I discovered drugs and alcohol. Using medication helped me get out of myself and my pain, numb all my feelings and check them out. I developed some beliefs about myself that were simply not true, and I continued to live with the false belief that I wasn’t good enough.
Well, as you can imagine, this didn’t work out well for me. This seemed like a good solution at first, or so I thought, since I didn’t have to feel, but things continued to spiral out of control.
The men I chose didn’t always treat me well, and I didn’t live up to my potential because I didn’t believe I deserved anything good or was good enough or smart enough to do anything great in my life things.
I had to work very hard to overcome my addiction and then heal my life. I spent a lot of time in therapy and life coaching to help me heal and accept myself. I had to work on understanding my “real” self and learning how to like myself and then love myself, which meant working on changing the beliefs that were stored in my subconscious mind without my even realizing it.
Someone once asked me why I was doing drugs and alcohol and I told him I didn’t like who I thought I was, which was true, but I wasn’t true to my thoughts and beliefs about myself.
As I progressed in the work and learning I did with myself, I learned that my ideas and beliefs were not set in stone, they were likely the beliefs of others, beliefs that I heard as a child and considered to be my own. When I realized that I could make my own decisions about what thoughts I wanted to think and therefore what beliefs I chose to live by—that I could make my own rules—well, that was an eye-opener and a game-changer.
I stopped using drugs, alcohol and cigarettes. I went back to school to expand my knowledge, get a degree to become a drug and alcohol counselor, and focus on understanding the root causes of addiction. Drugs and alcohol were just a way to avoid falling into deeper issues and heal my entire self.
Today, I can honestly say that I have a healthy relationship with myself. Will this be an easy journey for me? No, it takes hard work and perseverance. I worked with a recovering counselor, attended AA meetings, and completed the Twelve Steps of the program, which I still use today. Then I discovered life coaching and hired a coach, which is how I learned to examine and identify my beliefs about myself.
At first, I was afraid to look at myself and my life. I was worried I wouldn’t like what was in it. But when I started to see things unfold and understand that my thoughts and feelings stemmed from a faulty belief system that I had developed at a young age, it helped me put things into perspective.
I have come to enjoy the journey of learning about myself and continue to learn and grow every day. I became curious and began to identify and create my own belief system. I learned to pay attention to my thoughts and feelings.
Today, I have tools to support me on my journey such as gratitude, focusing on my goals, identifying fear-based thoughts, understanding my triggers, connecting with my higher self, practicing self-love and self-care, journaling, and living In the moment. I have learned to appreciate each day and have the greatest gratitude for everything I have experienced because my life experiences have led me to where I am today.
I continue to learn every day because there is so much more to learn. After all, we are all here on this earth to learn, experience life, and grow.
If you’re also struggling with addiction, practice self-awareness around your struggles so you can get to the root of the problem. I love this quote: “Life happens for us, not for us.”
When you are able to look at situations objectively and curiously, you are better equipped to make good, healthy decisions instead of judging yourself harshly. That’s how we heal—compassionate about ourselves and what we’re going through, and supporting ourselves every step of the way.
About Elaine Morgan
Elaine Morgan is a certified holistic life coach and EME (emotions, thoughts and energy) practitioner. She holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology, a master’s degree in behavioral health, and more than twenty years of experience as a counselor and coach. She loves helping people heal their sense of self and learn to live their best life. If you need support in discovering what you want out of life and how to get there, please contact her at emorgan.bethechange@gmail.com.
