“When we experience our lives through the lens of personal inadequacy, we become imprisoned in what I call the trance of worthlessness. Trapped in this trance, we are unable to perceive who we truly are. ~Tara · Brac
Breaking out of the trance of worthlessness is a key part of our evolution, both on an individual and collective level.
Let me explain why.
What I observe in my clients, and what resonates with my own experience, is that most, if not all, of the triggers, the limitations we impose on ourselves, and the fear of failure or success stem from the different stages of our lives All in a deep and profound trance.
Once we fall into this trance where we really feel the low vibration of worthlessness, and the shame that comes with it, we want to hide.
We want to make sure no one finds out that we are considered worthless because that means rejection. How painful is rejection. Because we still feel it abandoned by the tribe in our emotional body, this emotion is imprinted in our formative years when our sanskkara (impressions or thinking/feeling/reaction patterns) are being created .
Therefore, humans naturally want to avoid rejection as much as possible.
From that point on, we wore masks. We hide. We reject our true selves and put on a façade that we believe is valuable to our tribe, thinking we will be loved for it. Depending on our “cultural landscape” and family belief patterns, we may choose different types of masks.
Your mask may look like a winner. Keep doing it, keep setting yourself up for success, no matter how your tribe defines it (college degree, money in bank account, size of house…).
Or your mask might be that of a “good girl” or “good boy,” a people-pleaser. Be nice, act nice, don’t be too ambitious, don’t be too lazy, make sure you don’t make mistakes or get into trouble because getting into trouble would be bad.
Or it could be a mask of service. You serve others, forgetting about yourself in the process, because thinking only of yourself may be seen as selfish.
But all masks have limitations. There will come a time when your mask doesn’t work for you or them. It serves no one because it is not you. So you end up tricking yourself and others into believing the mask is you. This dislocation makes people feel awkward, tense, rigid, and stressed because there is pressure to not be yourself. It takes work to perform constantly. very tired.
So there comes a time when you get tired of it. Maybe you call it a midlife crisis or a dark night of the soul.
It’s just that your soul is tired of the constant show.
But your mask is tight, afraid that if it comes off, everyone will discover how worthless you are. So it’s going to try to stay and punish you with harsh self-criticism every time you go off track, maybe showing a little more vulnerability, a little more of yourself.
So how do you take off the mask? Well, it’s not easy. It takes hard work and dedication. It’s a long, non-linear journey, more like a spiral up and down. But it’s well worth it.
I also wore a big mask for a long time, and it was uncomfortable trying to figure out who I was without it. The resistance is so great. So much fear. So many limiting beliefs.
For years, I wore the mask of a perfectionist to keep myself safe.
I had a perfect body (according to the standards imposed on me at the time through magazines, social commentary, women’s comments about their bodies), perfect fitness levels (monitoring what I ate, fighting anorexia), a perfect job (engineering, as per my family’s expectations).
I’m a feminist, career woman (the strict version of feminism passed down to me is working full time instead of being at home because it’s not valued) and an independent woman (able to do everything myself).
On the other side of the worthless trance, life is so different than what your mask would have you expect. Maybe the big house you live in no longer lights you up, maybe it does. But you may find more joy and love in life’s smaller moments.
The other side is much better, much more real; more dynamic, fluid, and beautiful. It’s not all happy. But even in the midst of life’s chaos, authenticity can bring some levity into your life.
Here are a few key steps to practice exiting a trance and rediscovering your true self.
1. Check your readiness.
First you need to be prepared. You need to be willing. In a constant cycle of self-doubt and feeling unworthy, you need strong energy to change and not stay the same.
2. Practice radical honesty.
Be completely honest with yourself, you have been wearing a mask and it will keep you safe for a while, but it is unreal.
Feel the mask in your body. How does it feel when you wear it? What physical sensations did you experience? What does that sound in your head sound like? What is your inner critic telling you?
Watch it all. Every time you come back to this feeling, use this inner voice and hold onto it. Thank it for its good work and wonderful conservation intentions over the years, but be firm: it’s now your turn.
3. Allow for discomfort.
Take some time to feel the discomfort of taking off your mask and becoming invisible. Feel the resistance. Observe the Civil War. Feel it in your body.
After inner rebellion comes sadness. Feel the sadness fully. You are giving up a part of your life that has defined you. You need to feel the loss. Take it easy. There is no rapid grief.
4. Ask yourself: Who do I choose to be?
In the process of redefining, ask yourself who you want to be and what qualities you want to embody. What illuminated you when you were young, and what illuminates you now? How do you want to show up in the world? How do you want to feel? You have the ability to be anything you want to be. What would you choose?
5. Remember your intrinsic worth.
Remember, you are born worthy of love. You were born worthy – a little newborn, a bubble of love. And you still are. No matter your age, no matter what mistakes you’ve made along the way, you’re all equally worthy of love. You deserve to be loved because you exist.
6. Embrace forgiveness.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Forgive yourself for abandoning yourself so many times. Forgive anyone else for anything they said or did that caused you to want to hide it.
7. Decide it’s time to shine.
It’s time to put on a new skin. It will feel strange for a while, but soon it will become beautiful and relaxing. finally. It’s like when you meet someone who you can be yourself with, it feels so easy and good. Same feeling.
The world needs the whole of you. Your unique identity. Your unique vibration. Live authentically. Cry when it’s time to cry. Share your feelings with love and courage without blaming others. When you feel that energy, you shine. Follow the steps that will take you to the vision you set for yourself, the steps that will inspire and energize you.
The journey won’t be easy, but acknowledge that life’s ebbs and flows are impermanent so you can get through the challenging parts with confidence.
8. Do things that make you happy.
Do the things that make you feel great, no matter what they are. For me, it’s yoga, walking, nature, spending time with good friends, and connecting with my kids.
9. Spend time in nature.
Nature reveals our true nature, our valuable nature, because nature is not judged. Nature is real. Nature is beautiful. Nature is healing.
10. Surround yourself with supportive people.
When you take off your mask, as you grow and heal, your relationships will change. You may find that you can’t hang out with the same people as before – because they may still be wearing masks, and because they may struggle with your “new” vibrations. That’s okay and part of the process. Learn to let go. This will create space for new relationships to be formed.
Find a tribe that makes you feel valuable and valued!
11. Be kind to yourself.
Because the mask will want to come back in a different form for a while, either on or off. Your inner critic will get louder. be patient. Hold tight to this part of yourself and the part that he/she is protecting. You get this…until the next time you peel off another layer and release another mask.
Don’t forget that this journey is not meant to be done alone. Getting support from a friend, coach, or therapist can be extremely valuable. It can accelerate your growth and make it easier for you to receive guidance and encouragement from others as you grow.
*Image generated by AI
