Kano couple bucks trend in Nigeria’s ‘divorce capital’

A couple living in Nigeria’s “divorce capital” recently celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary and have been praised for their longevity.

In a video that sparked a flood of comments, Mahmud Kabir Yusuf and Rabiatu Tahir told the BBC the secret of their happiness and why the northern city is stuck There are so many reasons why marriages fail.

Mr Yusuf attributes this to his wife’s generous nature.

The 76-year-old told BBC Hausa: “She was a very selfless person and she overlooked a lot of things which contributed to the success of our marriage.”

This made Ms. Tahir, who is in her sixties, smile. The couple have 13 children together, and she praised her husband’s ability to remain calm in the face of all the difficulties the family faces.

“He’s a very patient person, and I think that’s the key to our success,” she said.

The two said they loved and respected each other and clearly enjoyed each other’s company, laughing several times during the interview.

For Hasana Mahmoud, it was a revelation. The 39-year-old divorcee has been married five times and was impressed by the couple and their apparent contentment.

“Of all my marriages, I’ve only been with my spouse for four years, so it was refreshing to see them celebrating this milestone on social media,” she said.

“My husband was nice and caring during the courtship, but things changed after the wedding,” said the mother of four.

“I feel sad every time I hear people refer to Kano as the ‘divorce capital of Nigeria’ and I hope things will change,” she added.

Kano earned its nickname after divorce rates began to rise in the 1990s, but it has never been able to shake off the unpopular label.

Hundreds of marriages break up every month in Nigeria’s most populous state, whose capital Kano is the commercial hub of the north.

In 2022, research conducted by the BBC in partnership with local government revealed that 32% of marriages in Kano State only lasted three to six months.

The report also revealed that some people aged between 20 and 25 have been through three marriages.

The scale of the separation is worrying, especially for Kano’s state-sponsored Islamic agency Hisbah, which handles ethics issues and enforces Sharia law in the state.

It has a police department that enforces regulations such as segregation in public places and a ban on alcohol for Muslims (who make up the majority of residents). It also provides counseling services, primarily helping troubled married couples.

It is not uncommon to see women lining up outside offices complaining that their ex-husbands did not help raise their children.

In Kano, people tend to marry young – usually before the legal age of 18.

Others think Islam’s simple method of divorce may be a factor, as a husband can simply tell his wife: “I divorce you” or write it down on a piece of paper and call it a day. Today, sending a message on social media is enough to end their marriage.

Aminu Daurawa works for Hisbah to address the high divorce rate. One of their solutions is to give people a second chance to better prepare them for married life.

The agency mainly organizes mass marriages for divorcees, called “Auren Zawarawa”, acting as matchmakers on a large scale.

Hundreds of newlyweds attended a lavish wedding and received a small sum of money to help them set up a business and other household items.

The initiative began in 2012, although Mr Daulawa acknowledged that divorce rates remained high.

“We know about the problem – that’s why we set up a committee to examine what happens to every couple after marriage so that we don’t get the former [same] Results,” he said.

But Hadiza Addo, founder of the non-governmental organization Women and Children’s Initiative, said the number of divorces continues to rise.

“Currently, our offices are receiving up to 30 matrimonial cases every day,” she told the BBC.

“Nigeria’s economic troubles are the primary reason now.

“Husbands go out to make ends meet and sometimes come back empty-handed, and that creates a rift.”

The use of matchmakers is common in Kano because singles in Muslim societies do not mingle, making it difficult to meet potential partners.

The only places where genders are mixed are at universities or other higher education institutions, and most people don’t go to those places.

When people go on a blind date, they often get married without knowing each other.

In fact, Mahmoud Kabir Youssef and Rabiatou Tahir were introduced to each other as children by an older woman from their neighbourhood.

She thought they would be a good match, but it took another 12 years for them to tie the knot, giving them plenty of time to get to know each other.

One man known for his successful pairings says this is key.

Rabiu Ado told the BBC: “There is a lot of research that needs to be done before marriage to get to know the people involved.”

He started working as a matchmaker 10 years ago. The 46-year-old had no intention of becoming a marriage broker, even though it was his mother’s job.

When he was a truck driver, a friend complained to him about the difficulty of finding a partner.

After a few successful introductions, he realized he had a knack for the family business.

He now advertises his services on billboards and sees one to five clients a day. He interviews them and learns about their attitudes and expectations. Many times, men want a woman who can make money, while women want a rich man.

“Many people enter marriage with the wrong mindset, which is why they become disappointed after a while.”

He said he has organized about 500 marriages in the past ten years, with a success rate of more than 90 percent.

He advises couples to take the time to fully understand each other before getting married.

Mr Addo, whose nickname is “Maidali”, meaning “the one who makes it happen”, said the high divorce rate meant some people did not take marriage seriously.

“I think the reason why the divorce rate in Kano is so high is that people think I can always find someone else after a divorce.”

Islamic cleric Abdullahi Ishaq Garangamawa has defended the ease of divorce for Muslims.

“Islam is merciful and makes marriage and divorce less difficult so that people are not caged when things don’t go well,” he told the BBC.

“In the past, we didn’t have so many divorces because our parents had been married for decades. But recently, people have started abusing the divorce process for their own selfish gain,” he said.

“But essentially, unlike some religions which legalize divorce no matter the circumstances until death, Islam legalizes divorce when things get out of hand.”

Mr Yusuf, who worked for the now-defunct Nigeria Airways, said sharing life’s difficulties and helping each other were crucial to his lasting partnership with Ms Tahir.

“Love is also key, because when you truly love each other, you tend to stay together.

“My advice to people getting married is don’t get married for selfish reasons but get married with sincere intentions.”

His wife agreed, adding: “My personal advice is that people who want to get married must be patient with each other – if one partner gets angry, the other should stay calm.”

Additional reporting by Abba Awwalu