“Resting and self-care are so important. When you take the time to replenish your spirit, it can make you serve others from the spill. You can’t take it from an empty boat.” ~Eleanor Brownn
My breakthrough point was at 6 a.m. Monday morning
It has been the same routine for months: at 5 a.m., brushing your teeth, putting on exercise clothes, moving my body, weighing myself.
This morning, the scale’s numbers glared at it, as stubborn as ever. My reflection in the mirror seemed to be outward-faced, still sweating, feeling like the weight of lead. Outside, the car buzzed and forgotten. I woke up early and squeezed into the exercise, but all I could do was sit there, shaking in anger – in my body, ruthless grinding, losing myself again… again.
That moment was not just weight. This is the climax of years of silent sacrifice: waking up too early to move my body –Because when did I find the time? Through exhausted cooking dinners, distributing store-bought fig bars while jealous of the “from the gripper” mom on social media, slumping in bed every night, wondering, “Is this what it is now?”
Myth of “selfless” women
For a long time, I absorbed a dangerous lie: Love and family means erasing yourself. My husband’s shifts were the opposite and kept me playing every night. We will pass by like a boat at night. When I scrubbed the vegetables, he was going to work. He envied me for the night at home, imagining a comfortable night with my children. I long for his quiet days when the kids are in school and want to be alone in our empty house.
The mother who whispered in a low voice was a martyr. But my breakthrough point taught me a more difficult truth: selflessness is unsustainable.
When I snapped up from the kids one night, gave up the story time, and then left them with meditation, I realized that my burnout was not just hurting me—it was robbing my family, it was the calm, patient mom they deserved. The man I used to be was buried under the level of sin and exhaustion. I want her to come back.
The first rebellious act
My kids were complaining outside when I first locked my bedroom door for exercise. “Mom, why can’t we come in?” When I opened a workout video, the ingui dragged on me and let their iPads babysitter for thirty minutes. My husband supports me, but will ask, “Why doesn’t the proportion move speed?” I don’t have an answer, but the first time, I chose myself.
This is not selfish. This is survival.
Three courses that change everything
1. Quietness is a radical act.
I started stealing the silence film: ten minutes of meditation, a podcast-free walk, and even turned off the car radio. At that moment, I rediscovered my voice under the expected noise. Once, during a chaotic breakfast scramble, my six-year-old dropped a pile of oats and sprayed the counter and cabinets with a sticky paste.
Instead of feeling frustrated, I took a deep breath, a technique honed in those quiet moments that were stolen. I found patience again. “Let’s clean it together,” I said my calm surprised us both.
Try the following: Start with five minutes of intentionally quiet every day. No screen, no list, no sound tells you how to do it – just you and your breath. This time it was not to silence the mind, but to sit with them.
2. The progress is not linear (it’s OK).
I felt exposed when my business failed on social media. It’s like I’m forced to perform, don’t thrive.
Let go of other people’s strategies, I quietly rebuild: phones instead of reels, emails instead of hashtags, private workshops instead of life. Slower, but mine. One night, my son asked why I wasn’t “popular yet”. I smiled. “Because I’d rather talk to you than my camera.”
the truth: Every “failure” teaches me to believe in my own rhythm, not the noise of the world. Do things that are supported rather than forced.
3. The boundary is love, not rejection.
My husband started cooking at night, scattered around me to meditate or move my body no matter what I need at the moment. Children built “comfortable corners” with pillows and learned to respect their needs for space. Now, when my son says “I need time alone.” I won’t panic or panic – he reflects what I finally allowed.
Action steps: Name a non-negotiable this week. For me, it’s my morning exercise. What would you be?
Choose your own chain reaction
Quiet became my shelter. No sound, no demands – just soft Lo-Fi playlist and the buzz of my breath. My business is growing steadily, my workout is more friendly, and scale? Now it’s just a number. Progress is not race; it is the quiet buzz in life.
If I could write a letter to my former self, that woman was running for all this while drowning out sin for every shortcut, that’s what I said…
Letter to me of my past self
Dear Matalya,You won’t fail. You are submerging in the ocean that “should”. let go. The dishes can be waited. Shop-buying snacks are enough. The voice said, “Are you selfish?” It is lying.
When you rest, the whole family breathes.– The woman you became
Metaphor to remember:
Self-care is like a sloping garden. You won’t rush the roses – you water them, backwards, and make the roots firm.
About Matalya onuoha
Matalya Onuoha is an integrated calibration coach and certified human design expert in mentoring individuals to maintain their purpose in life and create a real, fulfilling life. Through human design, NLP and energy work, she helps clients break through limiting beliefs and walk their unique path. Take her free Prosperity Path Prototype Quiz or Discover your blueprint Life driven for purpose. She lives in Canada with her husband, two children and a permanently read novel. connect REWRITECOACHING.CO.
