“Crying is not a sign of weakness, but a brave expression of emotion that brings strength.” ~Unknown
When was the last time you cried? Tears are often seen as a sign of weakness, but for me they have been a powerful guide in helping me recognize and understand my feelings. In a society that often suppresses emotions, I want to share my journey through tears and encourage everyone to reflect on their own experiences.
Changes in my relationship with tears
Sometimes, I like to cry. During my studies, I barely cried awake and was proud of it. I blamed my nighttime tears on the alcohol and suppressed them.
The reason for my sadness was the on-again, off-again stress of being with a man who was draining me mentally. This relationship has been having its ups and downs and I don’t know how to handle it. I often ignored my emotions and hid behind my studies and social life. Looking back, I realize that this suppression did more harm than good in the long run.
allow emotions
Today, I cry more often and am generally sober. I’ve cried a few tears in recent weeks and then wondered how others deal with their tears. Do you also have such a strange relationship with tears? It’s amazing to me that just a few years ago I was ashamed of them – and sometimes I still am. However, in recent months it has become clear to me how powerful tears can be and how helpful they are in helping me recognize and regulate my own feelings.
Tears are not just a sign of sadness or pain; They are an important part of our emotional lives and help us cope with difficult situations. Today, I see my tears as a valuable tool to better understand and heal myself.
Social expectations and pressure
In our fast-paced world, it’s often hard to recognize how you’re really feeling. For example, when you feel angry or sad at work, it may seem easier to suppress these emotions in a stressful office environment than to let them go, perhaps even to tears, in front of your coworkers or boss. After all, no one wants to be labeled hysterical or not be taken seriously. Can’t she control her emotions? Hurry up!
Of course, it’s not just your image that’s affected: many colleagues or supervisors may not know what to do with tears and be completely overwhelmed. Then what do they do? Can you let the cryer sit there with an awkward slap on the shoulder or an “It’s okay” while they look at the clock and wonder how long this emotional interlude will last?
I know this article may sound a little harsh. But here’s my view on tears as an adult: They shouldn’t be there. But who says we always have to function perfectly?
Suppressing emotions can be harmful in the long run. It can lead to increased stress, anxiety and even depression. People who regularly suppress their emotions can also experience physical symptoms such as headaches, stomach problems, and sleep disturbances. Over time, neglecting your emotional needs can seriously damage your mental health and overall well-being.
other people’s experiences
Out of curiosity, I’ve asked a lot of people in recent months: When was the last time you cried? The responses I received included:
- Fifteen years ago.
- I don’t remember.
- last month.
- yesterday
- last week.
- this morning.
The first three answers came from men and the last three answers came from women. This supports what has been studied for years: women are more likely to cry than men.
According to research by Vingerhoets and Scheirs, women cry on average five times more often than men. It would be interesting to speculate whether tears’ more frequent association with femininity is why they are often seen as weak and negative. Typical patriarchy: everything related to femininity and emotion is initially considered weaker and less desirable. This may sound like a bold argument, but forgive me—sometimes you just have to speak up.
I still feel frustrated and angry that I suppressed the tears for so long and didn’t take them seriously. Tears have a place and significance in our emotional lives – and it’s time we acknowledged it.
Tears as sign and guide
Today, my tears guide me. When I feel like crying for no reason, I’ve learned to stop and reflect. I discovered that there was always something behind my tears, and they didn’t just fall for no reason.
I wish I had known this when I was younger, because the man who brought me to tears eventually betrayed me, causing even more heartache. This experience taught me two important lessons: I no longer needed an on-and-off relationship, and I should be more honest about my feelings.
Recognize the need for action
My body sometimes bursts into tears when I am completely overwhelmed. Recently, a disrespectful and humiliating encounter brought me to tears. This reaction surprised me because at twenty-eight years old and with so much experience, I didn’t expect a condescending comment to trigger such strong emotions.
Context matters: Others were present, which added to my humiliation, and the comment was completely unexpected. The huge discrepancy between my perception and the other person’s harsh treatment threw me completely off balance. My body reacted with tears to compensate for the shock.
I escaped to a quiet room just in time to avoid breaking down in front of everyone. Although the tears were short-lived, they clearly conveyed this signal: This is the limit, and I have definitely exceeded it!
This experience also taught me that I still have some unresolved issues within me that need to be addressed. A few months ago, I might have reacted differently and suppressed my emotions. Maybe I’ll stay in a toxic situation — like my nearly year-long on-and-off relationship with that ex, who was apparently just as good at apologizing as I was.
Tears helped me recognize that something was wrong and something needed to be done. Fortunately, I now listen to them, try to change the situation, and if that’s not possible, I leave them.
Regulate your emotions through crying
Tears also aid in mood regulation. After crying, I felt better: freer, lighter. Admittedly, my eyes were red and swollen and looked noticeably worse. But I think tears help me clean up. They washed away everything I no longer needed. For that, I’ll happily accept a little smudge of mascara.
Scientific research shows that crying can actually reduce stress hormones. Tears contain cortisol, a stress hormone, and the cortisol excreted through crying helps reduce stress. Additionally, crying activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for relaxation and recovery.
cry in front of others
When was the last time you cried in front of someone?
To be honest, I still find it difficult to do this, but I’m learning. It’s uncomfortable when someone else can’t bear the tears, but tears aren’t bad either. They are part of our shared human experience and often lead to deeper understanding and connection. There may need to be a sense of security for this. I don’t often cry in front of others, but I find it really liberating.
However, last summer I went on an emotional rollercoaster ride. First, I attended my grandmother’s funeral. Right after that, I went to a really cool but exhausting four-day festival where I got a painful rejection from someone I really liked. Furthermore, I returned to Germany from seven months of solo travel, unemployed and somewhat aimless. The night I got back, I met up with my closest friends and was completely devastated.
Dear friends, those tears were the most healing thing that ever happened to me in that moment. All my friends also had tears in their eyes and hugged me tightly, giving me the space and time I needed. From that point on, things started to look up and I felt a new sense of security that no matter how difficult things got, no matter how deep I fell, I was not alone.
The power and meaning of tears
That’s why I don’t want anyone to feel ashamed of their tears. We cry for a reason, whether we are sad, overwhelmed, angry, or incredibly happy. Unfortunately, people often view tears in a negative way. I believe it takes real strength to allow them and find out what message they want to convey to us.
Tears are like little messengers of our souls. Take a closer look. What might they be trying to tell you? What is it about them that grabs your attention? What does it mean if you haven’t cried in a long time? What do your tears have to do with you? I invite you to explore this question with me – share your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories.
About Maria Klein
Maria Kleine is a psychologist (MSc) with an unshakable curiosity about the wild world of personal development, creativity, and relationships. She recently started a blog, mariakleine.com, where she blends her expertise with a holistic approach to self-growth. Her blog is unique in that it blends psychological insights with practical advice on creativity and happiness. This is a space where she encourages self-reflection and personal transformation, providing readers with the opportunity to grow with her on this journey.
