“The secret of human existence is not to survive, but to find the purpose of life.” ~ Fyodor Dostoevsky
In 2016, when I was in my last semester of college, I got my first paying job, working in a library as a kid‘Library Assistant. I remember the passion and sense of purpose I felt when I first took the job.The idea is that every day I‘Helping develop a love of reading in children is a rewarding career.
Reading supports children’s cognitive development. It enhances language skills and improves concentration. It encourages creativity and even fosters empathy as it introduces children to a world they didn’t know existed. Suffice it to say, this seemed like a career that would give me the purpose I was looking for when choosing a career path.
When I started working as a kid‘As an assistant, I feel a sense of purpose. The library where I work is huge.Children keep coming into beautiful children‘The room has high ceilings and many colorful bookshelves filled with books. I passionately try to help everyone find a book that sparks excitement and hopefully a love of reading.
I still have to run fun kids‘programs such as yoga classes, baking classes, and writing clubs. I host story time twice a week for babies. Seeing children enjoying these programs together, socializing, and viewing the library as a community place reinforces my sense of purpose. I’m doing something meaningful, something that benefits the community.
Over time, I knew my ultimate goal was to become a youth services librarian, not just an assistant. I know I can do my best in that position.I will be the one responsible for the kids‘and youth departments, as well as the books and programs offered by each department. I started applying for these positions until finally I got one.
I came into this job with a strong sense of purpose. I’m excited about all the possibilities these new responsibilities will bring. I’m ready to take the next step.
The first few months were great.
The library has no director. Instead, two employees serve as co-interim directors. The library is small. However, we get along well and help each other.
However, a new director was eventually hired and I quickly realized that we did not‘Good mesh. She was a micromanager and I felt like I was greatly restricted by her. She also follows her own agenda and even censors my published books to suit her own beliefs. This goes against the library system’s belief in intellectual freedom and is a huge red flag to me.
There were many days when I came home crying and my anxiety skyrocketed. I even passed out once at work due to the stress. I wanted to quit my job but knew I needed to find a new job first. I feel sick every day when I go to work. My sense of purpose in working with children in the library was disappearing.
One day in particular, this sense of mission collapsed. There is a kindergarten above the library, and the children plan to go to the library for storytelling.I remember feeling anxious about it because I‘I had never told a story to such a large group of children before. However, I’ve always felt that I’ve done a good job telling stories in the past, so I use this to ease my anxiety.
The kids came down and I gave it my all. I ended up reading to them and had a great time.Yes, they were a large group of people, but they seemed so involved in the story that I felt sure I‘d. Well done.
However, my boss saw it differently.She scolded me for story time, telling me I didn’t‘Don’t let kids participate at all. She then showed me a video she had taken while I was telling the story and started pointing out how she felt about me.‘d is not done well.
I can take constructive criticism, but what she did was not constructive at all.she didn’t‘I didn’t like my book choices, song choices, and interactions with my kids.Then she started belittling my personality and saying I‘I’m too quiet for this position.
I feel destroyed.some of me‘I used to feel like I had a great purpose in doing things, but I don’t feel that way anymore.I suddenly felt that I was not‘Not suitable for this job. I began to seriously doubt my abilities.
Eventually, I found a new job, again as a youth services librarian. I’m currently still in the job and things are improving. I have a fair director and there are times when I feel happy, such as when I run a fun and successful project or help a child find a book that interests them. However, the sense of purpose I once felt so often as an assistant is less common now.
For this reason, I decided to start looking for that sense of purpose elsewhere, such as hobbies outside of work, such as writing and art. When I do these things, it always evokes a sense of purpose in me. When I write or paint, I enter a flow state and feel a sense of purpose in the creative process.
My ultimate goal in writing and creating art is that when I’m done, I’ll have something unique and beautiful to share with the world. The idea of other people reading or seeing my work and relating to it gives me a reason to create. To me, life is about connection.
I‘I also found purpose in my relationships. Cultivating relationships is one of the most important things in my life. I have a great circle of family and friends, and enriching my relationships with them gives me purpose. Without human connection, life is lonely. The people closest to me in my life have helped shape who I am as a person. They challenge me to be the best version of myself.
For example, I have grown in so many ways since I met my husband, and it is important to me to cultivate our love because sharing my life with him gives it meaning. I also found purpose in being there for the people I love and supporting them when they need me.
My dogs also give me purpose. Taking care of her gives me a reason to get up in the morning. I needed to feed her, walk her, and most importantly, love her.
I have no idea‘I no longer feel the same purpose that I once felt at work.That‘Not talking about me‘Never feel this way again. As time goes on, hopefully it will come back.However, losing a sense of purpose at work taught me that goals are not‘It doesn’t just exist at work.
There are other forms of purpose outside of work, such as hobbies, family and friends, and pets. Purpose can come from many places. You just have to be willing to accept these different possibilities.
