“Confidence is not always right, but because of not being afraid of mistakes.” ~ Peter T. McIntyre
I used to see faith as something external, people in their body language, the way they speak, or the certainty of their decisions.
For me, a confident person has a poker face and a solid, rooted pose. I think faith is something you cultivate through endless exercises – train yourself to say with confidence and decisiveness, even if you don’t feel it in it, you can predict certainty.
But I have learned that true self-confidence comes from within, and I fully accept Stephen Batchelor’s definition: “Confidence is trust in our ability to awaken. We have the courage to face our lives and everything we have without losing our sense of peace and humility to encounter every situation we encounter, and we can learn from it.”
This is not arrogance or blind faith in our ability; it is a quiet trust in our inner wisdom, a firm belief that we can navigate any gift of life even if the path forward is unclear.
I didn’t easily get this understanding. One of the hardest times of my life has uncovered the power of my heart, hidden under the levels of conditioning, fear and uncertainty.
In a feeling of heartbreak, loss, and total collapse, I learned to sit emotionally, leave room for them and believe that they are not my enemies, but my guide.
When everything crashes
There was a time when I thought everything must have suddenly collapsed. I built the foundation of life – the plan, the expectation, the identity I made – has disappeared. Apart from my own ability to endure, I found that I did not have a solid persistence. Sometimes it even feels vulnerable.
In those days, I was not the self-confidence I actively sought. Actually, I just want to solve every moment. I spend an hour every day. I seek support for those around me who have space for me with compassion. I turned inward, looking for any light in the darkness. Sometimes I find it. At other times it feels like I’m shoveling more soil on it, burying the soil deeper.
This is not a linear process. Recovery will never be done. Sometimes, I feel strong and capable. Others, I feel overwhelmed by sadness, sadness and suspicion. But slowly, without realizing it at first, I was building something. I am learning to believe in myself. I learned that even in the most painful moments, I could survive. And not just survive; I can learn from them, grow through them, and get stronger on the other side.
Sit discomfort: The Road to Trust
I have been meditating, reading and reflecting for years, but my practice has had different meanings during this time. It’s no longer about finding peace, being clear or becoming a better person. It’s about learning discomfort without trying to fix it. Sometimes (most!) my meditation feels calm. Instead of feeling still or reassured, I felt uneasy, excited, and even lost.
But then I didn’t realize that I was doing the job. Meditation is not about achieving a state of happiness, but about developing the ability to appear with any appearance without escaping or pushing it away. The more I practice, the more I realize that the confidence I seek is not all the answers. It’s about believing that I can handle the unknown.
I began to understand that uncertainty is the only certainty in life. As Susan Jeffers wrote Embrace uncertainty“The only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is to go out and do it.” What I need is certainty about the future, but the ability to trust me to satisfy it with openness and resilience.
Confidence after pain
As time goes by, I realize that faith is not about knowing exactly what will happen next. It’s about knowing everything that happens, we have the power and inner resources to face it. Not only that – we have the ability Prosperous By it.
For me, true self-confidence comes from understanding impermanence, from realizing that everything changes, and knowing that I also have the ability to adapt and respond. It comes from compassion for me and others, suffering and appearing on the other end. It’s because realizing that I don’t need to figure out everything and be completely convinced of myself.
This confidence is not loud or gorgeous. It does not seek to verify or prove itself to others. It is quiet, deep and unshakable. It is our own back that we can live with life with our arms open, and even under uncertainty, we are always enough.
The light inside you is always there
If you are struggling right now and it feels like the ground below you is changing, I hope you know this: There is a strong light inside. Sometimes it may feel dim (maybe most of the time!), but it’s there. It has the wisdom, strength and love you need, not just survival, but full of depth and meaning.
Concepts such as confidence or inner strength may sound foreign now, but they form, accumulate and grow in quiet, invisible ways, and in the small moments of your own appearance, in the hidden efforts you make every day, you still hope.
True confidence is not about never feeling fear or doubt. If anything, these emotions are an important part of humanity. It is only because of fear and doubt that we can truly recognize the power of freedom and inner self-because what is darkness, but without light? By sitting with these emotions, allowing them, and creating space for them as much as possible, you start embracing your humanity.
Confidence is about moving forward, taking up space for it, and believing that your humanity has everything you can navigate even if you have struggled in this past. Knowing about the depths of the bones, no matter what life brings, there is a light inside you that illuminates – you just need to let it shine.
This is how your quiet, inner confidence moves you forward. Every experience is a gift – an opportunity to expand your wisdom to grow in ways you may not always notice, but it will always keep you moving forward.
About Gonzalez, Carolina
Carolina Gonzalez, Carolina is a certified mindfulness and meditation teacher based in Sydney, Australia, passionate about guiding the uncertainty of others through compassion and clarity. After experiencing her own journey of self-doubt and emotional exhaustion, she created Renewal and Rise: Your 90-day path to rediscovery, confidence and self-worth. She uses mindfulness and meditation practices to help people reconnect with their inner strength, develop self-worth, and be able to make consistent life choices. Sign up for her free six-minute calm and grounded meditation on Carolinagonzalezmindfulness.com.
