“New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings.” ~Lao Tzu
Spending a beautiful day on a calm sea can feel like a spiritual experience that convinces your senses that this is how life should always be.
My family life has been smooth sailing for many years. My husband and I are dedicated to our family and our responsibilities of building and running our business, leaving little time for anything else. Gradually, the weather changed and we found ourselves plunged into the unknown, turbulent waters of divorce.
I was unprepared for the price this would take. My anxiety causes me to lose weight, and when I feel hypoglycemic, it’s my body’s reminder to nourish myself. I worried about what life would be like for me and my three daughters and wished the best for my husband, even though we decided we couldn’t be together.
Living apart, we gradually learned how to do some of the things we depended on each other for, such as financial management, cooking, DIY home repairs, etc. chain reaction.
When you lose friends and family to divorce or estrangement, you may question your worth and develop self-doubt.
Years pass and life goes on.
Eventually, we both remarried, and a few years later my new husband, Bill, was told he had throat cancer. His treatments dulled his hard-earned military physique.
During this time, as his caregiver, I was also preparing to take my board exams to practice my profession, and I worked as a science teacher at another school to help make ends meet. The days were incredibly long and difficult for both of us.
That year, my father was diagnosed with cancer, which further devastated our family. His treatment was equally brutal on his body. Ultimately, Bill lost his heroic battle with cancer, and so did my father over the next seven months, resulting in two funerals in one year.
Physically, I was exhausted and had gained unhealthy amounts of weight. Whenever I eat, I get gastrointestinal pain, so I lose the pleasure of eating. I had constant headaches and my energy was so depleted from lack of sleep that working every day was a burden, not to mention having to move and downsize again.
I had very little support and it was at this point that I felt truly heartbroken.
In the midst of my “brokenness,” I recalled a conversation I had with a pastor friend who reminded me that life has seasons: the spring of childhood, the summer of youth, the fall of adulthood, and the winter of death. Many aspects of life can be viewed this way. After listening, I discovered the truth of his words and felt strangely at peace.
I came to understand the saying “if you hit rock bottom, the only way up” because I hit those rocks so hard. I desperately needed to regain the physical, mental and emotional health that had been testing me and my family over the years.
My sympathetic nervous system switch never goes off. I realized I had to change this before I gave up control of my health and well-being, which I had always valued but taken for granted.
Here’s what I discovered in the midst of loss and fear, along with some pearls of resilient living.
1. Submission process.
Let them flow through your body and feel the depth of your feelings.
When you are at a tipping point, on the threshold of change, you naturally have many strong feelings and feelings that you may be resisting—sadness about the loss of a loved one or a relationship, fear about the future, Anger about the future You’re in, frustrated with your body, or in denial about your new reality.
Feel your feelings and write them down to process them or communicate them to someone you trust. This is how you begin to heal. Far better than suffering in silence is to be honest with yourself about the feelings associated with the complexity of the process.
Belittling yourself or numbing your feelings invalidates the depth and breadth of your experience.
If possible, consider reframing a sad or difficult experience to approach it in a positive way.
I may be divorced, but my girls are the best part of my life. I wouldn’t have them if it weren’t for my previous marriage. Additionally, downsizing to a smaller home has improved my financial situation. I initially declined it, but in the long run it made my responsibilities and financial commitments more manageable.
Suffering any form of loss or difficulty is never easy and can be heartbreaking. Recognize where you are, go with your emotions with self-compassion and non-judgment, and if possible, be open to redirecting negative outcomes into positive ones.
2. Don’t think wildly when looking in the rearview mirror.
This is so Tempting.
When we want our personal losses, challenges, and difficulties to have meaning, it’s easy to fall into the default mode of looking back.
If you need to accept life as it is, even if it causes you pain, practice radical acceptance.
When I learned about radical acceptance, it felt so unnatural that I probably had to talk myself into it. But I realized, to be at peace, that I can’t control everything in my life. season.
Additionally, bringing gratitude into your daily life is a valuable and underutilized tool for focusing on the good. When we make a few reasons to be grateful a daily habit, we change our mindset to support our happiness.
Accumulating what has happened to you in the past and focusing it on today can create an unnecessary, overwhelming burden. The past cannot be changed and the future cannot be predicted, but we can choose to accept the present.
This will lessen your pain and tendency to look in the mirror.
3. Meet your physical, mental and emotional needs.
Chronic stress can have profound, long-lasting effects on our hormones, cardiovascular system, gut health, musculoskeletal system, immune health, and all other functions and body systems.
There is no reason to ignore or minimize your needs; now is the time to go the extra mile to meet your needs. Listening to your body can greatly improve your ability to handle and recover from stress.
When caught in a stress cycle, careful self-care is even more important to prevent unhealthy habits from forming. Eating nutritious meals, taking walks in nature, practicing consistent sleep hygiene, or spending time with friends or family who love and support you are all effective self-care practices for reducing stress and managing anxiety.
According to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, if you don’t meet your basic physiological needs first, you won’t be able to experience the full potential that life has to offer. When you meet these needs, you can move through your life experiences more fully, possess and attract love for you, develop deep connections, and increase your confidence, self-esteem, and full potential despite life’s setbacks .
It’s easy to become more instinctive than controlling, and this oversight is not uncommon for people who are stressed out.
When I reset my self-care routine, my health and well-being improved, as evidenced by improved blood test results, weight loss, easier digestion, and increased energy levels. I gained a new sense of purpose in my work; later in my life, love found me.
When you meet your own physical, mental, and emotional needs, you can also better respect the needs of others.
4. Create a route that meets your life needs at the time.
Decide what needs to be done to meet important needs. By successfully meeting some of your smaller needs, you can more easily prepare for your larger goals. This way, you develop an adaptable and increasingly positive mindset.
Consider small gains as you go.
As part of my therapy and stress management, I know I can accomplish what I have to do by taking small, manageable, and incremental steps. After a period of tremendous loss, it was hard for me to imagine the big picture of a full, healing life, but eventually, things changed.
Once a day, once a week, once a month, and now it’s a few years later.
Keeping an open mind and building an optimistic attitude will naturally strengthen and strengthen your resilience muscles.
So celebrate the small gains in your life. They naturally lead to more small successes, which builds the confidence to plan for bigger successes.
5. Life happens, and when it does, develop a surfer mentality even if you’re afraid of waves.
When the wind changes direction, the sailor must trim the sails to adjust for the wind and use it to his advantage. Even on a given day, the wind and waves don’t stay the same. Sailors hone their skills in letting wind and waves support their intended direction.
Life is never the same. Things keep changing. When they do, step back, breathe, and ask yourself what is the best next step in taking care of yourself and moving forward in this moment.
Through resilience, you can learn and grow by overcoming challenges and setbacks, allowing you to more easily heal and accept the dynamic nature of life, and in the face of uncertainty, you can be confident and joyful in the mystery of the present and the future. live more fully.
Resilience is a trait that is not acquired through a life of ease. Rather, it is a testimony to the experience of going through difficulties and challenges and, despite it all, feeling whole.
About Deborah Leible
Deborah Leible is a certified holistic and integrative nutritional health coach with over thirty years of chiropractor healthcare experience. Passionate about helping other women overcome personal obstacles, she coaches overwhelmed moms on how to manage stress, eliminate intestinal pain naturally, and lose unhealthy weight while increasing energy and happiness. Please visit https://www.resilient360.net for free resources.
