morning edition Producer Julie DePenbrock and her girlfriend Amanda Gomez took their dog Bentley on a hike.
Courtesy of Yves Crendon
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Courtesy of Yves Crendon
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Coming out is…complicated.
I grew up in a very Catholic family. Throughout elementary school, junior high school, and high school, I never thought that I might be gay.
The word was mocked on the playground and in the hallways. When I was young, it was the worst thing.
At my all-girls Catholic high school, attitudes toward homosexuality were more tolerant. Still, I didn’t know anyone who came out.
I just assumed that because I was attracted to boys, I must be straight. Very simple. Without thinking too much, it’s the time my eyes land on a girl during French class or cross-country practice. I told myself: That feeling is admiration. I don’t like them. I want yes like them.
When I went to college, I finally started meeting people who identified as queer.
This was 2010, and same-sex marriage had not yet been legalized. Coming out is “brave”. People obsess over kisses between girls and relegate it to the realm of Katy Perry songs.
After graduation, I moved to South Dakota and threw myself full time into teaching first grade.
When friends asked me if I liked girls, it took me another six years and two very painful crushes to admit it.
“Yes, probably,” I said. This was the first time I said it out loud.
When you’ve spent most of your life with internalized homophobia, coming out—just to yourself—can be the hardest thing to do.
I didn’t do it until I was 28. To be honest, some of those early conversations broke my heart. But things got easier.
On dating apps, I changed my preference from “Male” to “Male and Female” and finally to “Female.” I found some queer friends, and when we hung out in a big group, it didn’t feel like something radical. Very comfortable. hapiness.
Sometimes I catch myself – when I’m sitting on the couch with my girlfriend and my dog at the end of the day – I just can’t believe how happy I am.
The happiest thing in my life
Because now, coming out has become so casual—it almost feels like nothing.
I have a rainbow flag on my profile. Haircut. One story begins:
“My partner Amanda…”
The editor of this article is Suzanne Newyen.
