“The first step in change is awareness. The second step is acceptance. ~Nathaniel Brandon
I feel lost. I feel heartbroken. I feel scared.
As I sat alone in the cold, dark cell, I felt like I’d hit rock bottom.
My feet were cold on the cold stone floor. The squeaky wooden benches, made of narrow strips, tormented me.
The prisoners were shouting around me. Their voices echoed in the darkness. It was like the noise outside had finally caught up with the noise inside my head. I just want to scream.
I’m sixteen, but I feel like my life is over. I was filled with shame and regret, thinking: Is this all there is? Is this my path in life? Who am I becoming?
For the first time, I faced the fact that I was becoming the person I despised most—my father, a man obsessed with addiction and destruction.
My father’s absence has been a constant presence in my life. Only occasionally, when he was recovering from his alcohol addiction and trying to kick it, was he present. But usually, he drinks a lot at home.
I hate him. I hated that man so much because of the pain he caused my mom. The sweetest woman I have ever known in my life. She is the person in my life who taught me true strength and resilience. She is one of the reasons I know single moms are some of the bravest, most powerful people.
Despite my anger and hatred for him, I followed the same path and made the same choices.
I had been drinking and smoking pot since I was thirteen, and soon after started selling drugs, eventually getting caught with various drugs, a large amount of cash and a scale.
I became useless, just like my father. In fact, I was doing the same thing and I hated him – causing my poor mom so much pain.
The weight of this realization is overwhelming. I felt as though I was overwhelmed by the consequences of my actions and choices.
I think of my mother, a single woman. She did her best to raise us. She sacrificed so much for me and my siblings. I, her dick, sat in a jail cell while the police smashed up our house because they thought I had been running a massive drug operation. Not only was I kicked out of school, I was kicked out of the entire school district.
I imagined her at home, staring in pain and disbelief at the broken windows and broken door. The shame tore at me. I want to be the man that makes her proud, the man that helps her, not be another weight on her shoulders. I let her down. I let myself down.
At that moment, I knew – I couldn’t live like this anymore. Something has to change.
The moment that changed everything
In that cold, uncomfortable cell, I asked myself: Who am I becoming? Is this the man I want to be? Is this my future? The fear, shame and regret are suffocating. I didn’t have the tools or mentors to help me get through it. But even in the darkness, something clicked.
This was a wake-up call for me. I’ve hit rock bottom. I had two choices: continue on this self-destructive path, or take control of my life. Either now or never.
When I came out, I made the decision to change. I did everything I had to do. I completed my community service. I participated in a wilderness program. They bring a group of troubled boys together and let them camp out on an island for a month. I followed all the rules.
This was one of the places where I first learned to face my fears. Because one afternoon we were climbing a mountain, and it was very steep.
I was (still am) afraid of heights and I forgot I told them this earlier in the day or at the beginning of the project. To be honest, I don’t remember much.
That day I looked up at the mountain we were told to climb and decided to conquer my fear. So I climbed up. I am breaking down barriers and overcoming limiting beliefs. One teacher said something that I don’t remember any teacher or classmate telling me at the time.
“Look at how you overcame your fear, Eddie. I’m so proud of you.
To be honest, I had forgotten about that moment until now. Writing this blog brings tears to my eyes.
None of this is easy. In fact, it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It took away everything I had. I had to change my habits, face my limiting beliefs, and distance myself from those who wanted to bring me down.
In fact, one of the hardest things at the time was when my “friends” abandoned me. When I went out, none of them were with me. None of them reached out to me. To this day I have not heard anything from them.
But this is the only way out.
Courses in self-awareness and reflection
Looking back, I see that moment in the cell as a turning point in my life. It was the hardest, most painful experience I have ever had. But it opened my eyes to the power of self-awareness and reflection.
Self-awareness is not admitting your mistakes. It’s about knowing your core self. It’s about seeing the patterns in your life that are holding you back. Then, you must choose to break those patterns.
Through self-awareness, I discovered that I had the power to change the course of my life. This is what I want to share with you.
How self-awareness can change your life
1. Create space for reflection.
You don’t need to hit rock bottom to start reflecting on your life. Take some quiet time throughout your day. It could be five minutes in the morning or ten minutes before bed. Ask yourself, “Where am I going?”
A journal is a great tool. It allows you to transfer your ideas from your head to paper, where you can view them objectively. Journaling has been my saving grace in life.
When I lost one of my best friends to pancreatic cancer, I backpacked and filled an entire journal.
When I decide to make big decisions and take risks in my career, I do it by journaling.
When I have to make a decision or deal with the pain of a relationship, I work through it by journaling.
If journaling feels overwhelming at first, start with a question: What do I need to let go of today? I ask myself this question every morning. Write down the first thing that comes to mind without overthinking it.
2. Face reality, even if it hurts.
Real change starts with honesty. Be brutally honest with yourself. Look at your life—your habits, your choices, your relationships—and ask yourself, “Is this working for me?” This level of honesty is uncomfortable, but it’s the first step toward growth. step. The biggest leaps in growth come from stepping out of our comfort zones.
3. Start small, but be consistent.
You don’t need to make huge changes overnight. Instead, focus on making small, meaningful changes in your daily life. Whether it’s improving a habit or letting go of a toxic relationship, these small steps will lead to lasting change over time.
I learned this from my mentor and James Clear’s book Atomic Habits. For most of us, starting small seems pointless. This change requires a big, massive transformation. But that’s not how we work as humans. This change returns us to our original state.
My mentor told me that if we move just a millimeter to the left or right while driving, it will initially look like we are in the same spot. But what about a week, a month or a year from now? You will be in a completely different place in your life than if you had gone straight.
4. Reframe your struggles as opportunities.
I learned an important lesson: Our failures and mistakes are our greatest opportunities for growth.
When you face a challenge, ask yourself, “What did this teach me?” Reframe your failures as lessons and use them to become stronger.
People often think that pain or failure they have experienced in the past is what is holding them back, but in fact it is their perspective.
These moments in our lives are actually our breakthrough moments. Moments that were once shoulds or later became necessary.
Almost all breakthroughs or significant growth moments in our lives come from these failures, obstacles, or challenges. Whatever word you want to use. My influence is huge.
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That cold, dark cell was the lowest point in my life. But it was that moment that saved me. Through self-awareness and reflection, I was able to take control of my life and change my future.
For me, this journey started small – taking responsibility for my actions, cutting ties with people who were holding me back, and focusing on one habit at a time. This was not an overnight transformation, and I fell down many times along the way. But every step, no matter how small, brings me closer to who I want to be.
You don’t need to know all the answers right now. Take the first step.
I urge you to embrace your quiet moments. They may come in peace, or they may come in struggle. Use them to reflect on your life.
Don’t wait until you hit rock bottom to ask the hard questions. Take some time to reflect on who you are, where you are going, and what changes you can make to live a more authentic, fulfilling life.
Next step
If you are struggling with your current situation, take a moment today to stop and reflect. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this? How can I use this to grow? Embrace the power of self-awareness and start taking small, meaningful steps toward a better future.
The lesson from those who have been through it is that small steps do make a big difference.
So, grab a pen and paper and start reflecting, reimagining, and moving a millimeter in the other direction. You’ll be surprised how much your life will change.
About Eddie Green
Eddy Green is a mindset coach who helps young people overcome limiting beliefs and rewrite their life stories through self-awareness, resilience, and personal growth. Eddie is passionate about helping others cope with life’s challenges and he uses his experience to help individuals reach their full potential. He also enjoys watching anime in his free time and spending quality time with his niece and two nephews. You can read more of his personal development content and access valuable resources at sagecoaching/blog.
