“Wealth consists not in having large possessions, but in having few desires.” ~ Epictetus
I’m certainly not the only one who’s tired of constantly wanting things. By things, I mean a new job, a nice car, new clothes, a new home, maybe even a partner, more friends, more money, or a nicer vacation somewhere more luxurious.
It feels like we are forever stuck in a cycle of seeking the next bigger or better thing. Once we achieve one goal, yes, you guessed it, another bigger goal may be harder to achieve than the last one.
It seems like we always want more; nothing is ever enough.
At one point, I felt like I was truly lost trying to meet the expectations of society, peers, colleagues, and even strangers!
I’m tired of not getting what I want when I feel I want it, and tired of getting what I want but only enjoying it for a short time before I want the next big thing!
When will it end? When do we cross the other side? When will we achieve enlightenment?
I’m tired of constantly chasing things. Very tired, I have no energy.
I want to be able to afford my own life rather than sharing a flat or living with family. I want a partner who is loyal to me. I want my side hustle to make enough money to make it a full-time job. I want multiple vacations a year.
Eventually I got an opportunity to look at houses in the affordable housing scheme. These are few and far between so I was lucky enough to get one. I thought this would be my chance to achieve my goal of living alone.
If I get an apartment, I can check it off my list! I’m halfway to achieving the “perfect” life I envisioned for myself.
Sadly, for reasons unknown to me, I didn’t get the apartment, but being turned down because of it did put things into perspective for me.
To my surprise, I wasn’t angry, upset or disappointed at all!
I sat down and asked myself what would change if I got it. I would be happy living in an apartment for a while, but before long I would long for a house somewhere bigger or nicer.
I came to the conclusion that this wasn’t a shit stick that life had dealt me; it was a big stick that life had dealt me. that’s me. I am the problem! I always want more, I don’t appreciate what I already have, I always look to the future when things will be “better”.
I sat down and wondered what it would feel like if I didn’t want anything, just let everything come as it came, without judging or worrying about where I would end up if I didn’t achieve my goals.
Call it a spiritual awakening or an epiphany, there has to be more to life than just constantly chasing what I want.
Annoyed and frustrated with myself, I turned to search engines to find answers. “Is it possible to live without desires?” I typed into Google.
I came across many articles that provided useful information.
Through books, meditation, online messages, and reflection on my own experiences, I discovered that this desire is not necessarily a bad thing.
The problem arises when we chase desires because we feel they are necessary for our well-being and happiness and we are dependent on them for their fulfillment. The problem is, when we don’t get what we want, it leads to disappointment and pain.
This is of course my problem. I became obsessed with looking for things outside of myself to bring me peace, joy, happiness, and contentment, but they never did, or at least not in a long time.
We crave more because we pursue happiness
We pursue external things because we are ultimately pursuing happiness; we think these things will make us feel good, happy, and satisfied. When we get them, they usually do; the problem is that happy feelings never really last. Often, it won’t be long before we want something else.
I have found that as long as you believe there is something outside of yourself that can bring you happiness, you will never be truly happy because it starts within.
Our desires are tied to feelings of scarcity
We want something because we think we are lacking something, and even if all of our needs are met, if we continually feel that it is never enough, we will end up feeling more of that.
This is the basis of the law of attraction – like attracts like. What you focus your energy on, you will get more of.
I realized I needed to change my life, slow down, refocus, and curb my constant need to get things. In order to do this, I had to look within and connect with who I really am – a spiritual being, for whom materialism and what I have (and don’t have) don’t matter!
To curb my constant pursuit of more and find inner happiness, I implemented the following.
Adjust your expectations.
We must understand that the world owes us nothing, but that doesn’t mean we should stop pursuing what we want. We should avoid expecting everything to turn out the way we want it to.
If we get what we want, that’s great; if we don’t, we have no hope anyway, and that’s okay!
When your expectations are reduced, fewer things will disappoint you, and if you do feel disappointed about something, you will recover and be able to bounce back quickly.
Accept where you are in life.
Acceptance frees you from the victim mentality and allows you to focus on what you lack. Again, this doesn’t mean you can’t work to improve your situation. It simply means that you will be freed from judgmental thinking that focuses on how unfair life is, allowing you to enjoy what you have and work more effectively to change the things that aren’t working for you.
Surrender to life.
Loosen your grip on life and stop trying to swim against the tide.
Often, we are so obsessed with trying to control everything and make everything work in our favor that we cause more harm than good, usually to ourselves.
Believe that if you just let go a little, things will work out better than you imagined, and when you face adversity, remember that it will pass because nothing lasts forever.
When you do have a goal you want to achieve, try to enjoy the process of getting there rather than focusing on the end result. When we relax and let go of consequences, things usually fall into place.
Practice being more present.
By constantly chasing our desires, we may end up living in the future rather than the present, which means we fail to appreciate what’s right in front of us.
The only thing that really matters is now, because yesterday is dead and tomorrow hasn’t happened yet.
I find that living in the present reduces my anxiety and worries about the future because I make a conscious effort to focus only on the present.
Practice gratitude.
When we appreciate what we have, we tend to focus less on what we don’t have.
Gratitude is linked to a greater sense of happiness and overall well-being, and is also effective in reducing stress and anxiety.
What helps me is taking a little time in the evening to find something I appreciate that day. It doesn’t have to be a big thing; it could be a coworker helping me with a task at work or a stranger holding a door open for me.
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After thinking about it, I personally think that it is okay to live with desires. We are human beings, and it is extremely difficult to live without desire—even wanting to live without desire is a desire in itself!
It’s natural to want to have a delicious dinner, to look good when you go out, and to reward yourself for all your hard work. Although these needs may be small, they are still desires.
Some would even say that if we don’t have any desires, our lives have no meaning or purpose and we have no motivation to do anything.
But constantly chasing external things and relying on them for happiness and satisfaction is an unhealthy lifestyle that can lead to stress, worry, fear, and even depression.
Another option is to appreciate all the good things we have in our lives and understand that happiness cannot be measured by what we have, nor can it be found by constantly looking outward; If they could, those who could have everything they want would be the happiest people in the world, but that’s not the case!
About Alice Andrews
As a university benefits consultant and founder of self-development blog DaisyInTheDust, Elyse has always had a passion for helping and supporting people. At Daisy in the Dust, their goal is to help their community become the best version of themselves. They distrust the status quo and social norms, and their goal is to help empower communities to forge their own path to peace and contentment.
