“The only way out is through.” ~Robert Frost
When I look back on the last fifteen years of my life, I sometimes joke about the lengths I went to to alleviate the pain I endured. “What haven’t I struggled with yet?” I’d say with a laugh, but underneath the humor is a true story about pain, burnout, and learning a little to rebuild yourself.
Before I hit my thirties, I faced chronic pain, anxiety, emotional abuse, two burnouts, long-term COVID, and emotional eating. It’s been a long journey, and while I still have days where I’m not as happy as I’d like, I’m making progress every day.
I was born and raised in the Netherlands, in my birth home to be exact. I’m twenty-seven now and have spent most of my life in the same place.
Growing up, I had a so-called “normal” childhood until I was twelve years old when I began to experience chronic pain—a persistent burning sensation in my abdomen that no doctor could initially explain. Over the years, I have struggled with not wanting to be someone people pitied or labeled as “sick.”
The pain was eventually diagnosed as ACNES (Anterior Cutaneous Nerve Entrapment Syndrome), a condition where a nerve in my stomach gets trapped, causing me constant pain. It remained a mystery for years until, almost like a miracle, the injection finally put me into remission when I was seventeen. While this should be a breakthrough, the universe has other plans.
Around the same time, I had been in an unhealthy relationship since I was fourteen, which triggered severe anxiety and panic attacks. This boy who was once my best friend slowly turned into someone who gave me anxiety, often getting me into trouble when I needed support the most.
By the time I was nineteen, I was completely burned out. My anxiety is overwhelming. I was juggling a full-time internship and school while trying to please a boyfriend who didn’t understand or care about his emotional needs. My body gave in. It felt like a huge failure, especially since all my friends had left me and moved on.
At my lowest moments, I often wondered if I could go on. I cried endlessly, I felt isolated, and I was consumed by anxiety. My parents were my lifeline, but even they couldn’t quite pull me out of the emotional abyss.
I stayed in this relationship for years, convinced that my unhappiness was somehow my fault. But eventually, I became numb to the chaos. When we finally broke up, I felt a relief I had never felt before.
However, the struggle did not end there. I managed to get a degree in Human Resources and even found a job that I loved. Then ACNES came back with a vengeance.
For two years I was mostly bedridden, unable to work, exercise or socialize. I turned to food for comfort, which led to weight gain and further eroded my self-esteem. Just when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, I contracted COVID-19 at the end of 2020.
But in the midst of it all, there was a turning point. About two years ago, I had a breakdown during a particularly bad throat infection. I couldn’t bear the pain anymore. As I cried, it dawned on me: I couldn’t control what happened to me, but I could control my reaction.
That moment triggered a change in me. I started taking small steps to regain control of my life, starting with my mindset.
I started reading more about mindset and habit change. similar books Atomic Habits Author: James Clear and Good mood, good life The authors of Vex King helped me realize that I have the power to shape my own reality through my thoughts and actions.
I sought therapy and began working with a therapist who emphasized that I was the only person responsible for my happiness.
I started making conscious decisions to take care of myself, even in small ways.
I also started implementing routines that helped stabilize me. Every morning, I get up at the same time, make my bed, do some simple skin care, and write in my journal. It sounds simple, but these little habits help me feel more in control, even when my health is unpredictable.
That said, I’m not advocating any one-size-fits-all solution here. When my anxiety was at its worst, I tried antidepressants, which was a good decision for me at the time. But what works for one person may not work for someone else. The key is to stay open to your options and trust your instincts.
Long term COVID, acne, and anxiety are still a part of my life, and I’m still trying to lose the weight I gained during those difficult times. But I’m learning to be kind to myself and take things one step at a time. I learned that there are no quick fixes to deep-rooted pain, physical or emotional, but there are ways to make life more manageable.
One of the most important lessons I’ve learned is the value of self-worth. For years, I didn’t believe I deserved anything better than what I had, whether it was in relationships, my career, or the way I treated myself. I have to remind myself every day that I am worthy of love, respect, and happiness. I use affirmations on sticky notes, mood boards, even as my phone background—anything to remind me of my worth when I’m feeling low.
I also learned to prioritize rest and recognize when I need it. Especially with COVID being here for a long time, I have to listen to my body and respect its limits. I created a list of small, manageable tasks that I could do when I was low on energy, like organizing my drawers or cleaning my room. These small gestures make me feel productive, even on days when I can’t do much.
It’s also worth mentioning that having a solid support system can make all the difference. I’m lucky to have very supportive parents and two close friends who I can open up to without fear of judgment. Sharing my struggles with them was healing in itself, although I was still hesitant to be vulnerable in front of others.
If I could give you one piece of advice, it would be this: You are your greatest advocate. You are responsible for your own well-being, which means setting boundaries, prioritizing your physical and mental health, and not settling for less than you deserve. You deserve the effort to take good care of yourself.
As I continued to rebuild my life, I began sharing more of my experiences online through my personal growth website. I was once hesitant to be so open, but now I see the value in sharing my story. If my journey can help one person feel less alone or inspire them to take action in their own life, then it was worth it.
Ultimately, life always throws challenges at us. We can’t control everything, but we can control how we respond. Sometimes, that’s enough.
About Simone de Vlamin
Simone is a beauty lover and personal growth enthusiast from the Netherlands. When she’s not working on her personal growth website, We Mind Growth, she can be found spending time with her beloved Shih Tzu, Bailey, or enjoying a cozy evening with a good book. Follow her journey on Instagram @wemindgrowth.
