“If nothing changes, then nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. You want change, make some changes. ~ Courtney · C. Stevens
If anyone looked at my life as a young person, they would think I had it all. I went to college to get a bachelor’s degree in psychology and social work, and then a master’s degree in social work. I have always had great friendships and family relationships. I travel a lot. I was and still am young and living my life. Little did they know that so many things were brewing inside…
The perfect storm of overachievement, perfectionism, stress, and anxiety was brewing until I developed chronic pelvic pain in college.
As an overachiever, I completed all my assignments and papers a week before the deadline because if I had waited until the last minute, my anxiety would have been even higher than it was now. I always write more pages than I need for assignments. I learned more than I needed to. I always do the most.
Being a perfectionist, I burst into tears when I got my first 88% in my child development course. When my ACT score was a 20, I burst into tears, thinking there was no way I could get into college with that score.
anxiety. I was extremely anxious. Always worried, anxious, catastrophic, tense muscles throughout the body, trouble sleeping, extreme restlessness.
A perfect storm.
After graduating from the master’s program, I began working in community mental health to obtain my clinical social work license with 3,000 clinical hours.
The entire time, I was constantly going from doctor to doctor trying to figure out what was wrong with my body. I’ve been looking for every solution under the sun. After about a year at my first job, I finally found one. I was exhausted, anxious, and miserable, so I took time off and went to California.
There is a clinic in California that specializes in treating chronic pelvic pain and anxiety. I thought: “Finally there’s a place that can help me.”
This is how my meditation journey began. I can now say that this journey has changed my life. I don’t know where I would be without this powerful practice.
Let me paint a picture for you of what the clinic looks like. I was in a room with about eight or ten people with anxiety and chronic pelvic pain, lying in what looked like sleeping bags, like caterpillars in cocoons.
The psychologist at the clinic started teaching us how to meditate.
He started doing guided meditations without a script and told us to focus on the “sinking” feeling on the exhale, the “ahhh” feeling. Can you imagine how difficult it would be if your anxiety and pain were more than you expected?
After about thirty seconds of practice, my first thought was, “We’re done, right??? That’s all for today. It’s time to go! As a person with a lot of anxiety, I always A million thoughts were running through my head, and as I lay there in unbearable pain, it felt like torture.
The worst part is that he moves on. I don’t remember how long the meditation lasted. It felt like it lasted twelve hours, when in reality we probably only did ten or twenty minutes. We kept repeating this guided meditation for the rest of the clinic, and honestly, it just felt terrible the whole time.
Through dedication and practice, it took me a year and a half, twice a day, to be able to do forty-five minutes of guided meditation. I can now say that the practice of meditation saved my life and greatly calmed my nervous system and anxiety.
Here are the lessons I’ve learned on my meditation journey.
1. Start small.
When you want to start something new or develop a new habit, start small. Starting big can be overwhelming; starting small feels more manageable.
When I first started meditating, I started with a few minutes and worked my way up. After a few months, I could meditate for ten minutes, then fifteen minutes, then twenty minutes, and so on, until I could meditate for forty-five minutes, and it felt like only fifteen minutes had passed.
If it takes a while to get the hang of those first few minutes, have compassion on yourself. Meditation is difficult when you first start, like anything you try at first. Giving yourself the beginner’s grace to know that you are engaging in a powerful practice is enough.
Over a year and a half into the work, I feel calmer, more present, more able to notice my thoughts rather than hold on to them, and better able to sit with ease and feel the sensations in my body.
2. Lasting consistency is the key to any change you want to make in your life.
Trust me, I struggled with consistency for a long time. I’ll try something new for three or four days, and after that, I’ll say, “Oh, well, this isn’t working,” and stop doing it. I didn’t give the technology time to work.
I realized it was the impatient part of me that wanted immediate gratification and results. I always tell the clients I work with, “Believe me, if I had a magic pill that would solve all your problems, I would give you one and then give me one. Then I would live in a private Wouldn’t it be cool if that was life on an island and have your own personal dolphin to play with?
This is a cycle that goes on for a long time for me. It takes more than two months to form a habit. Once I started seeing the effects of meditation, I made sure to make it a daily habit, something I did for both my physical and mental health.
3. Change is uncomfortable. Meditation was and still is comfortable.
Change sucks. Learning new things sucks. I also learned that in that moment, I could do things that were difficult but ultimately helpful, that I might otherwise be stuck in. I had a choice and I knew I couldn’t fall into super high levels of anxiety and chronic pain. Even though it felt uncomfortable, I knew something needed to change.
“Life is the difference between pain and more pain.” ~Nicole Sachs, LCSW.
Meditation is very uncomfortable at first. My brain felt like a ping pong match, with so many thoughts and feelings going through my body. During meditation, I had a hard time focusing on the sinking feeling in my body because I was distracted by anxious thoughts and pain. Over time it got easier until I was able to focus on the sinking feeling or my breathing. Like anything in life, progress comes with practice.
I no longer meditate for forty-five minutes. I use the Calm app and meditate for ten minutes a day. Some days it’s still challenging to focus on my breathing due to anxiety, pain, or thoughts running through my mind.
Just like life, there are times when days are harder and there are easier moments. What helps me is accepting whatever is happening in the moment, which also takes practice. When meditation became more difficult for me, I developed compassion for myself. No judgment. I am human.
4. You can’t escape your mind and body.
What I have learned from practicing meditation is that you cannot escape what is going on inside your mind and body. Your mind and body will keep giving you a thought or feeling until you are fully able to accept it and accept it immediately, rather than sweeping it under the rug because it feels uncomfortable or scary.
it yes Uncomfortable and scary. By running away from it, it also reinforces the pattern and signals to your brain and nervous system that the thought or feeling in your body is a threat.
In my meditation practice, I have to face whatever is going on in my body: severe pain, tightness in my chest, upset stomach, “what if” thoughts in my head, tightness in certain parts of my body—you name it. All you can think of. I got to feel it all.
At first, I hated it, it sucked, but then it got easier. I had to learn to accept my body and its protection because that’s what it was doing. This acceptance turns into compassion, which in turn reduces symptoms.
Your body and brain will keep throwing symptoms at you until you deal with them, accept them, and turn off the red flags.
Like anything you do, it gets easier with time and practice!
I would add that if you suffer from chronic pain, please consult a medical professional to rule out anything going on structurally in your body. I had every test and scan under the sun and my body was and still is normal. Also, with anxiety, if you need support, there are many great places to get it, whether it’s through therapy or online forums.
About Gabby Winnick
Gabby Wnek is a licensed clinical social worker and burnout and anxiety coach. Through her coaching services, Gabby supports women with high anxiety and burnout in increasing their awareness of burnout, how to create changes to reduce burnout, and how to build their own ‘formula’ of anxiety and stress skills and techniques. Visit gabbywnekcoaching.com to get her free guide: 5 Tips You Need to Know to Overcome Burnout, Anxiety, and Stress.
