“We encourage you to make noises, moan, scream, gasp, say ‘Oh shit!'”
Walking into the Sensual Self-Touch workshop, I felt like I had entered another world. About 20 women and non-binary vulva owners, dressed in silk kimonos, floated through a softly lit, plant-filled room, stuffing candies and fruit into their mouths. Am I in a mythical painting surrounded by fairies? No, I’m attending a Sensual Self-Touch workshop, a two-hour guided mindful body and vulva exploration in East London.
Entering the main hall, yoga mats are arranged in a circle, facing the center, under pink and warm yellow lights, fragrant and spa-like music flowing. On each mat were placed a mirror, towels, pillows, blankets, lube and coconut oil.
Get ready for our vulvas.
Photo credit: Mary Morgan
Workshop hosts and sex coaches Oli Lipski and Valentine Bordet introduced themselves and the content of the two-hour session. The first half is more theoretical and the second half is more practical. They told us we would study the anatomy of the vulva, in addition to examining our own vulvas, exploring the experiential feelings of yes/no/maybe and consent, learning self-pleasure techniques, and, of course, using them.
“Good sex and good pleasure are unique to you. It’s intentional. It’s sensual—not in the soft and fluffy way we advertise it—but in a literal sense, you Connecting with your senses and being curious about every movement, touching, breathing, moaning can bring you pleasure,” Lipsky, a sensual intimacy coach and pleasure workshop facilitator, told Mashable.
Becoming a master of your own territory also leads to greater pleasure, not only in solo practice but also in partnered sex. “Do you want to explore a rougher, faster-paced feel, or do you want to undercut your pleasure with some teasing? The only way to know is to be aware and open to exploration,” says Lipsky.
Mary Morgan attends a self-touch workshop.
Photo credit: Mary Morgan
“How powerful and empowering it is to know your body, know what brings you pleasure, and have the confidence to give yourself what you need and want,” says Somatosexualist-in-training, founder of Self-Pleasure Club Beaudette said.
How to spice up your solo sex life
Why do we need self-pleasure workshops?
Research consistently shows that there are significant differences between men and women when it comes to masturbation, orgasm, and sexual behavior. sexual double standard (SDS) describes gender-based social bias in which women are judged more harshly than men for engaging in the same sexual behaviors. Not only is sex itself more taboo, but discussing female masturbation, pleasure, and sexuality brings with it significant discomfort and greater taboos.
“It’s so powerful and empowering to know your body, know what brings you joy, and have the confidence to give yourself what you need and want.”
The masturbation gap between men and women remains wide. TENGA 2021 Global Self-Pleasure Report Studies have found that men are more likely to masturbate than women (90% in the US and 82% in Japan) In the UK, 95% to 85%.) Lovehoney’s 2024 Study A survey of weekly masturbation habits in the UK found that 64% of men masturbate at least once a week, compared to just 34% of women. Research shows that statistics are roughly the same across Europe, with an average masturbation gap of 55%.
there are more. Research also delves into the taboo surrounding the subject, looking at how open men and women are to talking about masturbation. Overall, men are more likely to have talked about masturbation, with 54% of men in the UK having talked about masturbation with a friend, compared with 37% of women. The gap persists regardless of audience, with men more likely to talk to a partner (65% to 53%), family (32% to 17%) or a stranger online (36% to 16%).
There is also a climax gap overall. Shame is one of the biggest barriers to happiness. The taboos surrounding women’s pleasure—whether it’s masturbation or partnered sex—not only rob women of their ability to feel pleasure, but also of their ability to truly express it through bodily autonomy. “We grow up in a society that teaches us to hide our sexuality, our bodies and our pleasures, while simultaneously exploiting and objectifying it,” Lipsky said. “I discovered the power of bringing masturbation to the forefront of discussion – not in an over-sexualized or sanitized way, but in a pleasure-centered way. Because, if you really think about it, who taught us How to be happy with yourself?
Sex education in the UK is under threat. How is this going?
There is also a gender gap in sex education, which is exacerbated by gender differences. Growing Stigma Holistic nature of sex education. Even while being taught, Much of sex education Focusing on health and pregnancy rather than happiness, especially women’s happiness. Men learn about happiness through media, social interactions, and social norms, while women’s happiness is often stigmatized or criticized. Women’s joy needs to be more represented in the media, educational spaces and society at large. Only through this visibility can we foster conversations that inform and empower women to embrace their own joy. Normalizing the topic will help break the taboo surrounding it. Part of that is being able to talk openly about masturbation, about our own self-pleasure, about pleasure in general. Studios like Lipski and Bordet are breaking down shame and stigma and filling the space with joy and empowerment.
“Say hello to your vulva.”
What happens at a self-pleasure seminar?
So what is it like to attend a self-pleasure workshop? We begin by introducing ourselves and our intentions. For me, hearing everyone walk into the room is one of the most powerful parts of the workshop. Reasons include eliminating shame; reconnecting with your body; connecting with your body for the first time; unlocking yourself; centering your own happiness. These broader conversations about self-acceptance, joy, and body autonomy are so important but rarely given space. The unbridled exploration of joy is essential.
Beaudet and Lipsky then introduce us to the anatomy of our own vulva—something that is often not taught or taught poorly. Isn’t that a reflection of society that we learn so much more about male anatomy than female anatomy? Actually, According to a recent UK opinion poll, 45% of male college students and 31% of female college students said that they not only knew what a “nubis” was, but could “confidently” label this part of the vulva. question? This is a part of female anatomy that doesn’t actually exist and is entirely made up for the sake of investigation.
Mix and match after dark
“Say hello to your vulva,” Lipsky and Beaudette said as we faced the outside of the circle, mirrors between our legs. Being able to gaze at and explore your own vulva was something many in the room had never done. “Guiding attendees to gaze at their own vulvas gives them a sense of how similar our experiences are and how intimate and vulnerable it feels to be connected to this commonly shamed part of our bodies,” Lipsky said. ”
The perfect lighting for self-exploration.
Photo credit: Mary Morgan
I highly recommend greeting your lower body. For me, observing consciously, actively, non-judgmentally, and patiently is very interesting and powerful. Not a quick glance, but a stare at yourself.
After we all did this, we shared our experiences and participants said it was incredibly empowering to be able to look at themselves uncritically, and even look at their own vulva for the first time.
“I feel tremendous love,” one said. Another said: “I didn’t treat her as well as I should have.”
After learning about different strokes and touch types, we took a short break and then returned to the room for a guided meditation by Lipski and a touch session by Bordet.
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The next step is a scary one: bringing solo sex into a group setting. How to masturbate in a stranger’s room? I was worried it would be embarrassing. But like the orgasm itself, letting go is powerful.
Meditation encourages deep breathing and breaks the silence of the room. The inhales and exhales became louder and louder, slowly but surely releasing bit by bit, the tension melting away into a squishy feeling. Guided touch sessions recommend taking a few minutes for each learned stroke, while the counselor continues to encourage breathing, sounds, giggles, and of course, joy.
Moans, gasps, whimpers, giggles, little screams echoed through the room. As the two guys next to me came over, I was incredibly inspired by the collective freedom in the room.
The power of self-pleasure in group settings
For me, masturbation is a celebration of bodily autonomy, of my own power and joy. We are often taught that our bodies are not meant for us. Women’s bodies are often seen as being for the pleasure of others, for the consumption of others, for reproduction, for almost anyone or anything but themselves. What’s more powerful than taking control of your own happiness?
I asked Lipski and Bordet what prompted them to host this workshop—it was their first, but definitely not their last.
“I’ve always wanted to do something like this, and I’ve been to similar workshops — involving genital gazing and sensual touching, but nothing like this,” Lipsky said. “I’ve always been aware of the BodySex scene, which was started by the late Betty Dodson. She’s been promoting masturbation circles for female empowerment since the 70s – when I first heard about it, I knew I wanted to be a part of something like this.
“I entered this field after spending many years in feminist activist groups and wanted to move into more ‘internal’ and group circles,” Beaudette said.
Bordet has worked in feminist activist groups for many years and was inspired to create this workshop by punk feminist groups, including slit, Rebellious Dyke, riot boss. “Women organized to ‘game’ the male-dominated music industry,” she said. “I wanted to create a group circle about pleasure because it still feels so taboo and I feel like we haven’t been able to talk openly about our collective experience of pleasure, especially masturbation.”
The overwhelming feeling in the room was one of empowerment. As we closed, the entire space was filled with giddy, excitement, and energy. People were very excited and thanked the facilitators for creating such a powerful and freeing space.
Lipsky and Beaudet said they know the event is intense and requires stepping out of their comfort zones, but they work hard to create a safe space for participants to respect their bodies and boundaries.
“Everything is balanced,” Beaudette said. “So if it feels like it’s pushing your comfort bubble a little bit, I’d say go for it. But if it feels like it’s very far away, I’d probably say it’s not the time yet.”
“After this workshop I never want to masturbate by myself again.”
Lipsky says if anyone feels uncomfortable watching a happiness seminar or thinks it’s silly, they should examine those feelings. “I would say, listen to the information you receive from yourself, it doesn’t matter. Who told you? Why is this stupid? What’s so disgusting about this? It’s good to question ourselves and where our information comes from. If Is this actually true, or if it’s a shame-based belief, it may actually be holding you back from experiencing more joy in life.
Participants left the mythical space created by Lipsky and Beaudet radiant. “After this seminar, I never want to masturbate by myself again,” one person said.
The main word I felt when I left was “power”. Not only the ability to participate in such a rare and unique experience, but the ability to enjoy your own joy and autonomy. The power actually lies in your own hands.
