“Grief is the price we pay for love.” ~Queen Elizabeth II
Losing a loved one is never easy, and when a loved one becomes a parent, the pain can feel overwhelming.
Last August, I faced one of the most challenging moments of my life: my father, my rock and confidant, passed away after a courageous battle with cancer.
As an immigrant, I have a unique and deep connection with my father. In the new world, we rely on each other for support, trust and guidance. His wisdom has shaped my life and his strength inspires me every day. This is my story about grief, healing, and the steps I took to cope with this profound loss.
Allow natural time to grieve
Grief is not a linear process; it ebbs and flows and needs to be felt in its own time.
My father spent his last days in hospice with my mother and I by his side. It breaks my heart to watch him in pain as the strongest man I know slips away. I cried more in the last week than I have in my entire adult life.
His death brought a mixture of feelings – knowing they no longer suffered – but also a sense of numbness. In the weeks and months that followed, I allowed myself to feel it all: doubt, anger, guilt, and regret. Every emotion comes naturally and I let them flow. It is crucial to embrace these feelings rather than suppress them as they are a key part of the healing process.
Prioritize self-care
All my life I have been a caregiver, always making sure everyone else was okay. This trip made me realize that I can’t keep pouring from an empty glass.
I slow down, take some time off, and focus on self-care. I rediscovered activities that nourished my body, mind, and soul. Journaling became a form of therapy, and gratitude changed my perspective. I indulged in spa treatments, kickboxing and dancing, drank lots of water, and tried meditation.
Staying connected to nature, reading for pleasure, exploring Greek and Roman mythology, and making new friends will all bring joy and a sense of renewal. Learning a new language has also become a way to stimulate my mind and create new memories.
Ask for help
Asking for help can be daunting, but it is an important part of recovery.
I signed up for a digital wellness program that offered coaching and connection with friends who had experienced similar losses. While I’m not ready to talk to a therapist yet, it’s something I plan to pursue in the near future. My supportive mother (who also struggled through grief) taught me the power of vulnerability and the importance of accepting help from others.
keep busy
Staying busy became a way to positively channel my energy and emotions. I met new clients, took new classes, moved to a new city, made new professional and personal relationships, and even started a new business.
Challenging myself professionally and personally has helped me step out of my comfort zone while remaining gentle with myself. Understanding the finite nature of life allowed me to let go of social expectations and focus on building meaningful relationships and pursuing goals that truly resonated with me.
Thank you for the road we have traveled together
Most of all, I am deeply grateful for the journey I have been on with my dad. Not all families are as close as ours, and the connection we have is a true gift.
My father’s resilience, strength, and street smarts have left an indelible mark on my life. He taught me to be cautious yet strong, resilient yet empathetic. His legacy lives on through the lessons he taught and the love he gave.
Grief is a complex, multifaceted experience, but it is also a testament to the depth of our love and humanity. As I continue my healing journey, I carry my father’s wisdom and strength with me, knowing that he will always be a part of me.
About Chen Gong
Christine Chen is an entrepreneur, product leader, and community builder with a passion for art, history, and culinary adventure. She aspires to one day travel to all seven continents. You can contact her at christinechen2007@gmail.com.
